Chapter 6: Michiba Rokka and Toudou Tsuyoshi’s Company Visit
Interacting with people is very difficult for me. I thought everyone else was handling it well. I just couldn’t see what was around me.
An unknown person crammed into a classroom. Friction is bound to arise. There are no villains or heroes. Just immature students who don’t know anything.
Recently, I’ve understood a little bit more. I didn’t feel a very good vibe from the group I was part of. Michiba looked very lonely. Even though she had classmates around her.
“It’s not my business.” Those words are far too lonely.
Loneliness is sad. I didn’t want to see Michiba being showered with unintentional malice.
I thought I had reset everything–
“Um, hey. Is it really okay for me to be here?”
“Of course! I’m Tanaka Haru. I’m in the special class with Toudou.”
“Ah, yeah, I’m Michiba. Nice to meet you.”
“Let’s eat!”
Michiba nodded like a small animal. I’m still worried about her… But I don’t know what to say. I silently eat my meal. Michiba responds to Tanaka’s questions while eating.
“Michiba, your table manners are quite refined.”
“Is that so? … It’s probably because my parents are chefs…”
“I see. The standard of ‘normal’ escapes me, but it’s pleasant to watch.”
“Uh-huh… Thank you. Um, hey…”
“?”
Michiba’s words trail off. I can guess what she wants to say. I [reset] Michiba. Any warm feelings I had towards her have disappeared.
…I’m contradicting myself. I thought Michiba looked sad. I felt lonely too. My head hurts. But, it doesn’t really matter.
–Just pierce through the contradiction.
“Are you okay? You look a bit off.”
“No problem. More importantly, Michiba, were you also interested in this wedding venue?”
Michiba may have a surprisingly sharp sensibility. I’m keeping my composure, but since that day I reset her, my body is occasionally ravaged by excruciating pain. That’s my new normal now.
“Yeah, because it’s a job that makes people smile. It seems wonderful. I, I… no, someday, I want to be like that too.”
Michiba was desperately holding back something. I don’t know what it is–I won’t say that. Michiba in front of me now was about to voice her complaints to me.
–It’s my fault, it’s because of me, I was useless, I was mean, I’m just, I, I–
The other person’s line of sight, eye movement, amount of sweat, scent, heart rate, skin condition. That information flows into my brain.
It’s nothing like that. She just doesn’t want to worry me.
Using self-deprecating words to build a mental defense, trying to prompt the other person to throw comforting words. It’s a common thing for children. But Michiba didn’t accept that.
Michiba is trying to move on. Just like me.
The distorted, clumsy smile that endures something is the evidence of this.
“Hmm, shall we eat this fried tofu? The chicken meat is just right for recovering strength. The body is directly connected to the mind. Don’t worry too much.”
“Eh, eh?”
“Toudou, girls can’t eat so much, can they! Michiba-san, you don’t have to force yourself to eat.”
“Hmm, Hanazono would eat it in a heartbeat.”
“Hana-chan is… that’s fine! Anyway, your waist is super slim!”
“Isn’t Tanaka the same way. Very slim.”
“Uu, wa, leave me alone! The talk is about how wonderful Hana-chan is!”
Michiba hung her head. Tanaka said nothing. Then I don’t need words either.
“… The meal is delicious. Eating with everyone, the meals are delicious, aren’t they. Ah, haha, you’re truly kind, and I’m amazed.”
I’m not really kind. If I was truly kind, I wouldn’t have reset.
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“Oh, …… I have to go back to …… “
After lunch, the afternoon observation begins. Tanaka and I are in the special classroom group. Michiba is in the same group as those classmates. But since the number of people is small, the itinerary is almost the same.
Michiba’s complexion was bad. But there was power in her eyes.
Going back to that group means they will be mean to her again. I have experienced the same atmosphere as that.
Then – what should I do?
“Michiba, if the class group is difficult for you, do you want to go around with us? After all, we’re in the same place. There should be no problem.”
Michiba showed me a startled expression for a moment. But she gritted her teeth and endured it.
“Uh, no, it’s very nice, but but I’m not going to do that.”
“I see.”
“Tanaka, Toudou, thank you.”
Michiba waved to me and went back to her classmates.
I can’t judge whether this is right or not.
In front of Michiba, who is walking with her back turned, are her former classmates, with an unpleasant smile on their faces.
Michiba is not looking down. She is facing her former classmates straight on.
Tanaka and I could only walk behind them.
“Hey, Tanaka. Friends are really difficult, aren’t they? Just a little while ago, Michiba-san was surrounded by friends. Now she is looked down upon by those friends. Is that normal? I remembered the days when I was bullied in middle school.”
Even ordinary students struggle with human relationships. For me, school must have been too difficult.
But I have no choice but to struggle. Fail, fail, learn – I shouldn’t have reset. I lose my understanding of people’s hearts.
“Yeah… When there are people below you, you feel relieved, everyone. It’s a very simple reason – they feel a sense of superiority.”
“A simple reason?”
“Yeah, [it’s fun] that’s all… Looking down on people is fun, it’s fun to be better at studying than someone, I’m cuter, I’m more popular than that guy. They’re using others to affirm themselves… Michiba-san was a popular classmate, right? Her status suddenly plummeted… And some people think that’s funny.”
“Is that so?”
— I was shocked. I didn’t think it would be that way. In that case, the difficulty level of my school life is lower than when I was under surveillance in southern France.
I felt like I understood why they were mocking me.
My classmates in middle school, my coworkers at part-time jobs, were they all amused?…
That hurts my chest. I feel unpleasant. That’s why my old self kept resetting. To erase that pain.
Michiba is an ordinary girl. She shouldn’t have to go through that pain–
No, wait?
“Tanaka, is this… normal in this world? Are such things rampant everywhere?”
Tanaka nodded weakly.
“…Yeah, not everyone is as kind as Toudou or Hana-chan. It’s really difficult, huh…”
“I see – then, if I tried to help Michiba–“
“If an outsider butts in, it could make it even worse. If Toudou’s invitation had been followed by Michiba, it might have escalated. That’s why Michiba is trying to solve it herself.”
“I see, I understand. I can only watch.”
I understood in my head. But a vague feeling was spreading in my chest. A kind of feeling I haven’t felt much. There were so many unsatisfactory things.
“Toudou, you had a date with Hana-chan at a cafe, right? If you’re okay, why don’t you invite Michiba too?”
I read in a novel that getting to know a different community can provide different stimuli and reduce stress.
It’s true that Michiba and I had a conflict. But that’s in the past. We were just immature children. Putting a hand on my chest, I think. Not a high-speed thought. I’ll explore my own feelings.
… I don’t want to see Michiba hurt. I want her to return to Michiba who laughed with me in the library.
“I’ll ask her”
I put my feelings into a short reply–
“That’s good. Hehe, Toudou’s face looks so kind. Your smiling face is the best.”
Huh, was I smiling too?
If Tanaka says so, then that’s how it is. My heart felt a little lighter.
“Uh, is it better not to say that in front of that group?”
“Yeah…, you’re right. I don’t really know Michiba-san’s friends, you know. What about Hana-chan?”
“Hanazono and Michiba probably weren’t that close. I’ll confirm, but you probably don’t know.”
“Huh? Didn’t Toudou study with Michiba-san in the library?”
“…What?”
I take out my phone from my pocket. I have a vague memory of being in contact with Michiba…
But when I check the messages, there’s no sign of Michiba.
“Ah, there’s Michiba-san! Haha, her profile picture of nikujaga is so cute.”
“…Tanaka, I do have Michiba’s contact information, it seems.”
“Huh? It’s right here.”
I can’t [recognize] it. I couldn’t see something like that. And the sadness, loneliness, and worry mixed with affection I felt from Michiba is quickly fading away.
An irreversible [reset]. An ability beyond common sense.
Scenes with Michiba flash through my mind – the library, the seaside park, the classroom…
“Tanaka, can you hold my hand?”
“Eh?! Uh, yeah. Okay, but…”
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