A man’s unquenchable thirst for pleasure can lower their IQ by about 100 points. It’s not something you can stop just by trying to stop it. If that’s the case, the only option is to raise awareness about safer methods to minimize the harm.
…What am I even doing the day after the festival…?
I was about to regain my senses, but I have to at least wipe my own ass clean. Only an ass would say that. Hahaha.
“If it’s something I use, it should look something like this.”
“Oh?”
On the chalkboard part of the bulletin board, Dick Vault started drawing a diagram with chalk.
It was a twisty-shaped tool, ah…what was it called? An enema? It was some kind of joke toy meant for inserting into the anus.
A butt toy.
“Hey, you guys over there! Don’t draw weird things on the guild’s bulletin board! Make sure to erase it properly later, okay!?”
Elena was scolding him from the reception desk. She was 100% right. I had no argument against that.
“If it’s made of a smooth material, I suppose it’s safe. This part wouldn’t be able to go in.”
“Indeed. Of course, we shouldn’t rely solely on the purified lubricant – the tool itself needs to be well-polished as well.”
“Talking about such vulgar things…ah, my head hurts.”
“I see…”
To be honest, looking at the diagram, I wondered, “Can something like that really go into the human body?” But I suppose it probably can.
That said, I had some thoughts about this tool.
“Dick Vault, do you think these kinds of tools would sell if we made them?”
“They would sell. Stores don’t carry anything like this, and this is ultimately what I arrived at through trial-and-error with existing similar products…We could sell these at a premium price with their capabilities.”
“Oh, I see…So there’s money to be made in this area, huh…”
Adult toys are human desires themselves. Many people wouldn’t hesitate to spend money on them.
More importantly, with a physical sample existing, it may help establish a general impression of “this is the kind of shape that’s okay to put up your ass.”
Not that I’m saying it’s okay to actually put these up your ass, of course.
“Come to think of it, Mongrel, you’ve been selling products you invented in the market, haven’t you?”
“Ah yeah, my inventions. They don’t really sell that well though.”
But I’m sure there was some movement after yesterday’s festival.
I should check on that too while I’m at it.
“If you come up with anything good, call me over. I’ll gladly provide my impressions and evaluation.”
Dick Vault said with a sly smile.
…I’d really rather not hear your impressions, thanks.
After that, instead of doing city cleanup, I went to the riverside and started processing materials.
The large, thick horns of the Hornwolf, when polished, become smooth with a suitable hardness and flexibility, so I decided to process those into adult toys. If I can pull it off, it might provide a decent income while also raising safety awareness.
On the day after the festival, I kept having moments where I felt a sense of emptiness about what I was making by the river, but I tried not to dwell on it and kept carving the horns. This was a chance to put my idiot strength to use.
“Phew…Something like this, maybe?”
Looking at Dick Vault’s diagram, I had a general idea of the shape. But the size felt a bit off, so despite the vulgar topic, I had my “son” help me compare it for the right sizing, and the adult toy was more or less completed.
I didn’t want to stick it up my own ass just because I made it, so I wondered what I would do if I got a review like, “The user experience is bad.” But I decided not to think about it that far.
I made a few of them, carefully polished them, and…well, called it good enough.
The adult toys glistened a milky white, wet from the river water.
…If I kept staring at them any longer, I felt like I might want to die, so I decided to have them sold at the Black haze Market as soon as possible.
“Huh, so there are tools like this. What a waste of good materials…”
“That’s what I think too, Mercurio. Well, sell them at a high price including the material costs. I’m sure there will be some enthusiasts who buy them.”
“I don’t mind, I guess. Oh, all the washboards sold out. Those might really become popular.”
“Ah, really? That’s great news.”
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The Black Haze Market had become even dirtier due to the festival, but in this area where anything could be sold, even the trash on the ground could become a product.
Perhaps because of that, the current state seemed somewhat neater than the main streets outside.
“Also, if anyone buys this tool, show them this warning parchment. It has instructions and precautions written on it.”
“Heh. Did Mr. Mongrel write this too?”
“Don’t be stupid, it’s from a knowledgeable friend at the guild.”
“Hahaha. Got it, got it, I’ll do that. Well, I don’t know if it’ll sell, so I’d appreciate your patience. More importantly, Mr. Mongrel, about those washboards. Before others start copying them, why don’t we raise the price a bit? We can still make money on those for a while, so could you increase production?”
Apparently, Mercurio was interested in the washboards’ sales. The initial sales must have been quite good. A merchant’s intuition is reliable in times like these.
…Since I spent money at the festival and I’m planning to splurge at the magic shop too, I might as well earn some guaranteed income.
“Alright, I’ll make them and bring them right away. I’ve got the planes ready, so just give me a day.”
“Yeah, looking forward to it.”
And so I began making washboards. After processing the corners, next comes the board material. I’d like to work on city cleaning, but can’t help being busy with this.
Using the plane with all my might, I managed to complete 20 washboards in half a day. My nostrils are filled with the smell of wood shavings.
Then, the next day, I carried all those boards and headed back to the Black Mist Market.
“Mr. Mongrel, those questionable tools you made – they all sold out yesterday.”
“Oh…”
“Even though I jacked up the price…”
Mercurio informed me of this unexpected complete sellout.
We didn’t even post any advertisements, so how did this happen?
Guild members? …Probably guild members. Maybe those guys who were listening to our conversation went looking for the tools. I guess you can’t stop a man’s dreams.
“Hey Mercurio, just for reference, do you know what kind of people bought them? They might be the Three Heroes.”
“Who are these Three Heroes… Look, given the nature of the merchandise, even though it’s you, Mr. Mongrel, I’d rather not give details about the customers.”
“Ah, right. Sorry about that.”
“Well, I’ll just say it was two men and one woman.”
“A woman bought one!? Is she using it for night work…?”
“Who knows. She was young and pretty… Maybe she’s planning to use it on some guy she’s close with? You never know people’s tastes. Heh heh heh.”
The overwhelming sales success momentarily made me consider increasing production of adult goods, but making washboards is much more profitable, easier, and actually helps people’s daily lives, so I decided to stop making them after this.
If by chance, no, by one in a billion chance, my identity as Lord Chaos is revealed, I don’t want people saying I also made adult goods…
It would tarnish Lord Chaos’s brand…
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