Episode 20 [Everything Accelerates]
Around thirty minutes had passed. I drank too much juice. After telling Tanaka, I head to the bathroom. The interior of the karaoke box was filled with young people. They must all be enjoying singing.
I didn’t realize there was such entertainment. Of course I knew it intellectually.
Come to think of it, why didn’t I go to karaoke with Hanazono who I was together with for four years? I knew she listened to trendy songs. I was never invited. If I invite her to go with the three of us next time, I wonder if she would come. …It’ll definitely be fine.
When I came out of the bathroom, my heart jumped. At the same time, my head sobered up. I could tell even from far away. The atmosphere in the room with me and Tanaka had changed.
“Are you alright, sir? Did you drink too much? Um… scary…”
The clerk called out worriedly to me just standing still motionless.
“It’s fine…”
“Ah, ye, yeah? Huh, why am I sitting…? Crap… my legs gave out…”
I consciously suppressed my heart rate and hurried back to the room.
On the other side of the door, there were three presences. Tanaka and two others. Not robbers. Not thieves. I don’t sense any violence yet. I concentrated all my nerves and quietly opened the door.
Inside were two men talking to Tanaka. Tanaka had a displeased expression.
I only recognized one person. The college student from my part-time job, Murakami. I don’t know the other man. Murakami notices me.
“Oh, so you’re with Toudou after all! Who knew we’d be at the same karaoke! Man, Toudou turns me down when I invite him to hang out~.”
“Um… I’m out with Toudou today so please leave.”
“Geez Tanaka you’re cold~. But that’s what I like about you. Let’s join up!”
Tanaka’s eyes met mine and she smiled at me.
“Ah, Toudou, come here. Some annoying people are bothering me.”
I approach Tanaka. Tanaka stands up and takes my hand. I can feel her body trembling.
Murakami and the unknown man also stand up, blocking the door. It seems they don’t intend to let Tanaka escape.
“Hey, Haru, do me a favor as your ex. Drink with Murakami senpai and me. I’ll keep you company too. And really, I didn’t think you’d dump me after three days. Why did you dump me?”
The frivolous-looking man looked at me.
“Ah, you must be the new pet. Haru would get a new boyfriend but break up right away in middle school. You’ll be dumped soon too. Because Haru is cute so she gets boyfriends easily.”
“Don’t lie! Stop it, it has nothing to do with Toudou!!”
“Hah? Toudou just has to leave. Hey, if you don’t get out I’ll punch you? This isn’t my part-time job so the manager isn’t here. I do mixed martial arts you know?”
I felt like my capacity to process information was about to be exceeded. At the same time, the calm part of my mind didn’t miss the men’s movements.
Tanaka was a wonderful woman. Anyone would be lucky to date her. It wouldn’t be strange if she had an ex-boyfriend.
I understood that, but for some reason I couldn’t stop the pain in my chest, the bitterness, and the nausea.
I was frustrated with myself for not knowing the Tanaka of the past. I was ashamed that our date was ruined while I went to the bathroom. I was pathetic for not being able to talk back. Love was difficult for me since I had no experience.
Was I just being made fun of when going on dates with Tanaka?
Would I be laughed at later? To Tanaka, was I just a convenient man?
Will Tanaka dump me? Just thinking about that–my chest hurt sharply.
Resetting would make it better–
logically that was not wrong.
Killing my feelings cultivated with Tanaka would make the suffering go away there.
But that was wrong. I was not the me from before. I couldn’t move forward like that.
Plus, Tanaka was not that kind of girl.
I spoke to Tanaka while suppressing the pain in my chest, the anguish, and the surging jealousy in my heart.
“Tanaka, it’s alright. I believe your words–“
That was all I could manage to say.
Tanaka tightly gripped my hand. Murakami started shadowboxing in front of me.
The frivolous man had a relaxed smile.
“Haru. If you don’t want him getting hurt, don’t be with him. Murakami doesn’t get jokes.”
“Haha, I’m better at fights than matches!”
“Fu, don’t mess around! And if you do anything to Toudou I definitely won’t forgive you!”
“Can’t be helped. Murakami, teach him to fear adults.”
“Oh, I’ll play with him.”
Murakami lowered his hips and charged at me to grab me.
Everything seemed to move in slow motion. Only Tanaka’s sad face was seared into my mind. I gently let go of Tanaka’s hand.
This was the second time I’ve felt an incomprehensible emotion.
I see, if I don’t reset, my emotions explode–
Even so, Tanaka’s scent nearby kept my rationality intact.
I didn’t want to make loud noises. I know girls don’t like that. This wasn’t my first time in this kind of situation. At Hanazono I was confused and didn’t know how hard to go. Murakami’s movements were slow. In exchange, his weight was probably considerable.
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I gently gripped Murakami’s fist so as not to crush it.
“O-Oi, let, let go of my hand–“
Murakami’s fist was as soft as a child’s. What exactly was this college student? He must threaten people in ways other than violence. Many of the university students I’ve met are more intelligent.
Murakami couldn’t move. It would be simple to crush his fist. But violence was no good.
“I-It hurts!”
When Murakami tried to move I strengthened my grip just a little. I removed one hand and firmly flicked next to Murakami’s ear. The sound pressure created a shock.
“Uwah…”
Murakami limply collapsed to the floor. His eyes couldn’t focus. I adjusted his consciousness to barely still be there.
The frivolous man looked at me bewildered.
“Wha, no way right? That’s, that’s impossible…”
“I’m very angry right now. Can you quietly go home?”
“Sh-Shut up! Acting all high and mighty even though you’re younger–“
I wonder if age matters at a time like this. I picked up Murakami’s smartphone that had fallen to the floor.
And then, I firmly gripped the smartphone and crushed it.
“Huh?”
The frivolous man looked between me and the smartphone over and over.
When something unexpected happens, humans become confused.
I exuded a level of intimidation that even normal people could feel.
He must have felt the air grow even heavier. Stiffness of the body, shaking legs, amount of sweat, shallowness of breath – I could tell the state of my target from those. If I psychologically cornered him here and destroyed his spirit, anxiety would disappear.
If I let him go while still conflicted, there was a risk of being attacked. Luckily this was an enclosed room. I’d instill fear before releasing him. There’s no need to feel sorry for them.
“I won’t let it stand. Get out of here, yo, you freak.”
“Haa…haa…”
Fear stiffened his body. That’s right, this was a different fear than what I felt at Michiba. Just being in this space made it feel impossible to live.
I didn’t take my eyes off of the two of them. I consciously lifted the corners of my mouth.
To you two it probably looks like I’m smiling. Can you feel the abnormality from that?
That’s right, you two from here on will–
“Eek, eek! Seriously so persistent! Don’t even show your face. Your gaze is gross! Eek, eek! Anyway who the heck are you? I don’t even know your name, I don’t remember you at all! Why are you randomly acting like you’re my ex? Everyone’s always like that, acting like we’re dating when we haven’t even talked or anything! I don’t get it at all! If you’re going to bully Toudou I’ll be your opponent!”
Tanaka, who should have been behind me, came forward swinging her bag. It was a rather adorable attack.
Surprised by the sudden event, I came to my senses.
She lightly knocked on Murakami and the frivolous guy’s heads with my fist. The metal fittings probably made it painful.
“There, there~~, okay Toudou, pull yourself together and come out!”
Tanaka smiled only at me.
I couldn’t move my own face well. I wonder what kind of expression I should make at a time like this? Hanazono, I don’t understand… our date is ruined…
“Tanaka, let’s go.”
Instead, I took Tanaka’s hand and headed towards the checkout.
Even after leaving the karaoke bar, I was still holding Tanaka’s hand.
I should be feeling gentle, feeling happy, so why did I also feel anguished?
Even so, the hand I was holding–encouraged my heart that felt like crying.
I started walking faster. I repeated the same words in my head.
–Believe in Tanaka. Believe in Tanaka.
“Um, Toudou, wait–“
At some point, Tanaka had started jogging while being pulled along by me.
“S-Sorry.”
I stopped walking. I let go of the hand I was holding. I felt like I had let go of something important.
“Hey, let’s walk slowly? We still have time right?”
“Oh, right.”
“Toudou… You ended up hating me after all huh. Asking weird stuff and all.”
“There’s no way that could happen.”
I just couldn’t get any words out. I didn’t know what kind of face to talk to Tanaka with.
Unknown emotions assaulted me.
Before I could open my mouth, Tanaka said in a tone resembling resignation.
“As I thought, Hanazono suits Toudou huh.”
“Why did Hanazono’s name come up? Tanaka, I–“
“No, someone as pure and wonderful as Toudou is too good for me.”
An unpleasant feeling simmered in my chest area.
Saying that, Tanaka took a step away from me. I felt an invisible wall. What was this?
“Hey, wait a minute. I want you to listen before you go home.”
Tanaka pointed to the rest area sofa across from the cafe. There were places to sit set up in various spots in the shopping center. You often see families and couples sitting there.
We sat on the sofa.
Silence flowed.
Normally the silence when I was with Tanaka wasn’t awkward. But this silence made me feel uneasy. What was making me uneasy? What did I want to ask? What did I dislike?
The distance felt farther than normal. Just a difference of a few centimeters but it felt very far.
That further disturbed my heart. Tanaka started talking in a tone that sounded like resignation.
“I’ve had trouble socializing since long ago. I didn’t understand personal distance. It was fine when I was a kid. But, you know, when I became a teenager, when I hit puberty, you know, I seemed to have given you the wrong idea. …… “
“You mean, romantic misunderstandings, right?”
“Yeah, that’s right.”
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