“What are you saying? I don’t want to forget! We held hands and walked together, how can I just forget that?”
“…I thought we’d escaped there, but I was too naive. …That was a very pleasant time. I wish we could have spent more time together.”
“Then!!”
“I’m sorry, but I had a fun time tonight.”
“Toudou!? Ah, um, about you…”
“Goodbye, Hiratsuka…… I’m going to [Reset].”
If it’s to protect an important person, I can erase my memories……. Even if that’s a mistake–
–The remnants of the Return wake up my consciousness.
And so, I return to reality. The Hiratsuka in front of me has a puzzled look on her face.
“Toudou? You look a bit troubled, but are you okay?”
Exceeding the limit with Reset. Each time, I lose my memories. Memories of important people, or memories of a certain period of time. I’ve exceeded the limit many times to break out of any hopeless situation. My brain must have worn out and broken down over time.
I didn’t understand what emotions were. But even so, I had important people by my side.
So I can face Hiratsuka. This is the beginning of me and Hiratsuka.
Something inside me clicks into place.
What I feel from Hiratsuka is not the same lifeless air as before. There is color there now. My memories haven’t fully returned, but something in my mind has changed. Now, for the first time, I can truly recognize Hiratsuka.
“Ah, no problem. I just remembered a little bit about that summer day.”
“…I see. But I’m still not that important to you, since you have the Hanazono and others.”
“That’s not true.”
This time, I’m the one refuting Hiratsuka’s opinion.
“Hiratsuka Sumire, we were friends. Even if it was just for one night, that is something I can’t forget.”
The hand I let go of back then… I don’t want to let it go again. Because Hiratsuka is an important friend.
Hiratsuka had been holding my hand the whole time I was Returning. Even now, her hand hasn’t left mine.
So I should convey my feelings. All the feelings I have!!
“–Eh…? Wh-what is this…… Toudou……”
“So, will you be my friend again? ……Let’s walk down Sotobori-dōri together at the beautiful dusk.”
“—-!?”
Hiratsuka presses my hand against her chest. I can feel my emotions flowing through. Hiratsuka must have understood my feelings. Hiratsuka is an important friend to me.
Hiratsuka slowly raises her head.
“I mustn’t wish for selfish happiness……. But even so, just for now, just for now, can I lean on you, Toudou…? I want to be your friend too……”
Hiratsuka’s grip on my hand tightens. She’s no longer crying, but she looks like she’s about to cry.
“Thanks for today! As usual, I’ll head back first! See you!”
Hiratsuka had a plan to meet someone, so she said she’d go ahead. I see her off, then return to my seat at the cafe.
I order a refill of my Extra Caramel Frappuccino and dive into the sea of my thoughts.
When I was in elementary school, I was a loner. Or was I really? The people in the picture frames seemed close to me. I probably had acquaintances with each one, I just lost the memories.
It’s difficult to regain memories like when with Tanaka. But sometimes fragments of memories do come back.
This incident with Hiratsuka is one of those. Just regaining a little bit of the memory is enough to soothe the sadness.
So I’ll need to eventually Reset the Reset and recall everything.
Surely they were all important…companions.
In middle school, Hanazono was the only friend I had. Other than that, there are only sad and lonely memories.
But maybe that’s not true. Maybe I had close relationships with others that I just don’t remember.
In high school, I Reset my feelings for the Michiba and Sasami. But I learned that even if I Reset, the relationships can continue.
It’s not nothing. New, warm feelings have been born.
And Tanaka and Hanazono. The girls whose memories I erased, and the girl who stayed by my side even after I Reset. They must be the keys for me.
Have I really been living earnestly so far? I was desperately trying to become normal. But in doing so, I couldn’t see the people around me. No, I wasn’t recognizing them.
I can feel my circle expanding. And at the same time, I can feel my heart growing.
“–Then, face it head-on.”
This is not a battle against adults like in elementary school.
This is a battle against myself. To make “normal” a reality for me.
Part-time jobs, school trips, festivals, sports days – these are probably normal events for students.
But for me, they are miraculous moments I may never experience again.
The youth that begins with Reset – I now clearly realize that.
READ THE ORIGINAL TRANSLATION AT GADGETIZEDPANDA.COM
Before returning to my apartment in Ichigaya, I decided to visit the mixed-use building that was in my memories with Hiratsuka.
The mixed-use building located just off the business district, south of the station. Matching the map in my head to the area, I quickly found the location.
“……Hmm, I can’t remember any more than this. ……The day when I recall everything will come.”
As I was about to head back to the main street and towards the subway, suddenly–
A group of people walking towards me. An odd combination. A woman being led in a way that hides her from view by the adults.
The faint figure of a girl was… it was Saionji, a girl from Class A.
…Surely, this is also a connection. Maybe I can become friends with her, like Hiratsuka and the others. She has a harsh personality like the old Hanazono, but Hanazono said she was hiding her shyness.
So maybe her true heart is different.
It’s a bit nerve-racking to talk to a girl I haven’t talked to much, but let’s try to be courageous.
I stood in front of her.
Saionji, who had been looking down, looked up.
“You’re Saionji, right? Meeting again is quite a coincidence. What are you doing here?”
“Ah…, um.”
There was no reply from Saionji. She had a troubled look – no, it was a strange atmosphere.
She had a troubled look, but her body was trembling. She was overwhelmed by a feeling of fear.
“Excuse me, I didn’t mean to scare you.”
…You don’t have to force the conversation. Just ask about what’s bothering you.
“The presence of your escort from the classroom is not here, did they already go back? Your physical condition doesn’t seem very good. You should go to the hospital.”
“Ah, you don’t need to worry about me. I, I’m fine. I’ll just go back first…”
The adults around also spoke to me in a gentle voice.
“Child, you should go home now. We will properly escort Saionji.”
“Hmm, I see. Then I won’t say anything more.”
The adults bowed their heads and started walking. Saionji was pushed by the adults to walk. I felt a strange sense of discomfort. Something is not right. Let me try to find out what.
As I watched Saionji’s back, Saionji slowly turned around.
I could hear the sound of her chattering teeth.
And – in a faint, barely audible voice – it reached my ear:
“Help me…”
She muttered, “Help me!”
At that moment, I was moving-
I wonder how I ended up in this situation.
I, Nozomi Saionji, am a top idol. I’ve been immersed in the entertainment world since I was a child.
It’s not for my own self-recognition. Because, after my father passed away…, my brother went missing, and my mother lost her memory…, I was the only one who could earn money.
[Nozomi-chan, it seems I’ve been sleeping for a long time. Hey, when I woke up, it’s been twenty years already. Ahaha, I wanted to hear the answer to my confession, but… the other person had already gotten married and had a child… they had gone before me. …I don’t remember anything.]
My mother continues to go to the hospital. Her mind has become disturbed. That’s why I have to support her.
I knew since I was a child that my appearance was superior. I put in an unimaginable amount of effort, like risking my life. While the other children were playing, I was always practicing.
My father’s inheritance is dwindling. Our family wasn’t that wealthy, so we didn’t have any savings.
While practicing, I worried about money, but even so, I thought I wouldn’t lose to this injustice.
“Nozomi-chan, don’t push yourself too hard, okay? Mom, I’m sorry I can’t do anything.”
My mother’s body is getting weaker and weaker.
We needed hospitalization fees. I auditioned frantically from one place to another. I, who was a natural airhead, made desperate efforts.
And before I knew it, I had grown into a top idol. As a top idol, I can earn money, and my missing brother might be watching me. Once the financial worries were gone, the next thing was to find my brother. I thought a little bit of peace had finally come to us.
Many of my fellow entertainers hate me. Men who want to get close to me come around.
I’ve seen the adult world. That’s why I really hate men. If I use a harsh tone, men won’t come near me.
The only ones I could rely on were the manager and the student guard, but today… they betrayed me.
I was sold.
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