The Mature Cured Ham And Lewd Tale Battle
As I continued practicing archery, I gradually became able to shoot arrows relatively straight.
By “straight,” I mean they flew in the direction of the target, but not necessarily on a trajectory to actually hit it – I want to make that clear.
But well, if I could get about 300 versions of myself lined up with bows, maybe we could hit something through sheer volume of arrows, like a mock archery unit. Though I shouldn’t say something like “If 300 of me charged with bastard swords, we could solve everything.”
I’m grateful to Raina and Ulrika for teaching me archery. If it had been some cantankerous official instructor from the guild, I probably would have quit within three days.
Raina was knowledgeable about accurate shooting, while Ulrika specialized in practical shooting at moving targets or approaching prey. Having such specialized expertise imparted kindly is truly rare.
Sometimes Ulrika would interrupt my lessons with Raina to receive instructions and vice versa, but overall it was a comfortable practice environment.
After each session, we’d go drink at the guild’s tavern, though it was my treat even if they were just young girls.
In the previous world, I’d probably have to give them a few thousand yen as a gift on top of paying their fee.
In that sense, this world is more reasonable…What? I’m not sure what I’m saying anymore.
“Hey, look here you guys! Chuck brought some of old lady Margot’s cured ham!”
“Ooh!”
As we three drank as usual, Chuck came in carrying a pig’s leg.
The yellowed fat. The shriveled, darkened meat. In other words, the raw cured ham product.
The guild suddenly became lively.
These people were used to dried meat, but this particular cured ham was special.
That’s because this cured ham made by the eccentric old lady Margot was famous for being outrageously delicious.
In this world, most cured hams are insanely oversalted during the brining process, so they often have an intense salty flavor when eaten and need to be desalted first. They’re largely treated as just preserved salted meat. Thinly sliced, they’re not particularly tasty.
But old lady Margot’s cured ham was something else entirely – she reduced the salt to the bare minimum needed to avoid spoilage. Apparently around half the hams she made ended up spoiling because of this, but the select few that survived her stringent process had a deliciousness comparable to the cured hams I ate in my previous life.
Long introduction aside, the point is, I absolutely love this cured ham.
And yet, old lady Margot only sells to young men she fancies. Since she doesn’t fancy me, the crazy old bat won’t sell to me.
Well, I doubt Chuck is too thrilled about being one of the old lady’s faves either.
“Old lady Margot told me to take this, so let’s all eat it together today! Oh, and I’ll make sure to set some aside for Elena and the receptionists too.”
“Well, thank you very much Chuck.”
READ THE ORIGINAL TRANSLATION AT GADGETIZEDPANDA.COM
The deliciousness of this cured ham was renowned. No one would feel bad about receiving some.
The eyes of all the guildsmen in the tavern naturally turned toward the central table where Chuck and his “Sword of Harvest” party were seated.
“…I’ve never had that before.”
“Yeah, it’s been over a year for me too. Damn, makes me want some good hard liquor.”
I’m pretty sure I taught the nobility how to distill, so where’s the whiskey?
Hurry up and invent it already so you can start selling it to me.
“Old lady Margot, she’s the one with the ice box right? Her meat’s really tasty from what I hear. But I’ve never had it myself yet.”
“Her cured ham is something special. Thinly sliced, it’s absolutely divine. Even I’ve only had a few slices given as scraps before.”
Ah, just imagining it makes my mouth water. Maybe I’ll give Chuck a shoulder massage later.
“But y’see…I can’t just go handing this out for free!”
“What was that, you bastard?!”
“You looking to get killed?!”
“You just came to show off, didn’t you?!”
“Shut it! Didn’t I say we’re gonna play a game?! Just eating the tasty meat politely won’t liven things up, after all!”
Chuck grinned as he sliced off some of the fat from the cured ham leg propped up on the table.
One of the impatient guys picked up the sliced fat and tried eating it, but immediately spit it out. Yeah, don’t bother with that part, it’s not good.
“What kind of game is it, Chuck?”
“Glad you asked! What we’ll be starting is…the Lewd Trivia Battle! Two people face off trading lewd trivia, judged by our referee! The winner gets 4 slices as a prize! Even the loser gets 1 slice!”
“Whoohoo!”
“I’m a master of dirty talk!”
“Bring it on!”
“I’m ordering more booze! Today I get to eat cured ham to my heart’s content!”
No, is this a middle school trip or something?
Wake up Chuck, the girl you’re interested in, Elena, is giving your back a seriously unamused look.
“Geez, guys really are just perverts huh.”
“It’s getting as lively like the Harvest Festival…as always…”
“Well, that’s just how men are…”
To be honest, I can’t say I don’t understand the feeling myself. If Raina and Ulrika weren’t here, I might have gotten up and done some pro-wrestler-style entrance to the center table. Because I really want that cured ham.
“But won’t the judging be rather ambiguous…for a lewd trivia contest…?”
“Don’t worry Alex! We’ll leave the fair judging to our very own leader, Mr. Dick Vault!”
“- I vow to judge impartially. It is good to contend to your heart’s content.”
“Well if Dick Vault’s doing it, I’m convinced!”
“Dick Vault can quantify the lewdness after all!”
Seems Dick Vault is well-respected…
He’s been looking rather melancholy lately since he hasn’t had work and is short on cash to visit the higher-end brothels…but thanks to Chuck, he seems to have regained some spirit.
“Alright, let’s slice up that ham!”
“I’ll go first!”
“What? Then I’ll be your opponent!”
And so, at the central table, an unbearably lewd trivia battle commenced.
Also check out my friend Localizermeerkat for more LN translations!
BUY THE SOURCE MATERIAL TO SUPPORT THE AUTHOR !!!
Kindly click on the green button above and contribute to filling the green bar if you’re interested in having another LN from the request page translated. Also, every donation is being used to purchase the source material and to fund more English translations.
Please consider joining my Ko-Fi membership. By becoming a member, you’ll also gain access to 2-10 additional chapters of all of the novels from this site translated into English. Last but not least your support will also assist me in upholding the translation quality and speed. For more information, please follow the link.
Donation for faster release is always welcome
Additionally, I am now accepting translation requests.
