I am no hero of the shadows! Volume 1 Chapter 1 part 2

Paying no mind to Kahlua’s cryptic reaction, Phil lies down on the bed again looking gloomy.

“None of that, get up. Breakfast preparations should be just about ready too.”

“But isn’t it obvious nothing could be more depressing now? I wish yesterday were just a dream…instead just pitiless cruel reality comes to make a honest boy cry.”

Speaking of yesterday, his identity as the [Hero of Shadows] had been exposed.

Afraid to go outside after that happened, Phil was greeted by the second day still unresolved.

“….How is everyone?”

“Nothing changed.”

“I see! Everyone’s the same as usual! After all yesterday must’ve been a dream and now everyone’s cheerfully reveling in their normal days—!”

“Everyone’s the same as yesterday.”

“….It wouldn’t have hurt to let me dream a little.”

Phil gets up and cautiously opens the window.

Then comes drifting in “[Hero of Shadows]-sama is awake!”, “Kyaa! Look this way~!” and such —

“….I’m gonna hole myself up.”

—So he quietly closed the window again.

“….I bet if I sleep again, Miss Privacy’ll come back to me.”

“Miss Privacy is away on a business trip.”

“I want her to come baaack…!”

Phil covers his face with both hands, letting out lonely sobs.

Good lord, so popular to cause a commotion before it’s even morning. What a [damn eyesore] I am as the [Hero of Shadows], he complains about himself.

“But why’re you so against it in the first place? You should just wave gallantly. They’re just making noise and are harmless anyway.”

“Oh yeah? Then are you saying I should wave merrily like in a parade with a big smile when I go to the brothel too? It’s unheard of, an entourage seeing me off as I head to a brothel!”

“Then stop going to brothels.”

“Then where the hell am I supposed to vent all this excessive libido!?”

“Isn’t the wall good enough?”

“Hey…what’s the point in discouraging your master?”

“Wouldn’t know.”

Kahlua puffs up her cheeks looking away. Why did she make such a face? It was mystifying to Phil, but he heaved a big resigned sigh.

“Ah well… it can’t be helped. More importantly…”

“What will you do?”

“Of course, bluff with all my might! I can just say ‘I had a similar mask just as a fan!’ about the one I had, that should somehow work!”

“I-if you can gloss it over then good.”

Kahlua walks behind Phil as he gets up to head out the room.

“You’re cold, Kahlua?”

“Because I know they won’t believe you anyway.”

“Hah! Don’t look down on my survival techniques! I’m still supremely debauched nobility who’s evaded annoying crap despite being the heir to a Count house!”

Indeed he had lived freely and recklessly thus far.

Without being bound by obligations as a noble or derailing as a wretched son. But still—

“Yet you go save someone again anyway…right?”

Ultimately, no matter how much he glosses over it, he’ll still become the [Hero of Shadows]. No matter how much he claims to just be a fan, factors he can’t gloss over will only increase from now on so nothing will change.

“I’ll do my best to maneuver without being found out as usual…”

“Then make sure to hold back on the alcohol from now on.”

Faced with his unusually stern maid, the master heaved yet another deep sigh.

The Salemabart Territory lies southwest of the royal capital at the center of the Lilac Kingdom.

Surrounded by mountains, the peaceful countryside grew abundant vegetables and grains, which were transported to supply other areas for economic circulation. Despite being considered the countryside, the central town in the territory was moderately prosperous and still showed signs of life.

The Salemabart Count’s mansion, where Phil lives, was built in this central city and boasts a large fountain and a garden large enough for the large mansion. I suppose even with the fallen son called Trash living there, one would expect an Count’s family to have at least this much.

Inside the mansion, Phil walks down the long hallway leading to the dining room with the maid, Kahlua.

“Well, it looks like I’m locked in here for good, so why don’t we just work hard today?”

“Oh dear, isn’t it rare for you to work? Shall I make you a special handmade black tea? Maybe with a massage kit too? How about that?”

“Hey, I’m actually the one who works for this area, right? It’s not that rare… although I do want that massage and lap pillow combo!”

“Yeah, yeah.”

Despite being called lazy, trash and a playboy, he is still a noble in the end.

With his parents gone, the work of running the territory has basically fallen to Phil.

He wants to neglect it and visit the brothels, but if he leaves things alone, the territory won’t function.

So it is rare for him to work voluntarily – or, more accurately, to take the initiative.

Hesitation creeps in when he brazenly waves his arms and visits brothels under the watchful eyes of the surrounding citizens.

“No matter how often you visit brothels, you still miss my lap. Hmph, you’re not being honest with yourself.”

“I feel like you just made an almost sexual harassment-like comment… so why are you happy about it?”

“Oh? How about studying a bit?”

“What subject?”

“[Maiden’s Heart]”


The increasingly perplexed Phil simply shrugs at the delighted maid beside him, while playfully poking her puffy cheeks like marshmallows. Annoyed, Kahlua stomps his heel sharply, causing Phil to yelp and hop around in pain, clutching his foot.

“Ow ow ow ow!!!”

At that moment–

“Well, well, I thought I smelled rubbish, but it’s dear brother!”

An instant insult.

Looking forward, Phil sees an obese youth walking slowly towards them.

Beside him, several maids, dressed similarly to Kahlua, surround him like an entourage. The way they walked seemed somehow aristocratic, and Phil struggled to find the right expression.

“Oh dear, I thought I heard pigs squealing, but it’s my brother!”

“Hey, Phil…”


As Phil tries to reply, the boy’s face turns bright red as he grits his teeth.


Scene transition


Seeing this, Kahlua presses her palm to her forehead. As a maid who probably needs headache medicine again today.

—Zan Salemabart.

The second son of the Count of Salemabart House, one year younger than Phil. Unlike Phil, he has cultivated a magnificent belly and, unlike Phil, is known for his overbearing attitude.

By the way, like Phil… his public reputation is also extremely bad.

“Hmph, oh well…say brother, don’t you think it’s been noisy outside lately?”

“I think so…maybe some wandering bard has composed a new poem or something.”

“They should know some tact! Isn’t that right, brother?”

“Oh? So, it’s true that the citizens are making a fuss?”

“Well, that’s obvious!”

Zan looked at Phil with a mocking expression and spoke.

“That playboy and useless older brother is the ‘Hero of Shadows’? Hah! I wish he’d keep his sleep talking to himself! No talent, can’t do any work, not blessed in martial skills… Why do you think there’s any heroic element in such a person!”

Quite a provocative statement.

Even though he was supposed to be his own brother, it was quite a harsh way of speaking.

The maids around didn’t try to stop him. Perhaps they thought it was true that it would be impolite to admonish him, or maybe they were afraid of rebelling against Zan.

And the man himself───

“(He knows me well, doesn’t he, this little brother! My favorability towards him has risen for the first time in a while! Specifically, it’s at the level where I’d give away all my assets except for the money to play in the brothel!)”

“(You don’t get it because you’re saying it. Besides, it’s all Phil doing the work even though he claims he can’t.)”.

“(Aren’t you angry about this, Ms Kahlua?)”

“(Of course I’m angry, normally.)”

Noticing Kahlua’s irritation, Phil goes to see her.

Her puffy cheeks indicate her displeasure, but Phil just playfully pokes and squeezes them like marshmallows without investigating further.

Annoyed, Kahlua stomps his heel sharply again, causing Phil to yelp and jump around painfully once more.

“(Even with a brother like that and me… A noble family with no proper heirs is a good example of household ruin, you know?)”

“(Then Phil should be more reliable himself. I know you can do it because I’ve seen you work before)”

“(Tell me Mrs Kahlua, where do you stand? Are you the mother figure?)”

A dirty older brother and a rude junior with no tact.

Sure, you can’t blame them for worrying about the future.

But if…Phil’s identity as the [Hero of Shadows] was recognised, maybe the impressions would be different.

“(And even if he didn’t try to hide it and was openly proud of it…)”

Kahlua glanced at the faces of the maids waiting nearby.

Doubt, surprise and a hint of expectation and respect floated across each of their faces.

Until now, the playboy Phil had never elicited such expressions from the maids.

Kahlua thought it was because Phil’s true identity had been revealed.

“And you should hurry up and become mine, Kahlua!”

In the midst of her thoughts, Zan suddenly says something outrageous.

“That’s not going to happen, don’t make me repeat myself.”

“You’re just a maid, watch your tone!”

“My master is only this guy. I’ve chosen whom to respect and serve.”

“Ouch, ouch, Kahlua, don’t pull my ear.”

As if asserting her position, Kahlua pinched Phil’s ear beside her.

Caught up in it, Phil could only utter, “It hurts.”

“Besides, even though I willingly work as a maid… you haven’t forgotten that, position-wise, you’re the guest, have you?”

“Shut up! Even if that’s the case, it won’t change the fact that you’re a maid!”


At Zan’s words, Kahlua lets out a huge sigh.

Without hiding her disgust, this reaction confirms that she does not see herself as a typical maid at all.

But that’s fine.

The fact that no one but Zan criticises Kahlua’s attitude as the newest member of the staff says it all.

“I’m telling you, become mine! Serving a useless man like him is pointless! You’ll be much better off with me!”

Twitch. Kahlua’s eyebrows move.

Noticing something at that moment, Phil takes some distance from Kahlua and crouches down slightly.

“If you become mine, I promise you better treatment than normal people could…!”

The moment Zan says this–

Kahlua’s leg moves swiftly, grabbing Zan’s jaw as if on cue. With a dull thud, she swings it up without hesitation.

The speed of the swing was so fast that leaves Zan no chance to resist.


Taking the kick straight on, Zan’s body recoils violently before crashing stiffly onto his back.

—-And here’s the problem.

Kahlua wears the same maid’s uniform as the other maids.

The length of her skirt is just above her knees, matched by the white socks and garter belts that reach to her waist, confidently showing off her smooth skin as absolute territory (ZR: Zettai ryōiki).

This absolute territory (ZR) exists because, standing or crouching, she is in a state of [apparently visible but not].

But kicking up to kick Zan’s jaw requires lifting her leg, so…!!!

“Oh, pink…”


“M-My eyesssss, my eyeeeeesssss…”

Having just crouched down to see the Holy Land, divine punishment rains down on Phil’s eyes.

Despite having just kicked Zan, Kahlua immediately turns to attack Phil next, leaving Phil with no choice but to admire the maid’s physical prowess.

“Oh right…”

As if remembering something, Kahlua addresses the stunned Phil.

She doesn’t even glance at Zan, who is twitching motionlessly, her posture clearly conveying her feelings towards him.

And then…

“I heard the saintess is coming to see you tomorrow morning, addressed to Phil.”

“You should have mentioned that before, but first could you please take care of my eyes…!”

And so a bomb is nonchalantly dropped.

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