Chapter 6: For Your Sake
Finding a romantic partner is difficult.
Why? Because there are too many unspoken rules.
A woman’s heart, ladies first, and all that jazz.
When I entered middle school, the number of couples suddenly increased. I wonder where everyone learned how to get a girlfriend.
There was a time when I was satisfied just being able to talk to girls. But honestly, that’s as far as luck alone can take you.
To put it bluntly, my relationship with Remi is nothing but luck. There are countless interactions between Remi and me that wouldn’t be tolerated if we weren’t childhood friends.
But in the process of finding a romantic partner, there’s a wall that luck alone can’t overcome.
That is, whether you can create a “good vibe” with a girl.
Just like you can’t enjoy the sequel without reading the first volume of a manga,
Or how you can’t pull gacha without clearing the tutorial in a social game,
A romantic partner is the reward given to those who break through this “good vibe” atmosphere.
However, there are also barriers to this “good vibe.”
First, if you miss the timing for a “good vibe” moment, you might not get another chance.
Second, if your perception of the “good vibe” is off, it comes with corresponding risks.
As more people around me overcame these challenges, it brought me a sense of urgency.
As someone who’s never had a girlfriend, I’ve started to feel out of place when talking about love with other guys. This has become especially noticeable since entering high school, with Takeru being my only refuge.
While I try to deceive myself by saying, “I don’t need a girlfriend right now,” I have this anxious feeling that I might reach an age where it’s too late before I know it.
Even as I try to fight these negative emotions, reality keeps slipping away.
I couldn’t confess to Remi at that time because I missed the timing for a “good vibe” moment.
I couldn’t confess to Yuka Hanazono because my past failure became a shackle.
If it weren’t for that winter in my second year of middle school, I might have confessed to Hanazono when I thought we had a “good vibe,” and gotten a positive result.
At the very least, I wouldn’t have ended up being rejected again at the start of my first year of high school.
The root of all evil was that winter of my second year in middle school.
The trauma from misreading the “good vibe” still holds me back.
If Yuzuha hadn’t saved me, that situation might have continued until graduation.
If Yuka Hanazono hadn’t been there, I might have suffered mentally.
Because I escaped that person’s grasp only after it had become traumatic, I was left with aftereffects regarding romance.
If I can ever have a romantic relationship, it will be after I’ve learned to discern this so-called “good vibe.”
This troublesome thought process is nothing but an aftereffect of trauma.
But recently, I’ve also been thinking:
Maybe I’m just trying hard to find reasons why I can’t express my feelings to someone.
A week has passed since Remi transferred to our school.
Most of the girls in Class 2 have had their first contact with Remi, and the brave boys are starting to cautiously approach her.
The reputation of the courageous boys who have already talked to Remi goes like this:
“Nikaido-san is quiet but has a strong presence, doesn’t she…”
“I know. She’s like, refined but also gives off a gyaru vibe, you know?”
“I simply want to date her!”
Despite being popular enough for her reputation to spread to other classes, she’s also well-liked by the girls.
While everyone is focused on Remi, I couldn’t help but realize:
Remi has changed.
In her childhood, Remi was self-centered.
And when she entered the upper grades of elementary school, Remi had grown into a person who showed overwhelming leadership, pulling everything along herself.
Now, she’s learned to put others first completely.
Although she had some degree of amiability by the sixth grade, Remi’s current way of not asserting herself is the opposite of how she used to be.
“Is that so! Wow, I didn’t know that could happen!”
A harmless response.
“Wow, that drama sounds interesting. I’d like to watch it too…”
The response the other person seems to want.
And with the final touch of a gentle smile, all our classmates are captivated.
Maybe it’s because I know it’s an act as a transfer student, or because I know her true personality is completely different, but I’m the only one who feels uncomfortable with Remi’s words and actions, being her childhood friend.
Remi herself said she wanted to make a safe debut as a transfer student, and I understand that feeling, so I haven’t mentioned it but…
…Is it okay for me to talk about myself to the current Remi?
──What happened to that enthusiasm when you boasted, “I’ll work hard to break through the ‘good vibe’ stage”?
…I know, but.
The gap between the Remi in my memories and now is making me hesitate.
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Lunchtime. As I was about to put my textbooks away in my locker, I noticed someone was already there.
“Ah”
Hanazono stopped in her tracks when she saw me.
It seemed she had already finished putting her things away.
Having run into each other, I felt like I should say something.
Even if I was rejected—or rather, warned off—in terms of romance, it’s not like we’ve become complete strangers.
In fact, just two weeks ago, she said I “never talk to her.”
Hanazono stands there with a slight smile on her face.
…This is the first time we’ve properly made eye contact since I was rejected, but it’s okay to talk to her, right?
I made up my mind and called out to her.
“…So I should talk to you, right?”
“Hehe. Is that how you start a conversation?”
Hanazono laughed, finding it amusing, and nodded.
“Yeah. Thanks for talking to me.”
“H-how are you doing?”
“I’m doing well. How about you, Yoshiki?”
Faced with such an innocent question, I hastily added:
“N-no, I mean… You know, about wanting to be friends with Yuzuha. I was wondering if you’ve been able to talk to her since then. That’s what I meant.”
Even I thought it was a pointless correction.
That conversation in the first place was only because Hanazono had misunderstood that Yuzuha and I were a couple.
By becoming close with Yuzuha, it would be easier to talk to me.
Now that the distance between Hanazono and me has grown again, my previous statement doesn’t apply to the current situation.
Get it together, the calm part of me in my head retorted.
I want to tell that calm self to do the talking then, but this useless part never comes out when it really matters.
However, Hanazono answered without seeming to mind my disjointed correction.
“Oh, I see. I haven’t been able to talk to Yuzuha-san yet. It’s only been a short while since we talked about that, after all.”
“But… it’s been two weeks already. Half a month, you know.”
“True, when you say half a month, it does sound long… I see, Yoshiki, you’re quite the taskmaster, aren’t you?”
I was unwittingly soothed by her usual gentle smile.
Hanazono responds carefully even to clumsy conversations.
Conversations are often compared to catch ball, and if we go by that, Hanazono is the type who carefully throws back any kind of ball.
It’s nothing short of a miracle to have such a soothing presence in the classroom.
Just as that thought entered my mind, Hanazono said, “Oh, that’s right.”
“Yoshiki, are you acquainted with Nikaido-san too? I’ve been curious about that since last week.”
“Y-you’ve been curious about that again?”
At my words, Hanazono blinked.
“…Yes, I’ve been curious again. Could it be that she’s the childhood friend you mentioned?”
“Correct. I guess it shows, huh. I’ve talked about this occasionally since middle school.”
“I see, so it was true…”
Hanazono relaxed her cheeks as if relieved.
That smile made my heart sink a little.
“That’s great, it might mean spring is coming for Yoshiki.”
“Well… no, that’s…”
“I’m rooting for you.”
“…Yeah.”
Hanazono is truly a good person.
But the longer we talk, the more I think about it.
We might have had a “good vibe” in the past.
But now, that possibility no longer exists.
“Well then, I’m going to have lunch.”
“W-with who?”
“The same people as always. See you later.”
…I hope it’s not a boyfriend.
I don’t have the right to say anything, but if that’s the case, I’d rather not know until the end.
At least, not until I’ve completely gotten over it.
…I thought I’d forget in a week or two, but I’m surprised that I still care this much.
“Yoshiki—”
“Hm?”
When I looked towards the voice, a blonde ponytail was peeking out from the classroom.
Yuzuha waved her hand, beckoning me over as her hair swayed.
Reluctantly, I approached, and Yuzuha whispered in my ear.
“You really were talking to Hanazono-san. But maybe there’s no hope after all, huh?”
“…I’m not aiming for anything. And were you watching?!”
“Ahaha, it was just by chance! If you’re not aiming for anything, that’s fine, but are you serious?”
Yuzuha said with a mischievous smile, as if she saw right through me.
“If I heard correctly, I might be able to help connect you two. Want me to cooperate?”
Yuzuha is the type who keeps throwing balls at you even if you don’t say anything.
That can be helpful, and sometimes there are brightly colored balls mixed in.
“…Cooperation, huh. I hope there’s no catch.”
“How rude, I just think it might be interesting!”
“That’s exactly what I’m talking about!”
As expected, it was a ridiculous reason.
But that’s just like Yuzuha, and maybe that’s why I can trust her.
If she said it was for my sake, I would refuse such cooperation.
“When you say connect, how exactly are you going to do that?”
“Well, you know, there are all sorts of ways to do that, right? W-why don’t you let me handle it once?”
“…”
I close my mouth.
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