**
Feeling the weight of Sasami’s trembling body, I moved to a nearby park. I don’t like these tears – the sad and lonely ones.
I set Sasami down on a park bench.
Sasami’s emotions are overflowing, and she can’t hold back the tears.
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continue

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Sasami’s actions are recorded in my memory. It was a sad event.
I had reset my feelings for Sasami. I thought I wouldn’t get involved anymore, that the old me was gone. But that’s not true. Being told not to get involved feels lonely and sad.
The memories with Sasami haven’t disappeared, they just appear gray. I can’t undo the reset, but I can move forward from here. I’ve learned that through many experiences.
I heard Sasami has been practicing diligently. She’s been running hard.
Sasami has been getting faster.
For some reason, I felt happy about that. Happy…? It’s a strange feeling.
Even though I didn’t get faster myself, I can feel this emotion.
That’s why I ended up chasing after Sasami when she ran out of school.
“Hey, wait a moment, please.”
Sasami was fixing her skirt. Oops, I did a bad thing. I heard from Hanazono that having your panties seen is an embarrassing thing.
The park was mostly empty, with just some children playing.
Hmm, the housewives must be busy preparing dinner. I’ll have to think about what to eat today too.
“I-I’m okay now… I won’t bother you, senpai.”
I sat down on the bench without hesitation and examined Sasami’s feet. Her words lacked strength. They were weak. If she really wanted to reject me, she would have left this place.
I touch her feet without hesitation.
“Ow…but it’s not bad enough that I can’t walk.”
Why did I call myself her disciple earlier?
The words just came out instinctively. That man wasn’t an ordinary person in this world. I thought Sasami might disappear, so my body moved.
I change the position of Sasami’s feet as I examine them, then take a bandage from my pocket and secure her ankle.
“W-wait, my skirt, it’s embarrassing… My panties are completely visible… S-senpai, I’ll be fine on my own…”
From what I heard at Hanazono, Sasami is always alone. Being alone is very lonely. I’m curious about what’s troubling her.
“Then why do you look so pained? If you don’t want to talk to me, you could just run off somewhere, right? Why?”
Sasami’s face looked like it was about to crumble.
Whatever facade she was maintaining seemed on the verge of shattering. Her emotions were about to erupt.
Being touched is probably something unpleasant for Sasami.
I’ve experienced that myself, so I understand.
“Y-yeah… Haha, I’m really an idiot, you know. Being alone is lonely… But I hate the part of me that’s relying on you. Even now, I’m being a burden… I’m disgusting.”
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Sasami is holding back her tears. It’s okay. Thanks to everyone, I’ve been able to experience a normal youth.
And Sasami is a part of that.
She affectionately called me her “master” and made my morning jogs enjoyable.
I’ve also experienced the ugliness of her heart. The feeling of regret comes through as well.
People make mistakes. Sasami has hurt me.
But Sasami doesn’t need to suffer and hurt herself.
–If she does the same as me, she’ll break.
“Is it painful? Is it from the regret of hurting me? Or is it because you quit the track team?”
“…Ah, y-yes. I wanted to apologize to you properly after getting faster. I’m an idiot and didn’t know what to do. The track team doesn’t matter to me. I…”
There was a hint of falsehood in these words.
“That’s self-torment.”
Sasami’s body tensed up. An expression that pierced her very core. Then, how should I respond? What is Sasami to me?
A different emotion surfaced, unlike the intense feelings from that day. I couldn’t quite understand what it was. It’s an affection, but not quite the same.
This is the love one feels towards a younger person.
“Sasami, tormenting yourself has no meaning. That’s the easy path. Quitting the track team was easier, wasn’t it? Talking less with your classmates was easier, wasn’t it? Seeing your own suffering self in the mirror made you feel better, didn’t it?”
My words seem to further torment Sasami. But my instinct doesn’t stop me. This is necessary.
“I-I’m not… in pain… because I did something unforgivable to you…”
Suffering in the hope of being forgiven. That’s not true. Suffering destroys the spirit.
The pain in the heart slowly erodes the body.
I sit down next to Sasami.
Without thinking, the words come out.
“I was happy that Sasami was getting faster. I felt a little sad when I heard you quit the track team. I thought ‘It doesn’t matter since I’m not involved.’ Even so, there are times when I unexpectedly think about you. I haven’t come to hate you. I just reset my feelings. In that case–“
Sasami’s suffering does not atone for her sins. For me, it is a negative thing.
Sasami nods slightly every time I speak.
I see, so this is what it’s like to have a little sister. Sasami has been like a little sister to me, someone I care for. My feelings and understanding have become one.
At that moment, I heard the sound of glass breaking — it triggered a switch within me. A different, intense emotion now overwhelms my heart–
The memories of the “grey” Sasami now take on color. The once-impersonal memories regain the warmth and joy of our time together. It’s a strange affection, different from Michiba or Hanazono or Tanaka.
“Senpai!? Are you okay!?”
Sasami tends to get carried away, but she’s really a kind girl, isn’t she? I know her family is poor. I understand how painful it is to have no money, because I went through that as a child. Somehow, it’s become distorted. But now, I will face Sasami seriously–
I look at Sasami.
“I learned normal feelings from Tanaka and Hanazono. And from Michiba too. There’s still so much I don’t understand…Sasami’s way of living is just stumbling along.”
“…Senpai is right. It’s painful but also easy. Because I deserve to suffer for the terrible things I’ve done–“
“That’s not it.”
I cut off Sasami’s words. I tell her the harsh reality. Being indulgent is not the only way to be kind.
“Sasami’s growth has reached its limit. She can’t get any faster. Her natural physical abilities are crying out.”
I realized this during my night runs. Her body was crying out. The running ability she’d pushed to the limit couldn’t grow any further. At the student level, she’s already one of the fastest.
Sasami is trembling.
With a strained voice, she says to me:
“As expected, Senpai is right. That’s exactly it. No matter how much I run, I can’t get any faster. I thought I’d get faster with more practice. But a lot of adults told me, ‘Go back to a normal track team. You have no talent.’ No matter how hard I tried, it didn’t work.”
Sasami continues, looking at her own feet.
“I just don’t know what to do anymore…That’s why the only thing I could do was run. Because I’m an idiot…Punishing myself made me feel better.”
I recall the grey memories from my middle school days.
Sacrificing myself so the class could run more efficiently.
I shouldn’t have done that.
I make Sasami stand up from the bench.
“Eh? Senpai? Kyaa!?”
“It’s true that Sasami has no talent. But it’s because of you that I could feel normal. …That’s an amazing thing. Isn’t it enough to just enjoy running with me?”
I put Sasami on my back and start walking. Her legs are firmly secured, so she should be fine.
“Senpai! I’m okay now! Just being able to talk to you is enough! I’ll get in trouble with Michiba san later!”
I ignore Sasami’s words and head towards the jogging course where we used to run.
My walking pace gradually speeds up.
“Hold on tight. I’ll try to minimize the movement, but let me know if your legs hurt.”
Walking turns into running.
I keep increasing the speed. It’s not just jogging anymore, it’s running.
“Senpai!? Running while carrying me will hurt your body!! If Senpai gets injured–“
“Remember the joy of running. I loved watching Sasami run.”
I hated seeing Sasami’s whiny,
I hated seeing Sasami’s self-destructive behavior.
So I wanted to run.
A serious run that I’ve never shown to anyone.
–Shifting from running to an all-out race pace.
I don’t feel Sasami’s weight. I’m not doing some weak training. She’s lighter than the dogs I know.
My whole body’s muscles rejoice, able to exert their full power.
I only look forward.
Clinging to me, Sasami mutters:
“…This pace, carrying me…Eh, it’s getting even faster!?”
I shift into an even higher gear. This is still only second gear. Even if I reach the top, I can go even higher.
The jogging course is still long.
“Running really does feel good. Sasami worries too much about rankings. I’ve never had the experience of competing with someone. That’s why I had no interest in competitions.”
I can feel Sasami trembling a bit on my back. I want her to feel something, not just with her head, but with her instinct.
That’s my wish–
“Wow, amazing…Haha, why am I…Eh, it’s getting faster again!”
Sasami’s voice gradually becomes more cheerful.
The reason doesn’t matter.
In this moment, all I hear is the sound of my own breathing and Sasami’s laughter mixed with tears.
There are many joggers around the Imperial Palace. There are rest areas for them. I veer off the running path towards one of those rest areas.
“If I keep running, it will put too much strain on Sasami. Whew, it’s been a while since I’ve run at full power. This is something I’ve never shown to anyone else, only Sasami.”
I gently lowered Sasami.
Sasami sat deeply on the bench, as if her hips had given way, and looked up at the sky.
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