“More importantly, I thought I heard some nonsense about stopping Brain Seeker from you… Surely you don’t mean that seriously.”
Uu…nghh… Just his glare makes my knees shake.
“I’m serious. That medicine won’t benefit Awayuki.”
But I clearly told head teacher Kongouji so while staring back into his eyes.
“Spouting idiocies just to make a fool of yourself is one thing, but trying to foolishly disturb order is another… As expected, your existence is unnecessary for this academy.”
The head teacher continued, not even trying to hide his overflowing anger.
“This is also a prime promotion opportunity for Brain Seeker. Something on this level won’t be stopped so readily. If word gets out that the famous Brain Seeker resolved that gifted Awayuki Tera’s troubles, it’ll be global news.”
“Promotion…? You’d…for something so trivial…”
“……Trivial?”
head teacher Kongouji’s voice changed to one resonating as if from the depths of the earth.
“Listen up, boy. Do you think the comfortable environment you enjoy─clean school buildings with AC, abundant facilities like the latest PCs and club gear, special classes taught by top experts in every field─can be covered by tuition alone? It’s our job to provide an environment where students can focus on developing their talents. A brat who doesn’t know the first thing about management has no business complaining.”
“Uu…”
“Not only that… Seems I’m being misunderstood, but I repeatedly stressed safety first to Brain Seeker when requesting they develop this. And you think I’m the kind of man who’d endanger students for money!? Are you kidding me!?”
He’s gone full yakuza…
But my intuition tells me─I can’t back down here.
“If you won’t listen to reason then I’ll go on stage directly and─ ugah!?”
I was suddenly locked in a vise-like hold from behind.
“Don’t try anything unnecessary.”
“L-Let me go, head teacher!”
“Oh, just to be clear, this isn’t corporal punishment. It’s educational guidance for a student being uncooperative with an official school event.”
“Gu…rrrrrrrr!”
No good… He’s way too strong, I can’t struggle properly!
Meanwhile, on stage─
“Now, Research Director Shiwaoi will hand the capsule to Awayuki-san. A talented girl solving her problems with the power of a global corporation… This may be a historic moment, as the director said!”
Crap… Awayuki!
Dammit…! I have to get on that stage no matter what─!
[Choose ]
1 Escape the head teacher with the momentum of force of a fart rocket
or
2 Fart uncontrollably, leading to an accidental bowel movement
“We’re in a dead serious scene, goddammit!”
Besides, what the hell’s a fart rocket!?
The meaning of 1 is lost on me… Meanwhile somehow I understand option 2, but please don’t make explain further
Damn it…
Reluctantly, I chose option 1…
And at that moment—
BRAAAAAP………
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“Uwaaaaaaaaah!”
With a sudden sense of weightlessness, my body slipped through the head teacher’s arms and was thrown into the air.
“I-I’m falling!”
Then, tracing a parabolic arc, I started to descend—
“Now, pay attention, as Awayuki-san is about to put the capsule into her mouth—”
Splat!
I crash-landed on the stage.
“Huh?” “What?” “What just happened?”
Amidst the sea of question marks in the audience, I lay on my stomach, twitching uncontrollably.
“…Daikyō-kun?”
“A-Awayuki…”
Ouch… I can’t believe I was launched all the way here like this…
“What on earth happened here? I-It looked like someone just fell from the sky to me, but…”
Yes, a person suddenly fell from the sky. The propulsion was a fart, but whatever.
I shakily stand up… Luckily, doesn’t seem I was seriously injured.
“Ah… In all the confusion, I momentarily forgot, but what about the medicine? …Awayuki-san, were you able to take the medicine properly?”
“No… It probably went into Ootomo-kun’s mouth as he was shouting and falling…”
“Huh? No wonder my mouth feels kinda weird─”
Gulp
“Oh………………………………………………………………I swallowed it.”
The next moment─
“Hm?”
Turbulent emotions overflowed as if a dam burst, and
“Uu…uuu…sob…hic…ah…uuu…uwaaaaaaah!”
I laid on my back, flailing about bawling like a baby.
(((((What the…this guy… oh no.)))))
The crowd’s thoughts probably synchronized something like that, then─
“Whaaaaaaat did you doooooooooo!”
The Emcee’s agonized voice roared.
“Waaaaah…sob…”
“We’re the ones who wanna cry here! Or rather, the school! This must’ve been a huge project requiring massive funding and time…!”
Well, with something like that said, head teacher Kongouji will surely be furious─
” ” ” ” ” ………… ” ” ” ” ”
Glancing at the tent below the stage, the demon head teacher was sleeping peacefully with the executive committee members. Thank goodness… Looks like they fainted from the fart rocket’s awful smell… No wait, nothing good about that!
What do I do… What do I do!?
Suddenly barging in and ruining a global corporation’s research results… We’re way past just standing out!
As I wiped the tears welling in my eyes, I gingerly stood up.
“Just who are… Huh, Ootomo Youta!?”
“Huh? Why do you know my name?”
“Wh-Why wouldn’t I know the name of the super problem child who picked a fight with [Houjou] right after enrolling!? I don’t know the details, but word even has it you somehow neatly wrapped up the situation with some perverted method!”
“Oh yeah, I’ve heard that rumor before.”
“Him?”
“But he looks pretty normal, doesn’t he?”
“Idiot, the really dangerous guys don’t look sketchy.”
“I hear he wears his mom’s panties to school and stuff.”
Let’s not dig that back up!
No no no, this is bad! Bad bad bad! If a rumor like this was circulating the whole school, there’s no way I could keep living normally… I have to explain somehow!
“C-Could I use the mic?
“Ah, yes…”
Senior Kurosu reluctantly fitted a lapel mic on me… Alright, this is the moment of truth!
“Everyone, I’m Ootomo Yota from Year 2, Class 1. A number of… coincidences have led me here, but this isn’t my intention. Ah, before that, let me first explain. It seems some baseless rumors have spread about me wearing my mother’s underwear, but the truth is─”
【Choose 】
1 Shout your mother’s name while posing in a Y shape
2 Shout your father’s name while posing legs spread in an M shape
“Ootomo Sota!”
Th-Thank goodness… If it was his stage name Hoshi Toru it’d be found out instantly, but his real name should be fine.
“Um, Oootmo-kun… Who’s this Ootomo Sota?”
“Ah, my dad.”
“So in other words… To appeal that it’s not your mother’s but your father’s underwear you wear, you shouted his name while spreading your legs in an M shape?”
Nothing was resolved and there’s only more problems!
“N-No! My actions just now were unrelated, I simply had a spontaneous urge to shout my dad’s name while posing legs spread in an M for some reason!”
That just makes me sound like a freak too!
No…the more I talk, the deeper I dig my grave…
“Ahem… Well, let’s pretend we didn’t see that just now… Ootomo-kun, why exactly did you make this outrageous disruption?”
“Ah, well, about that…”
I should just brush it off and get off the stage here.
【Choose 】
1 Do a “Sexy Fish” one-liner gag
2 Do a “Sexy Fish Holding an Erotic Cat” one-liner gag
Even Sazae-san would stop following you for that!
Damn… This crap choice mechanic, every single time… Dammit!
…I laid down on the stage floor and arched my upper body back.
“Twitch twitch twitch! I’m a twitchy fish! A bitchy fish! Twitch twitch twitch! Twitchy bitch!”
” ” ” ” ” …………………………… ” ” ” ” ”
Silence engulfed the crowd.
“Um… Ootomo-kun…err…well…”
Even the pro Emcee was at a loss for words after the sudden one-liner. Amidst that─
“C’mon man, that’s going too far.”
“Yeah, simply unpleasant.”
“Poor Awayuki…”
“Disrespectful to everyone seriously participating so far too.”
“Cut it out! Get lost!”
“Yeah, yeah!”
“Go home, Ootomo!”
Boos targeting me were leaking from the crowd.
Certainly from an outsider’s perspective, it would look like I’m making a fool of Awayuki, Brain Seeker, and everyone here.
Amidst the headwind blowing against me─
[Choose ]
1 Make a very lame joke about Otter
2 Act like a dissatisfied wife complaining about her husband’s sexual fetishes】
I can do it!
Oh, damn it, this crap choice mechanic… Dammit!
…I crawled on the stage floor and arched just my upper body back.
“Alright, here’s a gag! [An Otter Awakened to Geography]─Aooouuu! Aouuu… Aouuu! Aou, ou, Ou Mountains!”
” ” ” ” ” ………………………… ” ” ” ”
Right after the hellish silence─
“Hey now, this is going too far.”
“Yeah, simply unpleasant.”
“Poor Awayuki…”
“Disrespectful to everyone seriously participating so far too.”
“Cut it out! Get lost!”
“Yeah, yeah!”
“Go home, Ootomo!”
“P-Please calm down, everyone! A-And Oootmo-kunkun, stop making these incomprehensible actions! Ahh, no good! Don’t…don’t throw things!”
Senior Kurosu desperately tried to placate the crowd, but the wave of boos didn’t stop.
An-Any more would be seriously bad… Please, just don’t come out anymore─
【Choose 】
1 A crow’s beak stabs into your butt
2 Say a pun using the hototogisu topic
No blood or tears to spare! And 1 is a complete reuse! If you’re out of material don’t force yourself out!
But now that I’ve appeared…I have no choice but to do it.
“I’m a hototogisu…a female hototogisu! Husband and wife fighting makes an otto and gisugisu! Tohoho then gesu!”
T/N: sorry for butchering the joke
” ” ” ” ” …………… ” ” ” ” ”
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