I think saying “I’m in love” is what you’d say about Hanazono, or that Tanaka-san who’s always next to Toudou. The atmosphere is completely different. My jealousy and Hanazono’s jealousy are different in quality. Hanazono’s is real jealousy. Mine is…just that I didn’t want my friend taken away.
Looking at Tanaka-san’s expression next to Toudou, I can tell. …Uh, that girl is a bit too cute, isn’t she? She looks kind of gyaru-ish but incredibly pure. Personally, I’d like Toudou to go out with Hanazono, but…
I silently cheer on the absent Hanazono in my heart.
–Do your best. You know Toudou the best, after all. So I’m sure you’ll be fine.
Toudou was talking with Tanaka-san, a natural smile on his face. …Huh? His face is a bit red? Is he getting flustered because Tanaka-san is so cute?
Toudou, has your expression changed? Was it like that before? He used to look like a robot, but now he seems much more human. His expressions have become quite rich.
I should ask Sasami about it later.
“Michiba, you’re late, hurry up.”
“Hmph, you were probably just staring at Toudou again, weren’t you? We don’t even exist in your eyes, do we?”
“Hey, you two, shut up – don’t bother with a girl like that.”
The male classmates in my group spat out their words without making eye contact with me.
I know. They won’t make eye contact so they don’t have to feel guilty. They’re treating me like an object.
I give a small nod.
Seeing Toudou’s change has somehow given me some energy. …I’ll keep trying a little harder.
I walked behind the friends I thought were my friends–
In the small banquet hall called the Phoenix Hall at the wedding venue, after receiving an explanation about the wedding venue work, we were to take a tour of the facility. Not only the areas visible to customers, but we would also move to the backstage area to see various work scenes.
Our group was a little noisy.
“Rokka-chan is so single-minded, huh~ She really messed up, didn’t she? If she had just kept up the study sessions in the library? Haha, I feel bad saying this, but if she had continued that, she might have been able to go out with Toudou-kun~”
“And I tried to stop you, you know? Making Toudou-kun wait two hours for karaoke? That’s crazy, right?”
“I felt sick about it too! Ah, shoot, I have to listen to the staff’s talk.”
When I’m the target of their teasing, I remain silent. I just wait for the storm to pass. Because it’s the truth.
I was stupid. So… it can’t be helped that they say these things. Every time they say it, I feel apologetic towards Toudou.
When my heart gets hurt, I can forget about it by studying. And just now, seeing Toudou made me feel energized. I have to focus on the tour.
Still, in the corner of my heart, I wish I could go home and study.
The wedding venue staff member standing next to the stern-looking teacher gave us a sour look as they looked at our group.
“The students this time are quite lively. Any questions? We’re about to head to the catering department.”
Toudou and Tanaka-san were in the front row, listening intently. I actually have questions I want to ask, but in this situation, it’ll just cause trouble later. The nail that sticks up gets hammered down. …Even though I know I don’t need to care, I can’t quite steel my heart that much.
“Well, I have a question…”
“Whoa, Toudou, you’re asking too many questions! Hey, let’s go to the next place!”
“I see, then I’ll summarize it later–“
Watching the exchange between Toudou and Tanaka, I feel a sense of warmth.
The worn-out heart that I didn’t even know about is finding peace.
A friend…?
The thought that came to my mind was… Sasami.
He’s the kind of person who likes to act smart and look down on others, but he’s trying to seriously engage with Toudou. I’m encouraged by that sight.
“Hey, is that girl staring at Toudou again?”
“Maybe she wants to go to karaoke again? How long’s the wait this time?”
“Come on, guys, stop it~ Rokka-chan’s reflecting on her actions, you know?”
There was not a trace of sincerity in their voices. It was clear they were looking down on me. ……Yet, I still…
“U-Uh, sorry. Let’s move on.”
“Huh? I’ll do what I want, no need for you to tell me.”
“Shut up, Michiba.”
“Let’s go, Rin-chan!”
I don’t want to be a victim. I don’t want to feel sorry for myself. When I think about what I’ve done, I can understand it’s inevitable.
–But my revived heart is sinking again… Toudou, what should I do?
I secretly watched Toudou talking and smiling with Tanaka.
Because if I get caught staring, I’ll be mocked–
READ THE ORIGINAL TRANSLATION AT GADGETIZEDPANDA.COM
Lunchtime, we’re eating in the employee cafeteria.
“Rokka-chan, another Japanese meal? You’re always so picky~”
“U-Uh, yeah. Japanese food is more calming for me.”
My heart starts pounding when Rin-chan, who’s sitting in front of me, talks to me. It’s hard to stay calm. I can’t be as strong-hearted as Toudou…
“Hmm, your dad’s a famous sushi chef, right? Ah, that’s why you’re so spoiled!”
“Ah, hahaha…”
I can only force a bitter laugh.
The delicious-looking food doesn’t taste like anything.
It’s supposed to be tastier when eating with friends. I eat lunch alone in the classroom. As soon as I’m done, I head to the library. It’s bland, but at least I can still taste it.
“–Oh, this seat’s open! Can I sit here?”
“Eh…?”
Tanaka sits down next to me, and Toudou sits across from us. I bow my head, unable to look up. If I raise my head, I’ll end up making eye contact with Toudou.
“This employee cafeteria really focuses on nutritional value. Impressive.”
“Ooh, looks delicious, right?”
I freeze up like a stone statue.
I can feel the unpleasant atmosphere. I know it well, having been at the top of the social hierarchy before. Even though my standing has changed, my ability to read the atmosphere remains the same. The group is all sporting unpleasant, sneering smiles.
A male student starts talking to Toudou. It’s not unusual, since they were in the same class before.
“Hey, hey, Toudou, is it really okay in front of the Michiba? She’s gonna make yo wait again, you know?”
“That’s right, you wanted to go to karaoke, didn’t you?”
“You’re supposed to be tutoring us, you know?”
Most of our class doesn’t hold any ill feelings towards Toudou. He’s just socially awkward. Thanks to Sasaki-san, that became clear.
……These guys are different. In addition to the karaoke issue, they see Toudou as… inferior to them. A loner student who can’t even go to karaoke. That’s their evaluation of him.
I want to do something about the unpleasant atmosphere, but I don’t have the power to do it now.
All I can do is bite my lip. But–, I have to do something.
“Come on, guys, don’t make Rokka-chan uncomfortable, okay? And Toudou-kun is in the special class, so let’s try to get along better.”
“Oh, yeah, you’re right. Toudou, our bad about the karaoke thing!”
“It’s because Michiba told us to, so I guess we had no choice. But let’s be friends, okay?”
I can hear my own heartbeat thumping.
I take a deep breath and look up. Just as I was about to speak up to stop them–
“Stop–“
Toudou tilted his head.
Then, he looked at the group of students and then at me. It seemed like Toudou’s eyes widened a bit. It was such a human gesture. ……Is he angry? Why?
“–Excuse me. Are you all… my acquaintances? I’m afraid I don’t recognize you.”
Tanaka’s expression was quite impressive.
She’s watching over Toudou with trust. Incredible… to be able to make such a face at our age… I can’t help but admire it.
“Huh? What’s with you, Toudou? Just because you got transferred to the special class, you’re getting all high and mighty?”
“Hey, cut it out. Toudou probably hates the Michiba too, right? So Then let’s tease–“
The boys couldn’t continue their words.
Toudou’s eyes. It wasn’t the gaze to a living being. My whole body freezes.
“–Why should I hate the Michiba? That incident has nothing to do with you. It seems I’m not welcomed here. Tanaka, let’s go over there.”
“Yeah, sure.”
It’s different from the previous Toudou, but I can’t explain what’s different.
My heart is pounding. This might be the first time I’ve felt Toudou’s emotions.
……After this, I think they’ll bully me out of spite. Yeah, as long as Toudou doesn’t end up in a bad mood, I’m fine with that.
At that time, a faltering voice was heard.
“Mi, Michiba, it looks like you’re not good with your friends. …… Hanazono said you have friends? Well, never mind. I have a suggestion, would you like to come with me over there? I’m planning to ask the staff here some things. It might give you some hints for living a normal life.”
He was like the timid Toudou I first met. A tightness gripped my heart.
I almost cried in my heart–
I looked around.
The male students had sullen faces.
The female students didn’t look pleased.
I could hear their inner voices.
–Even after doing something so terrible, is she still going?
–She just wants to use him, right?
–If you go, we’ll harass you even more.
–I’m higher on the social hierarchy now.
My heart wavered. Because I had thought that after getting the top score on the test, I could face Toudou–so, still–
Tanaka-san patted my back.
“Hey, don’t make a gloomy face, let’s go! Toudou mustered up the courage after all! Ah, see you all later!!”
“Ah, um, I, I…”
“I’ll borrow Michiba, okay? Be nice to each other!”
Everyone was captivated by Tanaka-san’s smile. The poisonous atmosphere was dispelled.
I took a deep breath.
“Phew… Yeah. Rin-chan, I’ll go.”
“Okay, see you~ Rokka-chan, I’m glad. Haha, you don’t even have to come back.”
Those words pierced my heart. –But I just need to become stronger.
“Yeah, I’ll try on my own for a while. Thanks.”
“Huh? Rokka-chan, do you want to be alone?”
“Yeah, I’m sick of the social hierarchy and all that. I’ll just quietly spend time in class.”
“Seriously? Rokka-chan, you’re joking, right? We’re friends, aren’t we?”
“I’m sorry for being selfish up until now. I won’t bother you anymore.”
“…Okay, if that’s how it is.”
I know that a small choice can easily turn into bullying. Everyone around me are just children swayed by others. But I can’t mind what others say. I need to be strong-hearted like Toudou–
Toudou and Tanaka-san are waiting for me.
I lift my head up and start walking forward resolutely.
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