I had no time for proper training. I needed strength to make Leo-nii the king, to be his shadow. So I fought relentlessly, gained experience, took risks. I nearly died several times. It wasn’t the most commendable method.
Charl’s correct and diligent efforts will surely inspire and give courage to people.
My methods are nothing I could show her. They’re not suitable for education.
“…Maybe I’ll bring her some refreshments.”
☆
READ THE ORIGINAL TRANSLATION AT GADGETIZEDPANDA.COM
In the warm, humid night air, the well-tended flowers bloomed splendidly, oblivious to the mansion’s commotion. Their resilient beauty, even after enduring the elements, made me feel a twinge of envy, reminding me of the events that still lingered in my mind from earlier today.
“…Ugh!”
I swung the wooden sword. The path it traced under the moonlight was slower than I imagined, showing my current level of skill.
“Faster… I need to be faster…”
Al-kun is much faster. Fast, strong, and flexible.
Much stronger than I am.
“You’re so weak, Charlotte.”
Lucille’s words felt like thorns, wrapping around my heart like a snake, the barbs digging in deep and tightening their grip.
“A weak, helpless princess. Someone who needs to be protected to survive, suited to being captive. All you can do is cry and beg for help, waiting for a prince to rescue you. That’s who you are, Charlotte.”
Weak.
I am weak.
I couldn’t do anything against Lucille. During the battle in the underground workshop, I was useless… No, that’s not it. Even if I had tried, I would have only been a burden. I knew that even if I used the power I had strained to muster against the giant [Ragment], it wouldn’t reach Lucille and the others.
I said I would become stronger.
That resolve hasn’t changed… But swinging my sword like this, I can’t see myself getting stronger at all.
How can I become stronger? How can I gain more power than I have now?
How can I stand alongside him, who is far ahead of me?
“You’re quite diligent, Charlotte.”
“…!”
A clear voice called out, stopping my swinging arm.
“Loretta…”
“Training is admirable, but there’s purification work tomorrow. It might be best to call it a night.”
“…You’re right. I’m sorry.”
“What’s the matter? You seem to be in a hurry.”
“…”
She saw through my frustration, and I couldn’t find any words to respond.
Loretta waited patiently, saying nothing, showing a kindness that made me feel all the more inadequate.
“I couldn’t do anything. While Al-kun fought Lucille, I was… useless.”
“So you’re training to become stronger?”
“…Yes.”
“How endearing.”
Even I knew it was childish.
Swinging a sword all night wouldn’t make me stronger. But I couldn’t just sit still. I wanted to shake off this feeling of powerlessness, even if just a little.
“Loretta, how did you become strong?”
The question slipped out naturally. It wasn’t about aiming high or honing my skills. It was a simple, selfish desire for an easy answer.
“…! I’m sorry, that was rude!”
The first thing that came out of my mouth was an apology.
Loretta’s path as a swordsman had been cut short. I had asked about her lost strength.
It was cruel, selfish, and inconsiderate.
Apologies are nothing but self-gratification. I was so ashamed of myself that I couldn’t even speak. I couldn’t even look Loretta in the face anymore, I could only look down at her in silence.
“Joy.”
I looked down at the ground, which had blended into the darkness, Her gentle voice broke through my self-reproach.
“When I wielded a sword, I always carried [joy] in my heart and used it as my sustenance.”
“Joy…?”
“Joy when I swung the sword faster, when my technique improved, when I felt certain of my strength, when I defeated a strong opponent… The accumulation of those [joys] kept me moving forward.”
“That’s a wonderful way to think.”
“Not really. I had to find joy, or I wouldn’t have endured life in this household. It was as simple as that.”
Loretta cast a somewhat self-deprecating glance at the towering Garland estate.
“My greatest joy was the thought of joining the knights after graduation. But that’s no longer possible.”
Watching her clutch her right arm pained me. I couldn’t fathom the depth of her loss, moving forward fueled by joy in an unsupportive environment.
I couldn’t understand, let alone empathize, with her struggle. I am ashamed of myself for asking such a cruel question in front of Loretta.
“…Did my answer disappoint you?”
“…No.”
“Are you sure?”
Loretta’s question silenced me. It felt like lead was clogging my throat, stopping the words from coming out.
“You’re a good person, Charlotte.”
“…What do you mean?”
“I mean it as it is. You believe that [you must become strong the right way]. That [gaining strength through wrong means] is unacceptable.”
“That’s… true, isn’t it?”
I thought back to the incident with Lucille during the day.
A memory of Lucille’s dark magic ring from earlier crossed my mind. I knew it was wrong, an instant realization.
“Strength gained the wrong way can’t be right.”
“True, it’s ideal to become strong the right way. But despite your effort, you feel powerless.”
“That’s…”
I had no rebuttal. I had been holding Al-kun back.
“…Are you saying I should rely on wrong methods?”
“You’re misunderstanding. There’s no right or wrong way to become strong. You’re too fixated on [rightness].”
“…”
You’re too fixated on [rightness]
Her words struck deep.
“You were deceived and fell into despair because of your blind faith in [rightness]. [Right] didn’t save you. It was the despised ‘wrong path’ that did.”
“Al-kun…”
“If we consider Leo your ‘right path,’ then Al-kun is the ‘wrong path.’ Yet his practical strength surpassed Leo’s, and he saved many during the capital’s incident. His strength wasn’t the result of straightforward training.”
“…”
During the capital’s crisis, only Al-kun and his [Shadows] could fight effectively. I was merely a burden, even risking my life proved futile.
Al-kun defeated all the [Ragments]. I was left exhausted and ineffective.
Right effort didn’t help in the capital or the underground workshop.
“What should I do? How can I stand alongside Al-kun?”
I don’t want to be a helpless princess who needs protection.
I want to fight beside him with my own strength.
“Well… I think you’re lacking something.”
“Lacking what?”
“Heart.”
Loretta’s words were unclear, but she continued, predicting my confusion.
“You repress your heart, focusing too much on [rightness]. That stifles your strength.”
“Heart…”
I placed a hand on my chest. Was my belief in [rightness] actually holding me back?
“You’re missing the desire for strength. The thirst for power.”
“…”
“When I mentioned [joy] as my strength, you were disappointed. You probably thought [heart alone can’t make me strong]. You wanted a method to gain power.”
“No, I…”
“It’s fine. That desire will make you strong.”
“Desire… a wish… can that lead to strength?”
“Yes. The heart is humanity’s greatest weapon. Suppressing it won’t make you stronger.”
“…”
Could it be that my belief in [rightness] was suppressing me?
If that’s true…
“…If I abandon [rightness], can I become strong?”
“It depends on how much you can release your heart.”
“Release my heart…”
I want strength. I want to be strong enough to stand beside Al-kun. I don’t want him to be alone. If that’s necessary, I…
“That’s all I can tell you. The rest is up to you to find your own [joy].”
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