Thanks to Meerkat for helping with the translation
Passing Isolation
I wanted to be strong.
Because I saw Mom crying alone in the living room late at night.
Leaving early for work, coming home late. That kind of life. We could only see each other for a few hours a day.
I couldn’t be selfish and burden her. I just vowed to be strong.
I wanted to protect her. Because I was the only man in this house.
I set an alarm and learned to wake up on my own. I worked hard at cooking and learned how to do it.
Cleaning, doing laundry, before I knew it, I could handle all the housework.
And then, I no longer needed Mom.
I wanted to be strong.
Because I saw my sister crying, and it was my fault.
I depended on her to fill my loneliness. That became a burden, and she lashed out.
I forgave my sister who kept apologizing for hurting me. It wasn’t her fault.
But that made her suffer even more. I was powerless, unable to do anything.
So, I tried not to get close. I kept avoiding her.
Believing that time would solve everything.
To never depend on her again, to never make her feel responsible again.
To be indifferent, to keep an emotional distance.
And then, I no longer needed my sister.
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I wanted to be strong.
To not lose my precious childhood friend. Because her smile always comforted me.
I didn’t want to betray her pure affection. The time we spent together was the most enjoyable.
Laughing innocently, frolicking, unaware of malice. Such an expressive girl.
A friend, a best friend, a childhood friend. — And wishing for more, I lost it all.
She already had someone to protect her. I felt no disappointment or letdown.
I knew for a while that she disliked me. Still wanting her was just my ego.
I understood that I was no longer needed. My childhood friend no longer needed me.
And then, I no longer needed my childhood friend either.
I became strong.
I devoted myself to studies, trained my body, and threw myself into club activities.
I became friends with a classmate. Different gender, but in the same basketball club.
Cheerful and full of sparkling charm.
Before I knew it, we spent a lot of time together. Probably, I didn’t hate that time.
Even when lied to, nothing really changed. Only reality remained.
But the classmate suffered and suddenly met with an accident.
I tried to protect her instinctively — and got badly injured. I was relieved that she was saved.
I covered for her so she wouldn’t be blamed. It was just because I was inexperienced that I got hurt.
From the beginning, I never needed the classmate anyway.
I repeated such encounters over and over again.
There was always someone I shouldn’t need, shedding tears.
I should have become strong.
Not needing anyone, not being needed by anyone, the boy was complete.
Believing that was strength, clinging to that fragile correctness.
— And yet, and yet why do you reach out your hand?
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