Chapter 1: Toudou Tsuyoshi’s Passionate Emotions
The girl who had been crying collapsed on the bench near the shopping center. Tanaka, a girl, wiped the tears from her sleeves.
“Toudou, I’m sorry, I’ll head home first.”
Tanaka went home first. In her unstable state, that was likely the best solution. I was also at my limit. My body was in so much pain it felt like it would break, and my heart felt crushed.
Tanaka had gone home crying, but I didn’t understand the reason for her tears. Seeing her cry, though, made me feel strange. Even though I had reset, my chest still ached.
I didn’t want her to go home alone, even though I shouldn’t have cared.
“Why is this happening? Was the reset incomplete?”
I couldn’t use my high-speed thinking. My brain felt burned. Slow, disorganized thoughts swirled in my mind.
As I sat alone on the bench, my consciousness growing hazy, someone approached. My every pore stood on end, and my unmoving body went into combat readiness.
It was a grown woman and… a dog. I knew them.
“Oh my, you’re in such a state again, just like after the graduation ceremony. You poor thing. Was the reset not complete?”
“…Eri, why are you here?”
“I’m always watching over you, you know. Tanaka-san is such a good girl. She has so much talent, I’d love to scout her.”
A chill ran through my body. The fearful, loyal feelings that had seeped into my body and heart – I had tried to resist them many times. The woman before me was Eri, the adult from my elementary school. I didn’t know her real name; everyone just called her Eri.
We could never defy Eri. That was the common sense and daily reality of our world. The ingrained recognition wouldn’t change, even if I reset and erased my memories.
I wasn’t alone. I should have had connections with some other students. My fragmented memories couldn’t recall, but I was certain.
There was a place where children with powers like mine gathered.
The name “Toudou” held a special meaning at that elementary school.
And I was the only one who could innately use the “reset” ability.
For all the students there, to resist Eri meant sacrificing their lives.
Facing Eri made me acutely aware that I wasn’t a normal person.
My overused reset had left gaps in my mind. Questions would rise and then vanish immediately. I couldn’t even hold onto the questions themselves.
Could I call it a curse? The presence of chains binding my heart was clear. They were engraved into my soul, like a scientific curse.
Still, I had promised Tanaka. A youth starting with a reset. Even if I forgot the memories, erased the recollections, or lost my affections – the feelings etched into my soul would never disappear.
I wanted a normal youth. So…
“Stop, don’t lay a hand on my friend.”
My heart surged. Tanaka was just a stranger to me now. But I wouldn’t allow anyone, not even Eri, to hurt her.
That first spark of resistance towards Eri brought a painful, crushing sensation in my chest. There was no room to block the sensation. No, I didn’t need to block it. The pain was proof that I was alive. I could just endure the agony. But this… this was anguish close to death.
“Oh, how impressive. To defy me even for an instant. Isn’t it painful? You erased her from your memories, you know. Futile as that may be, feel free to forget. If this experiment helps your brain grow, then so be it.”
The dog standing beside Eri was watching me. I dimly recalled – it had been my first friend at the elementary school, a dog that resembled Michiba a bit. The memories were there, but the affection wasn’t.
I stood up from the bench.
“Oh, you can stand up?”
“If you have no business here, then leave. I don’t want to see Eri’s face right now.”
“How cold. Here, drink this and you’ll feel a bit better.”
Eri pulled a bottle of pills from her pocket. I recognized those – the ones I had taken many times after resetting.
They were called tranquilizers, but I knew they were likely something else. My instinct told me not to take them.
“I don’t need them.”
“No, be a good kid and sit on the bench to take them.”
A powerful, threatening presence welled up behind me. Someone was trying to restrain me from behind. My body moved without conscious thought, reacting with uncontrolled force. I threw a backhand strike towards the space behind me.
The backhand sliced through the air.
“…Careful there, Toudou. If I hadn’t been here, you’d be dead.”
A long-haired man stood there. My fist had grazed his cheek, leaving a trail of blood.
I recognized this man. He was in a photo on the shelf in my apartment, hidden behind a photo of Hanazono.
The photograph contained an image of me from my elementary school days, along with some strangers. I’ve been hiding that photograph because looking at it stirs up strange emotions in me. I’ve considered throwing it away, but my hand always stops me.
I know there were other children at my elementary school besides me. I always thought I was all alone, but that was just my perception.
The long-haired man in front of me was present in the photograph. He was a real person. He had an aura that was clearly different from a normal person. If I let my guard down, he could easily overpower me.
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“Please stop the fighting. Shimafuji is just acting as my escort.”
The man called Shimafuji then fell silent. His gaze was focused on my movements. I wouldn’t be able to take him down unless I got serious. Based on his evasive movements earlier, I could tell he had impressive physical abilities. He seemed to have some kind of weapon hidden in his clothes. In that case, I should try to subdue him first–
“Woof! Woof!!”
A dog had started playfully biting at my feet. I didn’t know how to react and felt flustered.
Hesitantly, I placed my hand on the dog’s head. The dog wagged its tail happily.
……My thoughts stabilized. This was not the world I had wanted. Violence wouldn’t solve anything. I had learned that so many times back in middle school.
“Eri, I’m sorry. I don’t need that medicine. ……I want to stay as I am now.”
Eri said nothing, just giving me a faint smile.
“Okay, if that’s how you want to grow. Shimafuji, let’s go.”
“Understood. ……Toudou, let’s meet again.”
Eri, the dog, and Shimafuji then left me where I was sitting.
I let out a breath and sat back down on the bench.
“……Can I really live a normal high school life? I’m a defective guy who’s lost his memories and can’t even understand emotions properly. Am I truly lacking as a human being?”
I reflected on all the memories I had. My life had been full of failures. I didn’t like the idea of self-harm, but in middle school, I had felt like an outsider. I only had Hanazono as a friend, while my classmates ostracized me.
“If I reset everything, it would probably be easier.”
I felt someone’s presence. I recognized this scent.
“You idiot, that’s definitely not a good idea.”
“Hime? (Princess)”
Why was Hime here? I felt like I had met her at the shopping center before, but the details elude me. My perception isn’t working well. The side effect of erasing Tanaka’s memories.
“……I know that you, Toudou, have grown so much compared to before. So don’t be down on yourself.”
“How do you know that about me, when I don’t even understand it myself?”
“Because I’ve actually seen it with my own eyes. I’ve known you since middle school.”
“My middle school self, huh……. That was a horrible time. But even in high school, I haven’t changed.”
“No, that’s not true.”
I could sense some emotion in her denial. But I didn’t understand it. Hime and I were just classmates, which I had only recently realized, having thought of her as a complete stranger before.
“You’re different from Hanazono. You weren’t always around me, yet you know things. Why is that?”
“Aw geez, there you go bringing up Hanazono again. Haha, I really can’t win, can I? ……You may have forgotten, but I know. And that’s fine, right?”
“Hime? (Princess)”
“Ugh, stop calling me Hime! I’m Hiratsuka Sumire. Call me Sumire, okay?”
“Um, Hiratsu- no, Sumire. What do you know about me?”
“Huh? Why are you still using my last name? Geez.”
“First name basis…. embarassing…”
A moment of silence.
Hime- no, Sumire, laughed out loud.
“Ahaha, Toudou, you’re really such a funny guy. Hey, you know, the school I go to is actually pretty close to yours. How about we hang out in Shinjuku sometime?”
“Uh, no, going out with an unfamiliar girl is…”
“Huh? Unfamiliar? You definitely know me! I’m not asking you on a date or anything, geez!”
“I think Hiratsu- Sumire disliked me back in middle school.”
“Ah, that… Um, sorry about that. Anyway, I should get going now. You can move around okay, right?”
I checked the state of my body. The pain had subsided significantly. I was likely recovered enough to move. The internal pain and bleeding were more like illusions than actual physical damage. My brain had simply perceived it that way, but the pain was real. An ordinary person would have died from such agony.
The aftermath of defying Eri was worse than crossing the reset limit.
As Hiratsuka Sumire was leaving, she suddenly said something as if remembering something.
“……There are times when you can really, really come to like someone, even if it’s just for a single day or a few hours.”
“What do you mean?”
“Hehe, I’m sure you’re a great guy, Toudou! After all, you have important friends like Hanazono and Tanaka-san!”
Hiratsuka smiled at me and then left.
I was completely confused and didn’t understand what was going on. In any case, Hiratsuka and I were just former classmates from middle school, and we had just randomly run into each other again recently.
It seems Hiratsuka has experienced love before.
… Even the difference between love and like is something I don’t understand. To like someone, to have affection for them. What’s the point if you can just erase it all?
But I did understand that Hiratsuka is a good person.
“Hiratsuka, I don’t really understand, but thank you.”
I called out to Hiratsuka’s back, but they kept walking without looking back. They probably didn’t hear me. Their shoulders seemed to be shaking a bit, but it was probably just my imagination.
The turmoil in my heart that had threatened to pull me from my normal life had settled down.
I got up from the bench and, dragging my numb leg, made my way towards the subway.
My phone was vibrating.
[Reply, you idiot!!]
A message from Hanazono. Her usual stern wording, but I felt relieved.
–I have a lot of problems to deal with. First, I need to recover the memories of that girl, Tanaka.
She’s probably too kind-hearted.
I can’t make her sad, my body remembers that much at least.
I can’t let anyone find out I’ve lost my memories. It would be so lonely to be forgotten by others. My chest still aches at the thought. What is this?
I can’t even talk to Hanazono about this. …She would be saddened too.
I have a notebook at home where I’ve been recording my actions. I’ll use that to gather information and understand my relationship with Tanaka.
This is my responsibility alone. But what should I say to Hanazono?
I stared at my phone as I walked. Time was just slipping away. The right words wouldn’t come to me, making me anxious.
Even on the train, nothing came to mind. At the station, in front of my apartment… Ah–
TLNOTE : Hime fans rejoice!! you guys will be very happy with this volume!
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