Thanks to Meerkat for helping with the translation
Chapter 3: “Karmic Good News”
“One more pass, please!”
Receiving the sharp pass, Kamishiro dribbles towards the goal, sprinting forward.
With a powerful leap, she scores.
“Nice shot, Kamishiro!”
Kamishiro waves in response to the cheer from behind. Her ponytail sways gently.
Summer sunlight illuminates the gym. But there’s a different kind of heat here.
Kamishiro continues practicing with fierce determination. It’s a side of her the girls’ basketball team members have never seen before. Blessed with a good physique and outstanding athletic sense. And above all, overflowing talent.
But those present understand that such things aren’t what’s important.
Her smile is radiant, about to burst. She expresses joy with her whole body. Simply captivating.
The sense of fulfillment and strong will in her expression. A honed individual existence.
She captivates everyone’s attention with her overwhelming presence and brilliance.
–This is who Shiori Kamishiro is now.
“Good work. Here, take this.”
“Thank you very much!”
The third-year captain hands her a sports drink. Kamishiro accepts it with a smile and bows her head.
“What’s gotten into you lately? You’re working so hard.”
Of course, she had always been diligent. What changed was her approach.
“I know we invited you, but you’re like a foreign player we poached from the boys’ team. You don’t need to push yourself so hard. If you get injured–“
“Thank you for worrying about me! But this is what I want to do.”
The captain hugs Kamishiro as she bashfully responds.
“What a good girl! Don’t transfer to another team even if they offer you a signing bonus, okay?”
“I won’t! Ah, um, senpai, I’m all sweaty–“
“But Kokonoe might ask for you back.”
Kamishiro, trying to escape the captain’s hug, freezes at that name.
Originally, Kamishiro was the boys’ basketball team manager. After some twists and turns, she joined the girls’ team, but she’s still continuing as the boys’ team manager. If needed, she’s ready to return anytime.
“…Yuki wouldn’t say that. Besides, that probably wouldn’t work. Just following Yuki’s words wouldn’t change anything from before.”
A little while ago, she was firmly rejected. She was told she was disliked.
Considering what she had done, it was natural, and she didn’t even have the right to feel hurt.
But what a kind “dislike” it was.
That’s why she likes him. Kamishiro gently places a hand on her chest.
“As I am now, I can’t stand beside Yuki. I want to make Yuki happy too.”
“…I see.”
The captain didn’t pry further. There’s no need to understand. No need to know.
She just gently strokes the first-year’s head. That’s enough for a senpai’s role.
It’s the end of a time of puppy love.
From past to present. And to connect to the future.
“Kamishiro, but you really might be a bit smelly from sweat?”
“Uwaaaaaaah! How could you say that!”
The other members warmly watched as she turned bright red with teary eyes.
“Ouch!”
“Are you okay!?”
A second-year member was holding her finger. Kamishiro rushed over and quickly examined the injury.
“Looks like I jammed my finger.”
“Wait a moment, please!”
She went to get her bag, took out some tape, and carefully secured the finger.
“Wow, Kamishiro, you’re quite skilled at this.”
“Well, I was the boys’ team manager after all.”
Though it’s not like she particularly excelled as the boys’ team manager.
However, Kamishiro had learned the basics of treatment from Yukito and had been studying daily to see if there was anything she could do for the boys’ team. That experience and knowledge remain with her.
“Thank you. I should be able to continue practice like this.”
“No, you can’t! Senpai, you should go home for today. When you get home, please alternate between icing the affected area with cold water. I think you should continue this for a few days.”
“Is that so?”
“…I think it’s probably a minor injury. But I’m not an expert, so I don’t know the details.”
She told her senior to go to the hospital if the swelling doesn’t subside and the pain persists, then sent her home.
After consulting with the advisor, it was decided that she could take a break from club activities until fully healed.
After seeing off her senior, Kamishiro resumed practice. She could only hope there would be no lasting effects.
“I’m sorry for making you act like a manager for the girls’ team too, even though you’re a player.”
Kamishiro hurriedly stops the captain from apologizing. It was a sudden accident. No one was to blame.
“I should be the one apologizing for acting on my own! But I couldn’t just leave it alone. I was worried because if a jammed finger isn’t treated properly, it might not heal completely.”
She couldn’t sit still. Before she knew it, her body had moved instinctively.
“It’s a bit embarrassing as seniors to rely so much on a first-year.”
The seniors nod in agreement. Feeling awkward in the uncomfortable atmosphere, Kamishiro changes the subject.
“Well, let’s get back to practice! I want to make our girls’ basketball team the champions!”
“That’s quite an ambitious goal.”
The captain and others look distant. Seeing their reaction, Kamishiro laughs cheerfully.
“We’re aiming for the top! With relentless spirit of challenge. You could say we’re the ‘Top Girls’!”
“Wait, wait, wait!”
The team members desperately try to stop Kamishiro’s outrageous declaration. Even the advisor turns pale.
“Huh? What’s wrong?”
“No matter what, we can’t use a name that sounds like it’s from some manual that would get you arrested!”
“It sounds like we’d incur years of grudges from men…”
Hearing the flood of objections, Kamishiro expresses her disappointment.
“Eh? But ‘Top Girls’ is clear and cool…”
“Blame the quirks of the Japanese language.”
Later, after being properly educated by the other members about the unfortunate double meaning, Kamishiro deeply regretted her suggestion.
Naturally, “Top Girls” was rejected. And thus, peace was maintained. All’s well that ends well.
“By the way, Kamishiro, what are you planning to do after graduation?”
“…After graduation?”
She struggles to answer the captain’s casual question. She puts a product back on the shelf and moves away.
She had been invited by the captain to go shopping together. A personal outing unrelated to club activities.
“I thought you might have some goals in mind, since you’re talented enough to aim for a sports scholarship, and you even talked about making our team champions.”
Future goals. Entering university, and then… what do I want to do?
Nothing. An empty me. Come to think of it, maybe that was natural.
What I had been looking at wasn’t myself, but Yuki.
–And that had no meaning at all.
“It’s not just about sports-related things, you know. Did you know? Athletes spend more time not being athletes. It makes sense, right? Life after retirement is longer. Especially those who were really dedicated tend to burn out.”
The captain’s words carried a thoughtful nuance.
(… It’s the same as Yuki.)
Kind people who are really looking out for me. Maybe the captain is trying to put the brakes on my enthusiastic efforts. I naturally feel a sense of respect.
I joined the girls’ basketball team because I realized that just chasing after his back would never allow me to walk beside him. No matter how much he gets hurt, Yuki keeps moving forward, accumulating life experiences. It’s like gaining experience points, so to speak.
That’s why Yuki can do so many things. The courage to not fear challenges or failures.
In comparison, I who have only been looking at Yuki have nothing. I haven’t done anything.
What I’ve accumulated is so thin compared to Yuki.
So, I decided to look at things other than Yuki, to start living my own life.
It’s the first step. To be able to walk proudly next to Yuki.
“Thank you for worrying about me.”
“Hm? What do you mean? I just wanted to know about the future of our promising rookie.”
The captain deflects with a composed face. What a wonderful woman. A reliable, proud senior.
Like a spark of electricity, a desire is born in my chest.
It’s still vague and unclear. But I understand.
It’s–a sprout. Precious, the first original thing that’s truly mine.
I remember the past. The answer has been right in front of me since that day.
Yuki had been telling me from the beginning, but I–
“This is what I want to do–“
“Hm? What’s wrong?”
I shook my head, saying it was nothing. I returned to shopping with the seniot. But my mind was elsewhere. In a state of euphoria, I surrendered myself to a burning hope.
My heart raced, my vision cleared. It was a first-time experience. I felt grounded.
The step I took was surely connected to the future.
The air is heavy. The suffocating feeling naturally quickens my heartbeat. A rising sense of impatience.
Sweat trickles down my back, making my T-shirt stick to me. Despite it being summer, the room is chilly, contrary to the outside temperature. It’s not because of the air conditioning. It’s due to the abnormality of this place.
Darkness spreads before my eyes. Blood splatters on the walls, a cluttered room, incomprehensible text written in a notebook, faint groans from outside the room. A sudden apparition between reality and unreality.
Fiction is eroding reality. Fear is painting over emotions.
–Once you step in, no one can escape from here.
“O-o-o-onii chan, this is too scary!?”
“C-c-c-c-calm d-d-d-down”
“dear step brother, you need to calm down yourself!”
“I see”
I calmed down.
“dear step brother, you switched gears so quickly!?”
With my mental fortitude as strong as a truss structure, achieving instant mental focus is a piece of cake. I’m Yukito Kokonoe, the man who doesn’t panic even when his hard drive suddenly dies.
The three of us – me, Gikyo-chan, and Hiori-chan – came to experience a summer tradition.
Yes, it’s a test of courage. The ‘liver’ in ‘test of courage’ kanji refers to the actual liver. In other words, if you have to remove your liver due to some illness, a test of courage becomes impossible. (That’s not true)
Still, we’re law-abiding students. While abandoned buildings are popular spots for tests of courage, most of these places are off-limits. Taking middle schoolers there is out of the question, like crossing the Congo. Congo, as a country, is split into Congo and the Democratic Republic of Congo, but they were originally one country. The negative effects of the colonial era still strongly remain.
That’s why we’re in Tokyo’s largest mission-clear escape room type haunted house.
It’s been renovated from an old Japanese house, and both its appearance and contents are filled with a genuinely eerie atmosphere. We need to solve puzzles and aim for escape, but there are wandering ghosts chasing us, making it quite thrilling. Sometimes we even need to hide from ghosts, making it a fusion of a haunted house and an escape game.
Interestingly, the story is divided into chapters, and regardless of whether you clear it or not, the full picture isn’t revealed with just the currently available chapters. There are measures in place to encourage continued participation even after experiencing it once. Haunted houses have certainly evolved.
“Onii-chan, aren’t you scared!?”
“I’m used to this kind of thing”
After all, nothing is scarier than my life.
At night, long-haired women invade my bed and paralyze me, and if I go out a bit, I encounter yokai. Mere ghosts are something I’m familiar with.
“Oh, poor dear step brother, what kind of horrific experiences have you had until now–“
It’s past noon, but the room is dim without sunlight, and the lighting is unreliable.
We use the flashlights we were given to illuminate the room, but they’re quite feeble.
“Maybe we should have brought a refreshing handsome guy…”
If he were here, his dazzling face would have brightly lit up the room…
The two clinging to both my sides are truly trembling with fear. How cute.
“I often have scary experiences at home”
I wish someone would do something about my family who pour their heart and soul into surprising me.
While thinking about this, I search for clues to escape this room.
“The door is locked, of course. It’s an escape game after all. I see, I see”
“Hiori-chan, what should we do?”
“W-well, shouldn’t we explore the room and gather information first?”
We won’t make progress if they keep clinging to me. We only have thirty minutes. We need to clear the mission and aim for escape within that time. Don’t worry, we won’t be cursed to death even if we fail the mission. We can try again on the same day or come back another day.
The two of them, looking scared, struggle to solve the riddles from the conspicuously placed hints.
It’s quite heartwarming. I feel a gentle warmth, unsuited to this horror space.
“dear step brother, have you already solved the puzzle?”
“Detective Onii-chan is amazing!”
I tell the two amazed girls nonchalantly. This is hardly a puzzle.
“Listen? Puzzles are no big deal. Escaping is easy”
I take out a precision screwdriver from my pocket. I go to the locked door and jiggle the doorknob. Maybe because it was originally an old Japanese house, it’s just a regular cylinder lock with low security.
“This type of lock is easy. First, insert a flathead screwdriver into the small groove between the door and the doorknob and lift it, and the cover comes off. Next, the upper and lower screws–“
[Please refrain from unintended solutions]
“Yes”
A ghost from outside the room warned me. What a conscientious spirit. I’ll follow the rules.
“Onii-chan…”
Hiori-chan looked at me with troubled eyes. I’m sorry.
But come on! This is the quickest way to escape, you know!
“Why do you even have such unnecessary knowledge…”
Of course, it’s because I tried to install a lock on my room. It was voted down by the majority, but in the case of my sister, she’d probably pick a tubular lock in an instant, so it might be meaningless anyway.
“Well, let’s solve some puzzles!”
With renewed spirit, I engage in puzzle-solving. The date on the placed newspaper is from the Showa era.
An article about a family massacre that occurred fifty years ago. The only body not found was that of the second son.
The culprit has already been arrested and has confessed to killing the second son as well.
Then, where did that body go? The whereabouts of the missing body that should have been killed.
It’s quite an elaborate setting. The second son might actually be alive.
We organize information from fragmentary hints. As we unravel the mystery, we get closer to the truth of the incident that occurred in the past. The culprit, and the body. The setting seems to be quite well-thought-out.
Speaking of mystery conventions, there’s the dying message, but it’s laughable how people have the composure to leave behind encrypted hints that require complex reasoning when they’re on the verge of death.
“Hiori-chan, come here”
“Did you find something, Onii-chan?”
When I beckon, Hiori-chan comes over and peers at what I’m holding. A newspaper from the time of the incident and incomprehensible text written in a notebook. If we read it carefully, we should be able to solve the puzzle.
“Hmm, I wonder what this is used for?”
I open a drawer with a click and take out an item, handing it to Gikyo-chan.
“Uuu. Gikyo is stupid, so I don’t understand at all…”
“Even if you get possessed, Jagai-san will take care of it, so it’s okay”
It’s good to have an onmyoji acquaintance.
“Ah! Onii-chan, you’ve already solved it again!?”
I have, but it would spoil the fun if I solved everything.
Besides, we’d probably fail the mission. We’re in the first room, but the entire old house is the stage, and after leaving this room, we’ll have to clear rooms in the living room, kitchen, toilet, bath, and even go upstairs.
Nearly fifteen minutes have passed so far. Thirty minutes is far too short to clear everything.
It’s probably designed to be played multiple times from the start. We can gradually conquer it.
“Gyaa! This feels slimy and obscene, Onii-chan!”
“dear step brother, i-is this a human finger!? Eek! There’s a hand tapping on the window!?”
We struggle to find answers while being assaulted by terrifying experiences.
By the time the two solved the puzzle and escaped the first room, exactly thirty minutes had passed.
“…It’s difficult”
“Boo-boo. Onii-chan, you should have helped more!”
Gikyo-chan looks dejected, and Hiori-chan is pouting.
“…I’m ashamed to admit, but I had a little accident due to the extreme fear”
“Huh? Gikyo-chan, did you just wet your–“
As we stepped out of the dimly lit old house, we were greeted by the scorching summer sunlight for the first time in hours.
“It’s been a while since I met a moralist, not since Goddess sensei.”
“Actually, Onii-chan, it’s more of an immoral act…”
But there’s nothing we can do about scary things. We can’t blame natural bodily functions.
Even so, the two of them were bravely facing their fears, pushing them aside.
I limited myself to giving minimal hints, but they might not have needed any help at all.
“You solved the mystery just fine. Next time, let’s try again.”
Hiori-chan, who had looked unsatisfied, now smiled brightly.
“Yeah, that’s right! Let’s come back together again, big brother!”
“Next time, should we challenge it with more people?”
This time there were three of us, but there’s a limit to how many people can participate at once. The more participants, the more lively the deductions and exchange of opinions become, which should help with solving the puzzles.
“Then, then, next time I’ll bring my big sister too! You know, recently, my big sister has been doing nothing but desk work, so she’s gained weight and gotten chubby? She was shocked when she got out of the bath.”
I imagined a piglet-like Hinagi. Plump and round, cute in her own way.
“Alright, let’s bring her some cake next time.”
“As expected of you, Onii-chan!”
Hiori-chan regularly reveals major secrets about Hinagi. Their sisterly relationship should be improving, but traces of venom still leak out here and there. Please get along, sisters.
As Hiori-chan and I were getting excited discussing Hinagi’s weight, I noticed Gikyo-chan looking down. Her expression was somewhat dark. Maybe talking about women’s weight was insensitive.
“Are you tired? Should we take a break somewhere?”
“N-no, it’s not that…”
“What’s wrong, Gikyo-chan?”
Hiori-chan peered into Gikyo-chan’s face with concern.
“…I wonder if there will be a next time for Gikyo. I’m scared. Scared that this time, which I found so enjoyable, will end. That I’ll go back to those painful days as usual.”
She shed tears, desperately trying to convince herself, clinging to a faint hope.
I won’t sympathize. I won’t console her easily. That won’t do. Such thoughts–
“That’s not true, Gikyo-chan!”
“Hiori-san?”
Hiori-chan took her hand and looked at her with eyes full of strong will.
“Whether there’s a next time depends on you, Gikyo-chan! You decide for yourself. Not anyone else. If every day is painful, only you can change that!”
She said exactly what I wanted to say. Left empty-handed, I swallowed my words.
But maybe this is for the best. Hiori-chan’s words should reach her better.
Running away isn’t always bad. Sometimes it’s necessary. Asking for help is important too. But just running away won’t solve anything. While doing so, you might lose even the escape routes and become timid about facing things.
“But Gikyo has nothing! Nothing to be proud of, nothing I can grasp with these hands!”
She stretched out her small hands as far as she could, but couldn’t reach what she wanted.
A girl who had been constantly denied everything by her mother. She had lost confidence and lived in fear.
Still, unable to hate her mother, she struggled, bound tightly.
Not knowing what to do, she sought salvation.
Everyone wishes to become someone.
Then who will acknowledge that? When will they acknowledge it?
Looking for an ally, she found me. But I can’t always be her ally.
I can’t be the protector of my little sister.
Watching my sister’s tears fall, I quietly reached for my smartphone.
After parting with Hiori-chan, I thought about going straight home, but I couldn’t leave Gikyo-chan like this with her dejected expression. It was approaching evening. We still had plenty of time.
“Is there anywhere you’d like to go now?”
After thinking for a while, she gave an unexpected answer.
“I’d like you to show me around town, dear step brother!”
“Is that okay?”
My little sister nodded firmly. I had been thinking of going to some entertainment facility like a movie theater or bowling alley to cheer her up, but her wish was unexpectedly simple.
As for showing her around, there weren’t any particularly distinctive facilities in this town. It wouldn’t make sense to introduce evacuation sites for disasters, so I was wondering what to do when an idea struck me.
“Let’s go. Want to hold hands?”
“Y-yes.”
A small hand timidly overlapped with mine. A body temperature slightly higher than mine was transmitted.
It felt natural, as if we were real siblings.
“Is it childish?”
“Gikyo is still a child, so it’s fine.”
“That’s true. I’m still a minor too.”
I put strength into our joined hands. I didn’t want to let go of this warmth.
Realizing that my dear step brother was taking small steps to match my pace made my heart feel warm.
We walked steadily towards our destination. Time flowed slowly.
“Somehow, I feel like this happened a long time ago.”
“–Gikyo feels that way too.”
A small lie. In truth, I remembered it vividly. The time we walked like this.
Maybe I had been seeking this since back then. I envied my friends who had siblings. Surely those children envied me for being an only child. A fantasy of wanting what I didn’t have.
If I had an older brother or sister, how would I have turned out? Would my mother have been kinder to me? Or maybe she would have been just as exasperated as she is now.
“We’re here.”
The place where my brother stopped was unremarkable. The sky at dusk was painted red.
Looking around, there weren’t many people. I only saw an old person walking their dog. I couldn’t see any stone monuments either. I wondered if there was some historical significance to this place.
“This is where I got rejected by my childhood friend.”
His casual tone almost made me miss it. After a while, my brain understood.
“You, dear step brother?”
“Well, I guess I didn’t know my place.”
A bitter memory– or was it? My dear step brother seemed completely calm, showing no emotional fluctuation. As if he thought it was natural–
“Alright, let’s go to the next place.”
My thoughts were filled with questions. Why did he bring me here? Was there some meaning to it? I hesitated to delve deeper. I just followed as he led me across the pedestrian bridge.
“Stop. I fell from here and broke my arm. Just between us, that really hurt. I’m glad Shiori was okay, but be careful when going down stairs, okay?”
“Yes! Um… are you alright now?”
An obvious question. My current dear step brother doesn’t seem to be injured.
“That was years ago. Well, next.”
We descend the pedestrian bridge and walk for a while. I did say I wanted to be shown around town, but this feels different. Yet, I couldn’t bring myself to say it out loud.
However, I was beginning to understand vaguely. Perhaps this was my dear step brother’s history. We were tracing his life and memories. He was showing them to me.
The next place we stopped was a park. A bleak, ordinary-looking park.
“They’ve been removed now, but there used to be playground equipment here. I fell from it and got seriously injured. I still have scars, but I feel terrible for showing such a gruesome scene to Yuri-san and her friends. I just hope it didn’t traumatize them.”
We left the park and walked a short distance before my dear step brother stopped again.
“After that, I was kidnapped here. I misunderstood, thinking they were taking me to the hospital. What was that all about…? I was released soon after, but it remains an eternal mystery.”
“Um, I can’t follow your story, dear step brother…”
I suggested nervously, but he paid no attention.
“The public safety here is like a town where boy detectives frequently appear.”
“It sounds like you might encounter two incidents in a morning and afternoon.”
After that, my dear step brother continued to show me around town as I had asked.
“Here, I got a deep cut on my leg and needed seven stitches. Dr. Reizei was furious with me.”
“Aren’t there too many blood-stained spots!?”
“Maybe I’m accident-prone. Want to see my scars?”
“I’ll pass!”
My dear step brother casually recounted hair-raising episodes. Although they were all painful events, he remained composed. Relieved by his demeanor, I found myself, inappropriately, enjoying learning about bits of my dear step brother’s past. –But.
If it were me, could I speak so naturally, like my dear step brother?
A tragic past. I might be pessimistic about my unfortunate self, feeling depressed. Resenting this world, hating it, envying others, unable to accept the sadness. I would have long since reached my limit.
I look up at my dear step brother as we eat the crepes we bought together. His expression is perfectly normal.
Driven by impulse, I blurted out a question.
“… Didn’t you feel pain, dear step brother?”
“Pain?”
He looks up at the void as if he couldn’t understand. After a brief moment of thought, he continues.
“The world is unreasonable to no end. Wishes go unfulfilled, hopes are crushed, and expectations are betrayed. That’s just how it is. — It’s like not being able to choose your parents.”
His words pierce my heart. Tears well up gradually. I didn’t want to accept what my dear step brother was saying.
Because that’s… such a world is far too–
“Isn’t that too cruel!”
There’s no point in lashing out at my dear step brother. Still, unable to contain myself, I let my emotions explode.
That’s when I realized. I wanted the answer I wished for. I believed that my dear step brother would save poor me, become my ally and protect me, tell me so.
“Isn’t it okay to have ideals…?”
I wanted to depend on my dear step brother more. I thought he would indulge me.
— I wanted him to be my dear step brother alone.
My dear step brother is busy. He meets someone almost every day, does various things, and is always working even at home. This time I can spend with him is more precious than anything.
My dear step brother was loved. By both step mother and step sister. And he’s looked up to.
Hiori-san said that my dear step brother would somehow make things right.
Everyone relies on my dear step brother. — Just like me. Even father does.
Originally, father shouldn’t have intended to show his face to my dear step brother. It’s understandable considering what he’s done until now. But father had no choice but to rely on him. It’s the same for mother. What mother needed was my dear step brother, not me. I couldn’t save mother. Even though we’re family, my family.
“I don’t understand! What I should do, what I want to do!”
Without grasping what the right answer is, or what I want to become, I’m just going with the flow, selfishly complaining to my dear step brother here and now. A troublesome, annoying, terrible little sister.
My dear step brother just quietly listened to my disgraceful behavior.
A large hand gently rested on top of my head.
“You need to train your mental strength.”
It’s embarrassing, as if he’s seen through my weak mind. It’s strict yet kind, constricting my chest.
“It’s about time that old man shows up, getting impatient.”
“Huh?”
I couldn’t see anything my dear step brother was looking at. That frustrated me.
Even mother would rely on my dear step brother. I keenly feel the difference.
“Shall we go home?”
I nod with few words. Into the darkness ahead, not knowing what will happen.
“What’s the meaning of this, Ouka! I won’t allow adoption!”
my old man showed up before us the next day.
The fact that only my old man came here might mean that Tsubaki san-san is feeling unwell. Or perhaps, anticipating a conflict with Gikyo-chan, he intentionally didn’t bring her along. Either way, it was a convenient development for me.
I invite him into the living room. The atmosphere is different from when I last saw him in front of the apartment.
He can’t hide the signs of fatigue. He might not have been getting much sleep.
I suppose it’s understandable if he’s told his only daughter is being adopted. Originally, the adoption was my idea. I stop mother from trying to argue and take charge of dealing with my old man.
“My little sister wants to get away from you toxic parents.”
“Toxic parents!?”
my old man grabs me by the collar. Mother and sister are on the verge of exploding. Killing intent is pouring out.
“You’re aware of it, aren’t you?”
“Guh!”
my old man releases his grip, clearly irritated. I can’t let him take my little sister back here.
“Nyah nyah, toxic parents!”
I try to provoke him crudely.
“You bastard!”
my old man’s anger is about to reach critical point. By the way, mother and sister have already passed that point.
“It’s better for both sides to keep some distance. If this continues, you’ll truly be hated by your daughter and lose everything. Is that okay with you, old man?”
For my old man who had abandoned everything else, that was an absolutely impossible choice.
His wife and daughter, that’s all he has left to protect.
“… Can I see Gikyo?”
my old man squeezes out the words, looking haggard.
“Then the visiting time is thirty seconds.”
“Hey!”
I go to call Gikyo-chan, who I’ve told to stay in my room.
Seeing her father, she looks relieved for a moment, but quickly hides it.
“Gikyo, you–“
“As I thought, mother didn’t come…”
“That’s not true! Tsubaki san is just unable to move due to stress–“
“I don’t want to hear it anymore! I hate both father and mother!”
Gikyo-chan slams the door shut and shuts herself in the room. That’s fine, that’s fine.
A violent rejection. He probably never experienced such strong self-assertion from his daughter before. Perhaps shocked, my old man collapses on the spot.
“What a terrible mother, really. Not even coming to take back her child who’s been taken away. If she had come together and tried to persuade Gikyo-chan, her sincerity might have gotten through.”
I shower him with words as I look down at my old man.
“No, that’s not it… Tsubaki san has been bedridden from shock, she really isn’t in a condition to move…”
“That doesn’t matter. Results are everything.”
The rejection from his daughter was a critical hit to the mentally weak old man.
Now that he’s in a nice state of mental breakdown, it’s about time to get to the main point.
There’s no use in continuing like this forever. Time to accomplish my goal.
“Well then, shall we go?”
I take my old man’s arm and help him stand up. He looks puzzled.
“I mean human compensation. If my little sister is adopted, then you become my legal guardian.”
The world’s first child exchange. I wonder if it will evolve with communication cables?
“Huh? Wait, Yukito. What on earth are you saying–“
Mother embraces me, looking worried.
“Are you going?”
“I’ll be in your care for a while.”
Mother’s hands were trembling. Her anxiety is transmitted through her heartbeat.
Even if my old man becomes my legal guardian, it doesn’t change the fact that I’m mother’s child.
“… I believe in Yukito and will wait. So, make sure to come back. Otherwise, I’ll end up killing this man. — I can’t bear a world without you.”
A single tear runs down mother’s cheek. While I’m captivated, her lips are suddenly about to touch mine.
Before I can take out the “Mother Churu” from my pocket, I’m being kissed.
“…mm…mmm…mm—-!”
I struggle in vain to no effect. my old man watches this scene in shock.
“Now it’s my turn.”
“No, wait, calm down– I’m tired of this pattern, mm…mm——!”
This time Yuuri-san kisses me. Her technique is gradually improving. It’s frightening.
I become a melting mess, barely able to breathe. I’m suddenly exhausted. Completely worn out.
Still, even though I’m just going away for a few days, everyone’s such a worrywart.
“Um… Are you all always like this?”
The Shinkansen is comfortable. I guess my old man didn’t have the energy to come by car given his poor condition.
I tell the reality to my old man who’s asking timidly.
“Of course not.”
“Is that so!?”
Well, that’s how it is. For some reason, my old man seems to be agonizing.
I see, wait a minute. Could it be his brain is destroyed?
Even though they’re divorced, seeing his ex-wife kiss another man in front of him might make him feel like he’s being cheated on. Though that other man is me, his son.
Poor old man, his brain is destroyed. If he doesn’t touch something gentle, it’s inevitable that it won’t be repaired.
“Could it be that you still have lingering feelings for mother?”
“Don’t be ridiculous. There’s no way. … No, in any case, I’m not allowed such things. In any case, I should be resented and hated. It’s pointless to even think about it.”
“Mother said you’re physiologically repulsive.”
“Ugh.”
He was taking damage little by little.
“Oh, big sis also said the same.”
“Ugh!”
I dealt some extra damage. For my point of view, that’s just normal when it comes to dealing with my old man.
It might sound harsh, but my old man doesn’t deserve to be part of this family.
“Anyway, what are you thinking?”
Even while taking serious damage, my old man tried to figure out my true intentions.
Hahaha. He probably never expected me to retaliate through adoption.
Though it’s actually just a bluff, no one would understand the current situation where my sister is going to the Kokonoe family and I’m heading to the Touren family. Keeping a distance is one reason, but the quickest way to resolve this is to confront the main issue directly.
“Before that, I have something to ask.”
“What is it? I’m tired too. I won’t hide anything anymore.”
I asked the only question I couldn’t figure out, to my old man who sighed deeply as he sank into his seat.
“Why did Tsubaki san san suddenly push Gikyo-chan away?”
That was the only thing I couldn’t understand. The reason for the sudden change of heart. And then my old man showed up before us, doing something ridiculous that shouldn’t have been possible.
“It wasn’t that she pushed her away. She lost sight of her.”
my old man closed his eyes and began to speak, filled with regret.
READ THE ORIGINAL TRANSLATION AT GADGETIZEDPANDA.COM
my old man’s small lie was that his marriage with my mother had already broken down before he got involved with Tsubaki san. To reassure Tsubaki san, or perhaps to make excuses for himself, he told this trivial lie. And the Touren family supported that lie.
At that time, Tsubaki san was so depressed from her ex-husband’s DV and power harassment that she was visiting a psychiatrist, having a mental breakdown. To her, my old man was a savior. Tsubaki san’s parents, the Touren family, were also pained by her condition. They were overjoyed more than anyone else that meeting my old man was helping her recover.
Tsubaki san needed my old man. And that meant she needed him much more than my mother did. Therefore, the Touren family paid a large sum of money to my mother.
It was like a penalty fee, showing the utmost sincerity towards my mother.
But even so, betrayal is still betrayal. The Touren family welcomed my old man’s decision to abandon everything, pay a huge alimony, and cut ties with his relatives and parents, secretly justifying the lie.
They thought that even if the lie became known, by then Tsubaki san would have recovered. What they needed was time. And that became reality.
Tsubaki san found out about our existence. The children her husband had abandoned.
Since childhood, Tsubaki san had felt inferior to her outstanding older siblings. She began to intensely educate Gikyo-chan. It seems she had a sense of rivalry against her siblings and us.
She probably wanted to prove herself. While her siblings were entrusted with the family business, she, who had been pampered and allowed to live freely, had always been expected to prove herself. What Tsubaki san truly wanted was not freedom but her parents’ expectations. Time passed with these pent-up feelings, and now my old man had us as children. Tsubaki san didn’t want to lose. She feared being compared. That’s why she continued to give Gikyo-chan a thorough education.
In recent days, unexpectedly, I became famous.
Naturally, Tsubaki san noticed and burned with intense jealousy.
Oh no, am I going to lose again? A life of miserable defeats, always.
Even knowing it was just paranoia, she couldn’t escape the feeling.
The expectations placed on Gikyo-chan grew, and simultaneously became an unbearable pressure.
Though Tsubaki san saw me as an enemy and rival, my old man, worried about Gikyo-chan’s increasing exhaustion and Tsubaki san’s deeper immersion into education, investigated me.
And Tsubaki san found out too—about my circumstances.
There was a time when Sekka seriously tried to adopt me. It was when she mistakenly thought I was being abused. Although I didn’t care at all, it’s true that there was a period when our relationship was that broken, and that can’t be changed.
Thus, Tsubaki san lost sight of everything. She had entrusted everything to Gikyo-chan.
She had resolved not to let her walk the same path of failure she did.
But knowing that taking my old man from me had made me unhappy and possibly abused,
she couldn’t see me as an enemy anymore.
In fact, she couldn’t bear the guilt of having taken someone else’s happiness, thinking herself miserably foolishly as the only one unhappy, and dancing ridiculously in ignorance.
So my old man suddenly showed up saying he wanted to take me in. And that was also Tsubaki san’s wish. Tsubaki san genuinely considered adopting me as a stepmother if I was being abused. She’s probably a kind-hearted person at her core. Just mentally fragile.
My mother, my sister, and I have strong minds, so it must be the bloodline from my mother’s side.
A hand reaching out to help, filled with goodwill, not malice.
The one in trouble was Gikyo-chan. She had been given a gifted education to follow in Tsubaki san’s footsteps but lost that purpose. She realized she had no one to compete with after all the hard work. A sense of futility as everything returned to nothing.
Not knowing how to interact with her daughter. Gikyo-chan is Tsubaki san herself. A mirror image.
She had dedicated and entrusted everything to her. But even noticing cracks in that mirror, it was too late, and she couldn’t do anything about it. Tsubaki san suffered deeply.
And my old man sought me. Indeed, if I were to go to his house, it would benefit Gikyo-chan and fulfill Tsubaki san’s redemption.
In reality, I wasn’t being abused, and I love my family, so things wouldn’t go as smoothly as they thought. But they couldn’t possibly know that.
After hearing all that, my thoughts were simple.
“That’s pathetic.”
“Yeah, it is. I won’t deny it. What have we been doing all this time…?”
Tears welled up in my old man’s eyes. He too had been suffering from a life where nothing went right. Even the one happiness he sought, after giving up everything, slipped through his fingers.
“So basically, you just want to reconcile. It’ll work out somehow, right? It’s a request from my sister.”
I’ve always thought this, but people who use “basically” can’t summarize anything. It’s a word used by untrustworthy people. There’s no need to use “basically” at all.
“Yukito, why are you so…”
my old man looked at me with a mix of fear and disbelief.
“Yatsuhashi, I’m tired of it…”
I ate too much Yatsuhashi on the train. My mouth was too sweet. I wonder if they sell green tea bottles somewhere.
“What! And then, Onii-chan, went alone!?”
In my dear step brother’s room, I called Hiori-san alone to consult about the situation.
As my dear step brother had predicted, my father came to take me back. He couldn’t hide his disappointment that my mother wasn’t there. As expected, my mother thought of me as just that much.
That fact made me feel like my value was being proven, and I almost fell into despair.
I thought I might be taken back just like that. But I was relieved to find out that my dear step brother had no such intention. He instructed me to hide in the room, and easily convinced my father. And somehow, only my dear step brother decided to go back to my mother with my father. I didn’t understand what my dear step brother was trying to do. I asked my step mother, but she just smiled wryly and gave no answers.
After finishing the detailed explanation, Hiori-san began to ponder.
“I can’t predict what Onii-chan will do, but somehow… hmm…”
“What is it? Is something bothering you?”
It’s rare for the lively Hiori-san to speak hesitantly, like she had something stuck in her teeth.
“I don’t know, but Gikyo-chan, is that really okay with you?”
“My dear step brother told me to leave everything to him—”
I don’t know what’s good or bad anymore. I just followed my dear step brother’s words. As I struggled to find an answer, Hiori-san, seemingly having gathered her thoughts, spoke a bit more firmly.
[But this is Gikyo’s problem, isn’t it?]
“—!”
My breath catches for a moment, as if struck by a wedge.
[If it’s Onii-chan, I’m sure he’ll solve it. But if you leave it all to him, Gikyo, I think you’ll regret it. Because he’s an outsider.]
“That’s…”
I clung to my brother for help. He gives me a comforting feeling. I understand why I want to rely on him.
[If your brother solves everything, and you come back after it’s all over, staying as an innocent child who knows nothing, maybe that’s fine. But if that’s not the case—]
Surely, because it wasn’t the case, Mom suffered.
[Gikyo, why don’t you talk with my sister for a bit now?]
“Hey, you’re Yukito’s sister, right? Nice to meet you. I’m Hinagi.”
I grasp the hand extended towards me, her eyes looking at me with curiosity.
“I’m Gikyo Touren. Thank you for taking the time to meet me—”
“Oh, it’s fine. I needed a break anyway.”
Hinagi, Hiori’s older sister, is very beautiful. She’s my dear step brother’s childhood friend.
I’ve heard that my parents were also childhood friends. It might be more common than I thought.
I’m envious. I wish I had someone like that…
“I came here with my dear step brother.”
“Did you? Then I guess you know.”
Hinagi turns around. Only these two childhood friends know the truth about this place.
Hinagi smiles, but she looks so sad, full of sorrow.
Even though she’s smiling, her heart seems to be crying. It makes me feel so sad.
This place, which my dear step brother showed me, is full of memories of being rejected by a childhood friend.
When I arranged to meet Hinagi, she specified this place. I wanted to know why, so I rudely asked. Because for them, this place should be avoided.
“Do you dislike my dear step brother, Hinagi san?”
I still don’t understand love. It hasn’t been a priority for me.
If there was a boy I liked in my class, maybe I’d realize it. But whenever the topic came up with friends, it felt like a distant dream, not something real. I just listened. When asked who I liked, I avoided the question. If I had to say, it would be my dear step brother.
“No, I love him. I loved him so much. And I hurt him.”
Hinagi brushes her hair back with her hand. The wind gently blows through her hair.
In her eyes, she might be seeing Yukito from back then.
“I was selfish, foolish, and hopelessly stupid. I thought I could get everything I wanted by shouting hysterically. But I got frustrated with reality when things didn’t go well.”
She talks about her regrets. No matter how much she wishes to redo it, it’s impossible.
“I didn’t realize the happiness right in front of me. What I wanted was already in my hands. Yukito was always making me happy. Because it was part of my daily life, I took it for granted.”
What Hinagi says is strangely the opposite of what my dear step brother had told me.
my dear step brother said he never got what he wanted.
“I heard a bit about you, Gikyo. I didn’t know Yukito had a little sister.”
“Well, I think my dear step brother feels the same way.”
“Would Yukito be surprised—? No, probably not. It’s Yukito.”
She bursts into laughter. The mystery around my dear step brother keeps growing.
One day, a father appeared out of nowhere, and one day, a sister asked for help.
For my dear step brother, what do we mean to him? Maybe his stepmother’s attitude reflects his true feelings—annoying and troublesome.
“I received so much from Yukito. So much that I can’t repay. Now I understand how much he loved me, how much he cherished me. At the same time, I wonder how shallow my feelings were. Did they even match Yukito’s?”
“Then why?”
Hinagi’s feelings for Yukito are love. Yukito loves her, and she loves him. So why aren’t they together now?
“No, it’s no good. I can’t make Yukito happy with my immature self. I have to be able to make him happier than he made me, or it’s not enough.”
Hinagi turns to look at me, staring intently.
“Can you make Yukito happy, Gikyo?”
Her serious gaze doesn’t allow me to avoid the question.
I take a step back unconsciously. The intense determination from Hinagi is overwhelming.
It’s something I never felt from my mother, different from my friends. It’s the first time I’ve encountered such strength.
“I…”
I stammer, struggling to find words. Suddenly, I realize what’s being asked of me: a price to pay.
I asked my dear step brother for help. He granted my wish. Somehow, I thought it was natural, that I was entitled to receive the benefit. I was mistaken.
“But it’s tough, right? Yukito is kind, so lots of girls gather around him. And they’re all cute. I get jealous. I want to monopolize him, but I can’t.”
She pouts, expressing her frustration, but she looks happy.
“But that’s why I love Yukito.”
Her declaration, made without shame, impresses me. She’s so bright and dazzling.
An emotion rises within me. I want to be like her, an ideal woman.
“Regretting endlessly, wishing to go back to the past, I lost our bond and sight of him. Yukito didn’t want that. All he wanted was to be together. I’m a failure as a childhood friend.”
Even now, the distance between Hinagi and me continues to grow. I feel left behind.
Hinagi moves forward on her own, while I just cling to my dear step brother, unable to move. my dear step brother isn’t here, so why am I here?
“Your family is waiting, Gikyo. They’re waiting for you.”
A unique sense of exhilaration I never felt in a match. Even after a while, it doesn’t subside. My heart keeps pounding as I take a shower to calm down.
This choice will shape my future. It’s my decision, my responsibility.
I realize how great Yuki is. Yuki has always made such choices.
I’m very different from the me who never thought deeply about things.
Water from the shower flows down the drain. I hug my trembling body under the stream, just watching it.
When you’re at the front, there’s no one else. You have to choose your path.
Yuki might have been uncertain too. But Yuki kept working to make it the right choice.
“I have to decide my own right answer—”
Before I knew it, I was recalling middle school. I never worried about my future.
I was just chasing after Yuki. That’s all I was desperate about.
I finally realized that my foolish choice troubled Yuki.
Anyone would feel the same if told that. No one can shoulder another’s life.
“—I’m such an idiot.”
My murmur flows away with the droplets from my eyes.
“Kamishiro, how are your exams?”
“I think they’re okay. Haha.”
I gave an ambiguous answer when called to the staff room. I had an idea why I was summoned. The teacher probably wasn’t asking about my exams.
Because the person who called me is the advisor for the boys’ basketball team.
It’s February. We third-year students have long since retired from club activities to prepare for exams.
We’ve handed everything over, and there are only a few days left until graduation.
“Kamishiro, you were close with Kokonoe, right?”
“Not that close…”
A pang of guilt hits my chest. I have to deny our relationship, and the reason for it.
The situation that arose because of it was all my fault, and I hide it. Even if it’s Yuki’s instruction.
“But the truth is, you’re the only one. I went with the others to apologize, but it didn’t work. Could you try talking to him?”
“Me? …”
“Yes. At this rate, we don’t know if they’ll come back in two years or even one.”
The troubled teacher sighed heavily and took a sip of coffee.
“Are they still the same?”
“Hmm? If anything, they’ve been coming to club activities even less recently. The other guy is probably fine with his exams, and many seem to be following him. It’s a senior’s responsibility, so I think they’ll come back after graduation…”
“I see…”
Since that incident, the boys’ basketball club has been practically closed.
The third-year members of the boys’ basketball club missed their last tournament because Yuki broken bone.
The team had achieved remarkable results in the previous tournament and was eager for the last one. Yuki’s injury was unexpected for the members who were so motivated. Their enthusiasm turned into frustration, and they entered the tournament with low spirits, resulting in a humiliating first-round defeat.
The members, who had been practicing more seriously and diligently than ever, ended up blaming Yuki. Even the advisor criticized him for poor self-management.
Yuki apologized to everyone for the trouble he caused and left the club.
–Without ever explaining why.
The advisor and the members, who hadn’t expected him to quit, tried frantically to stop him, but it was too late. Apologizing for their harsh words after the fact was useless. There was no reason for the third-years to stay in the club after the last tournament. Trying to stop him now was futile.
But that wasn’t the end of it.
The previous tournament’s success was thanks to Yuki leading the team.
The other members hadn’t been as dedicated to the club. The boys’ basketball club was more of a casual place for enjoying basketball.
However, it was different for the second and first-year students. Some first-years joined the club because they were inspired by Yuki’s performance, and many second-years were also influenced by Yuki to play more seriously. For these members, seeing the third-years blame Yuki and push him out created inevitable friction.
After Yuki left, the boys’ basketball club became divided and strained. This situation continued until the third-years retired, and during this time, more underclassmen stopped attending club activities.
And where did those underclassmen go–?
“I think you already know,”
“Well, Kokonoe seems to be troubled by it too. He said he’s been talking to them…”
“He’s surprisingly good at looking after others.”
“Even so… Anyway, Kamishiro, please talk to him once.”
“I understand.”
I responded and left the staff room.
It’s unfortunate, but this is an impossible mission for me.
There’s no way I can handle this, being one of the people involved.
Walking down the hallway, I’m plagued by countless regrets I’ve repeated hundreds, thousands of times. In the end, this is all something I caused. The responsibility for this situation lies with me.
The reason I can be here now is because Yuki protected me.
Yuki broke his bone to protect me and kept quiet about it to prevent me from being blamed by others. I was saved twice.
I can’t reveal the reason why Yuki broke his leg. I can’t ruin what he kept secret. Even if it tortures me, it’s the only way I can atone for Yuki. I deserve to suffer more.
February. It’s a trying season for exam-takers.
And a season for expressing feelings.
The winter sky I looked up at was endlessly clear, and the chilly wind brushed against my cheek.
“Go home, you little brats.”
“There’s only a year’s difference between us.”
“Look, I’m a student preparing for exams, you know.”
“Senpai, are your exams tough?”
“Don’t underestimate me, kid. I’d pass a hundred times out of a hundred.”
“It sounds like bragging, but you seem serious, which is impressive.”
“I’m telling the truth!”
The high school I chose isn’t particularly difficult. I can confidently say the exam will be easy. Recognizing facts as facts is who I am, Yukito Kokonoe.
As long as I don’t get hit with a stomachache during the test and fail to answer a single question, it’s a walk in the park. Though, considering my poor academic record, that’s a bit worrying, but there’s nothing I can do about it. I’ve been careful to stay on the teacher’s good side, so I think I’ll be fine. Yep.
“You guys should go to club activities. The advisor complained again the other day.”
After school, for some reason, I was surrounded by members of the basketball club. Although I had already quit the club, so they weren’t directly my juniors.
“Maybe it will be like this until graduation?”
“Is this going to continue for another month? And are there more of you?”
“Many of the first-years joined because they wanted to play with you, senpai. Given the situation, they choose this. I still want to be active with you, senpai.”
“I don’t want to be chosen. Why should I have to exercise outside in this cold winter?”
“Come on, it’s fine! Let’s go, senpai!”
“Don’t you guys have any respect for your seniors?”
“I heard you did whatever you wanted when you were a first-year.”
“I always wonder, who spreads these weird rumors about me?”
I tilted my head but couldn’t find an answer. They pushed me forward, and the basketball club members plus the retired me were dragged to the outdoor court. You guys are passionate, juniors. The basketball club is in good hands.
February 14th, Valentine’s Day.
Even students busy with exams are restless and excited today.
Both boys and girls are filled with a strange tension, those who receive chocolates are overjoyed, and those who don’t are filled with sorrow. It’s a day that highlights social disparities.
As for me, I’m content because my mom and sister gave me handmade chocolates. I don’t need anything more. I’m humble. What? I’m not pretending. Heartless people might say family doesn’t count, but plenty of people would be happy to receive chocolates from their mom or sister.
I bowed down in gratitude. They’re beautiful, you know. Envious, right?
“Don’t you guys feel sad on Valentine’s Day?”
“I got chocolates from Ishihara-san of the girls’ basketball team.”
“Wha…what?”
Once again, my juniors gather around me. I’m not an instructor.
Are they really planning to stick around until I graduate?
The victorious second-year who reported his success is getting booed and mobbed.
Among them were some first-years. Yep, they admire him. With this level of unity, the basketball club will be fine next year. Let’s just ignore the current state of chaos.
As usual, after school, my juniors are trying to drag me to street basketball. Sadly, I had no plans for after school, as I wasn’t expecting any chocolates at school.
I received some obligatory chocolates from classmates and the girls’ basketball team, but those were more out of courtesy, like a business transaction. No room for misunderstandings in this mass distribution.
While changing my shoes at the entrance, someone called out to me.
Standing in front of me was my childhood friend, Suzurikawa.
“What’s up?”
“Um…”
She hesitated, looking like she wanted to say something but couldn’t. I watched her blankly.
It had been a while since we talked. I hadn’t initiated a conversation with her, and I couldn’t remember the last time Suzurikawa talked to me first.
“Are you heading home now, Yukito?”
“Well, I was planning to make a detour.”
“I see…”
The time we could use after school was limited. Since it wasn’t a club activity, I couldn’t keep the juniors for too long. It got dark early during this season.
If I wanted them to go home before it got dark, we could only be active for about an hour, but they still wanted to play together.
Leaving the club was my decision, my selfishness. If the juniors wanted to play together, I wanted to fulfill that wish for the remaining short period.
“Here, take this.”
“Chocolates, huh…”
Somehow, I had guessed it when Suzurikawa called out to me.
Considering today, it was predictable. She is very conscientious.
“Thank you. I’m happy.”
I gratefully accepted the chocolates. For a moment, Suzurikawa’s face seemed to brighten. But she didn’t look well, which was understandable. After all, she had–
“Suzurikawa, thanks for the chocolate. But let’s make this the last time.”
“Huh?”
She looked stunned, her mouth slightly open.
That was to be expected. We had repeated this ritual every Valentine’s Day, as if it were an obligation. And this year, she gave me chocolates again, like always.
Like a habit, as if it were predetermined. This was a curse.
“You have someone special now, right? You don’t need to give me obligation chocolates anymore.”
“Wha-what are you saying…”
“I don’t want something given out of habit or obligation.”
Suzurikawa had a boyfriend, and that should have been the end of it. Last year, Valentine’s Day had been skipped.
That was the right thing to do. Though she had graduated and become a high schooler, it wouldn’t feel right.
I laughed at the absurdity of us talking only during times like these when we had become so distant.
The obligation chocolates given like this were too impersonal and pathetic.
“What’s the point of Valentine’s Day? Why give chocolates?”
“Yukito…?”
Even though she had a boyfriend, she gave me chocolates every year just because we were childhood friends. To her, this must have been nothing but a troublesome and bothersome task.
Looking at Suzurikawa’s gloomy expression, it was obvious.
If her expression had still been bright like before, I might have had some hope. But Suzurikawa’s face was dark and sullen. She seemed to find it burdensome.
My presence was now nothing but a burden to Suzurikawa.
Chocolate is just a means. The purpose isn’t to give it but to express your feelings. Chocolate is just a substitute for that.
“Every year, I was happy to receive your chocolate. More than anything, I wanted it from you. But I didn’t want it out of obligation.”
“No, that’s not why I gave it…”
“What I wanted was your–“
I swallowed my words. I wasn’t allowed to say anything beyond that. It was nothing but an act of causing trouble.
Pathetic and lingering, even the basketball I threw myself into to forget it all ended in failure when I couldn’t even participate in the final tournament, disappearing unresolved.
Leaving all my feelings behind somewhere.
“Of course, I’ll return the favor on White Day. Don’t worry.”
Naturally, I’d properly return what I received. But this would be the last year.
“Senpai, what’s wrong? Let’s go.”
A junior came to check on me. Perfect timing. I didn’t want to stay here any longer.
“Ah, sorry. I’m coming.”
I put the chocolate in my bag and changed into my loafers. I didn’t look back. Expecting something and being denied, like a fool. Valentine’s Day like that is over.
So, I didn’t notice what kind of face Suzurikawa was making at that moment.
At that time, I couldn’t see her anymore.
“Why… Why does it always end up like this…”
I leaned against the wall, barely able to keep myself from collapsing.
Even after that despicable guy graduated, my situation hadn’t changed. Breaking up didn’t erase the fact that we had dated. His lies didn’t disappear.
Becoming a third-year, with entrance exams approaching, nobody showed interest in me anymore.
It had been a long time since I last spoke to him. I gathered all my courage to call out to Yukito.
Valentine’s Day pushed my timid self forward. Today was such a special day.
Waiting for this day felt like an eternity. While thinking of him, I had waited for this day.
“It wasn’t obligation… It wasn’t…”
I never intended to give chocolates out of obligation. But Yukito naturally thought so.
Every time I gave him chocolates, I always tried to cover my embarrassment by saying, “It’s just obligation,” “Don’t get the wrong idea,” “We’re childhood friends,” “It’s just convenient,” repeating those repulsive lies over and over.
Always full of lies and pretense, never conveying what mattered. What was the misunderstanding? What was obligation? I chose the chocolates carefully, sometimes even made them by hand, hoping he’d be happy.
Yet, I was the one who denied all of that. My clenched fist weakly hit the wall.
Words don’t convey anything if you don’t say them. Unable to be honest, I kept lying. And before I knew it, he was gone from in front of me, leaving only memories.
What had Yukito wanted?
What’s the point of Valentine’s Day? Why give chocolates?
Why didn’t I realize it until now?
What Yukito wanted wasn’t the chocolate.
He wanted my words, my–
“My feelings…”
I denied even the feelings I put into the chocolate. How had he felt receiving chocolate from me all this time? Expecting something, only for me to deny it each time. Even so, he always smiled and said, “Thank you,” “I’m happy.”
When he returned the favor on White Day, he never once said it was just obligation or because we were childhood friends. He always looked straight at me and conveyed his words.
Devaluing the special chocolate I gave him.
How did he feel eating those worthless chocolates devoid of sentiment?
The evening sky was tinged scarlet, like the day he confessed to me.
“Darn it!”
I was in a hurry. “Don’t run in the hallway,” I heard the usual warning, but I hoped they’d let it slide just for today. Of all days, my homeroom teacher delayed me with some unexpected task.
After school, when I headed to Yuki’s classroom, he was already gone. I checked the shoe lockers, but his shoes were gone too. Had he gone home? I hesitated.
I couldn’t contact him because Yuki didn’t have a smartphone.
The weekend started tomorrow. If I didn’t see him now, the next chance would be Monday.
Should I wait? My bag held the chocolate I had carefully chosen after much deliberation. I had never been so serious about choosing chocolate before. I had always watched the Valentine’s Day excitement from a distance, thinking it was unrelated to me.
But now–
“Maybe I’ll try going.”
I knew where Yuki lived. He had shown me once when we walked home together.
But I had never visited. Would it be bothersome to go without notice?
Unable to decide, I found myself walking toward Yuki’s house.
“I’m here…”
Standing in front of the apartment, I hesitated. I had arrived, but now what? I lingered around the entrance for a while, unable to move. Time passed as I stood there.
I thought about leaving the chocolate in the mailbox, but I had things I wanted to say.
Since Yuki came back to school after his hospitalization, we hadn’t talked much.
When explaining things, Yuki hadn’t mentioned my name. I wanted to know why he protected me, why he didn’t mention my name. But asking would negate his efforts, and I lacked the courage.
I took the chocolate from my bag and looked up at his floor. The misunderstanding hadn’t been cleared up yet.
That’s why I came, to confess properly this time.
“Are you Kamishiro?”
“Huh?”
A woman coming out of the building spoke to me.
She had long black hair, skinny jeans, and a short trench coat. A tall beauty.
“The student council president…?”
“When was that?”
She looked at me with half-closed eyes. I recognized her well. Yuki’s older sister. Though she had graduated, she was the student council president last year. Beautiful, cool, smart, and popular with the students. That was my honest impression of her.
“Yuri san.”
“What are you doing here?”
I realized her gaze wasn’t friendly.
A penetrating gaze from her shrewd eyes caught me off guard.
“Um… I wanted to see Yuki, Yukito-kun…”
“He’s not here.”
“Oh, is that so?”
It seems I came for nothing. I’m disappointed. Maybe he’s out somewhere, or perhaps he hasn’t returned yet. With the person I’m looking for not here, there’s no reason for me to stay.
“That… are you planning to give it to him?”
“Huh?”
Yuuri-san’s eyes are fixed on the chocolates in my hand. Holding them so openly makes it obvious. Realizing this, my face instantly turns red.
“Well… if he’s not here, I’ll come back another time!”
I hastily turn to leave. But a cold voice from behind stops me in my tracks.
“Are you going to deceive my brother again?”
“–!”
I turn back to find Yuuri-san right in front of me.
The sharp click of her pumps on the ground, her piercing gaze cuts through me.
“Are you planning to deceive and hurt my brother again? Do you think I’d allow that?”
“What… are you…”
Her eyes held clear hostility.
“Kamishiro-san, I know. What you did. How he got seriously injured because of you.”
“I-I’m sorry! I…!”
I can’t stop shaking. I had misunderstood.
Just because Yuki never mentioned my name at school doesn’t mean he didn’t tell his family. He probably explained honestly how things happened.
Yuki has no reason to lie to his family. He’s not the type to hide things in the first place.
Yuki protected me despite all that. But for his family, that’s unforgivable.
“How far do you intend to make a fool of my brother?”
“That’s not my intention at all–!”
“He was already hurt because of that woman, and you took advantage of that.”
“I was serious! I never meant to deceive him…”
“Then! Then why weren’t you by his side?!”
She moves so close it’s as if she’s about to grab my collar, glaring at me. She knows about the foolish lie I told. I must be an unforgivable existence to Yuuri-san.
“It’s my fault! I lied, and even though he protected me, he didn’t tell anyone. Because of that, he had to quit the club! It’s all me, if I wasn’t around, Yuki could have gone to the tournament!”
My words are a jumbled mess, I don’t even know what I’m saying. Tears overflow, and I just keep repeating words of apology. With the force of her hand, the box of chocolates in my hand gets crushed.
“It’s not you who should be crying. It’s him.”
“I’m… so… sorry…”
As if losing interest, she takes her eyes off me and walks away somewhere.
“He might be at the outdoor court, you know.”
I heard Yuuri-san say just that one thing as she left.
By the time I understood what that meant, I had already started running.
She rushes off. Quite some time has passed already. Even if she goes now, there’s no guarantee my brother will be there. No, he might have already left. He should be coming home soon. Even if that woman goes now, it’s likely to be a wasted trip.
“What an unpleasant woman I am…”
Despite that, the reason I deliberately set up such a potentially futile harassment was because I couldn’t settle down otherwise. I wass tormented by an unbearable self-loathing.
Like looking in a mirror, reflecting my own ugliness, such a mirror.
“The one who hurt him the most was me, after all.”
The words Yuuri uttered to no one in particular disappeared along with her self-mockery.
“He’s not here…?”
The sun had already set. Only streetlights illuminate the darkness.
Yuki was long gone. There’s no way he’d be active until this late in this cold season.
I was late, I didn’t make it in time. I wonder why Yuuri-san told me, or if she anticipated this outcome. Come to think of it, it was unnatural for Yuuri-san, who had shown such hostility towards me, to tell me so straightforwardly. Maybe she knew he was already gone.
I sit down on the bench, feeling drained. Nothing is going right.
Unable to convey even one word I should have said, unable to give even one thing I wanted to give.
Even though we’re so close, I feel an insurmountable distance.
Suddenly, I notice the trash can installed next to the bench. Maybe I should just throw it away now. There’s no way I can give it to him anyway…
“I don’t need this…”
The outer box is crushed and in terrible shape. I don’t even know if the contents are intact. They might be broken. It’s so unsightly, I can’t help but think it’s just like me right now.
As if drawn by an irresistible urge, I stand up to throw it in the trash can.
I have no right to say I like Yuki. The only thing I can do is make amends.
I should only wish to atone for everything I’ve ruined.
–I should throw away these feelings, this love!
“What are you doing here at this hour?”
The voice I had just wanted to hear stopped my hand in its tracks.
“…Yuki? Why? Why are you here…?”
“That’s my line. I was talking with an acquaintance.”
For some reason, Kamishiro Shiori was there. Why?
At this hour, and in her school uniform no less. As always, her actions lack coherence.
“A friend?”
“The other party was a high school older man. Definitely not a friend.”
Indeed, ‘acquaintance’ is probably the more appropriate term. I ran into a group of high school students I sometimes played street basketball with. We hadn’t seen each other since I broke my bone, so they were a bit concerned that I hadn’t shown up on the court at all.
“What are you doing here at this hour? You’ll catch a cold.”
“Oh, yeah. Sorry.”
“It’s awkward when you apologize.”
I buy a hot coffee and tea from the vending machine, sit on the bench, and hand the tea to Kamishiro.
“Did you need something?”
“…I’m sorry.”
“You’re apologizing a lot.”
“No matter how much I apologize, it’s not enough.”
“No one’s asking for that, you know.”
“But, but! Because of me, Yuki…”
This is troublesome. Kamishiro is emotionally unstable. Honestly, for me, who’s experienced with broken bones and gets injured often, it’s not really something to worry about, but Kamishiro herself can’t seem to let it go. However, I don’t have any words I can offer her.
“Today, you know. I was planning to give you this.”
“It’s quite battered, isn’t it?”
“I’m sorry. You don’t want this, right?”
She smiles weakly and tries to throw it in the trash can.
“Were you planning to give someone something you thought was unwanted?”
“No! Today, I got carried away. I forgot what I had done. But you know, I can’t give it to you. I can’t! Because I don’t have the right to say what comes after…”
“Just hand it over.”
“Ah, no!”
I break open the box, and inside are chocolates. It would be more surprising if it was anything else in this situation, but although they’re a bit scattered, there’s no real problem. I open it and put one in my mouth.
It’s just right as a snack to go with this sickeningly sweet coffee.
“Chocolate has fatigue recovery effects too.”
“Yuki…”
“Don’t make that face, Kamishiro. Eat some too. It’ll improve your blood circulation.”
“Mmph.”
I shove one into Kamishiro’s mouth without mercy. By the way, chocolate also has the effect of warming the body.
It’s surprisingly rational that chocolate is given on Valentine’s Day, in the cold of mid-winter. Those who don’t receive any should buy some for themselves (speaking from a position of superiority).
“Well, we’ve eaten the chocolate, so shall we head back?”
“Yuki, why can you be so kind to me?”
“Kind? That’s never been written on my report card.”
“They just don’t have an eye for it.”
I can’t tell what emotions are contained in her words.
What she’s seeking, what words she wants to hear.
I don’t have enough experience points to understand that, having never been deeply involved with people.
So my answers are always wildly off the mark.
“Listen. All the injuries were my own responsibility, Kamishiro didn’t do anything wrong. It’s like a baseball manager. It’s all my fault. That’s all. Come on, let’s go home, exam student.”
We can’t stay here forever. This is the most crucial time.
If she falls ill, it would be no joke. I cut off the conversation and make her stand up.
It’s always me who’s at fault, not anyone else.
If I wasn’t around, Kamishiro wouldn’t have to suffer.
If I wasn’t around, Suzurikawa could date her senior without hesitation.
If I wasn’t around, my sister wouldn’t have done that.
If I wasn’t around, my mom could have thrown herself into work.
So no one should have to worry about anything.
Even though it’s such a simple thing.
“Why do they worry so much?”
There was no one to answer that question.
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