The Girls Who Traumatized Me Volume 4 Chapter 4

Chapter 4: “Love That Never Starts, Never Ends”
 

“Sorry to have kept you waiting.”
 
“No, I just got here too. It’s been a while since I met with Kuon-san.”
 
“Thanks for putting up with me. There’s something I definitely wanted to talk about.”
 
Two days had passed since returning from my solo trip. I’m meeting up with my niece at a private room in a cafe.
 
I chose a private room because there’s something I want to talk about without worrying about others around us listening in.
 
“This is an omiyage from my recent trip. I tried some myself too and it was delicious.”
 
“I see. Thanks. I’ll give some to everyone else too.”
 
We casually place our orders. Some moderate dishes and drinks to have with our meal as we take a breather at lunchtime.
 
“You went to a hot spring again right?”
 
“That’s right. The hot spring itself was supreme but…”
 
“There’s something you wanted to ask me right? Can’t say there’s much I can answer but…”
 
I’m usually quite close with my niece and we talk a lot. We message each other frequently too. Despite the age difference, my niece is a very good listener. She looks up to me and helps me feel cheery. While there are things I’m curious about, more than anything I wanted her to listen to me vent.
 
I definitely can’t tell stories like this to the girls at the office. Only someone I’m quite close with, like my good friends from school or my niece for instance. Because we’re family I can shamelessly bare it all.
 
Chatting about the souvenirs, I talk about my disgraceful blunders.
 
I had to do this much before I could settle down. Anyway, the more I recall it the more I’m struck by how utterly different from my usual self I was, my conduct full of foolish behavior throughout.
 
If you listen to his side of the story, all I did was expose an utterly repulsive spectacle, then, on my own misunderstanding, approach him accusingly and, with suspicious eyes, destroy his smartphone.
 
Facts alone are enough to make me dizzy.
 
He had gone through the trouble of carrying my collapsed drunk self all the way to my room. While I can only be grateful, he bears no blame whatsoever. Initially what I had been apprehensive about, not one bit of that sort of thing occurred. Of course that’s how it’d be.
 
On a family trip staying at a hot spring, there’s no way he’d bring a woman to his room.
 
Yet in every aspect I was the worst. He must only feel disgust for me now.
 
In fact, the gaze his sister directed my way was extremely stern and strict, perfectly reasonable. My true Identity I had wanted to hide was laid bare too.
 
I’m sure they find me detestable, and even if I’m written as scum online there’d be no refuting it.
 
I will compensate for the smartphone I broke but that’s only natural, if anything legally I could be sued for not doing at least that much. It’s the minimum necessity.
 
Separate from that I had to wholeheartedly apologize properly before my feelings could settle. I intend to formally apologize again on another day. Whatever is said to me then, I’ll have no choice but to meekly accept it all.
 
If after this I cause him to lose that kindness he possesses, I won’t even be able to show my face. Those who can be inspired to selflessly assist others are truly precious people.
 
Being in this line of work, seeing the ugly side of humans unavoidably becomes part of everyday life.
 
Because of that at some point, I had turned into such a suspicious person unnoticed.
 
Maintaining purity of spirit like a clear crystal is difficult to attain, it’s very precious and must never be defiled. Precisely because of that, the such an apparently incorruptible clean person still doesn’t seem realistic to me.
 
“So you puked on that boy’s face…? …That’s a bit harsh.”
 
“I seriously reflected this time. I like drinking but I should refrain more going forward. Just because you’ve become an adult doesn’t mean drinking like I did is okay alright? Though me saying that probably isn’t very convincing.”
 
“Nothing can be said except to be careful but…for Kuon-san of all people to fail like this is pretty unexpected.”
 
“I didn’t think things would turn out like this either…and that’s not all…”
 
…It’s probably best not to let slip about that part right?
 
Even though she is my cousin, my small pride as an adult denies it.
 
I can only thank him for carrying me to my room without a single complaint (or maybe he did).
 
There was no one else in the room besides me. With the state I was in, he couldn’t exactly change my clothes so there was nothing to do but leave me be. Yet on the table were mineral water and hangover supplements that I have no memory of buying. Things he had prepared for me.
 
What did I do to the person was…
 
For the past two days I’ve been mired in terrible self-loathing like this. Still, I can’t let it affect my work. So I really wanted to spit it all out like this.
 
“But he seemed like a strange boy. At first he was calling me an evil spirit or something.”
 
“Evil spirit? That’s funny.”
 
“The name itself isn’t something I can readily say but… Also, did I mention? His mother apparently knew who I was and ever since then for some reason he’s been calling me Goddess-sensei, it’s so embarrassing. As if being called the Goddess of the Legal World wasn’t already excruciating enough. I wish they wouldn’t tack on weird epithets.”
 
“…Goddess-sensei? For some reason I’m hit by an intense sense of deja vu…”
 
“So I wanted to ask if you know him. He’s a first-year but goes to the same high school as you I think? If there’s someone that noticeable I thought you might know him.”
 
“Is that so? Wait a moment Kuon-san, I’ve suddenly got a bad feeling about this–“
 
“His name’s Yukito Kokonoe.”
 
“–!?”
 
I gave his family my business card with contact details when I met them, that’s when I found out by coincidence that my niece goes to the same high school as him.
 
Even with the large student body population I can’t say for certain my niece would know him but the reason I wanted to talk today was holding out hope she might be able to provide some insight.
 
“…Goddess-sensei… Goddess-senpai… A first-year… Kokonoe…”
 
“What’s wrong Kyouka? If there’s anything you know can you tell me?”
 
For whatever reason my niece Kyouka Souma’s eyes fly wide open in shock as she begins mumbling uhn uhn.
 

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“Thanks Yuki!”
 
“Open it up and see. I chose it thinking you’d like it.”
 
Students coming to school during summer break can largely be classified among three categories. Either club, supplementary lessons, or committee work. While I, Yukito Kokonoe, a student who is flunking out of life, but my test scores are fine.
 
Therefore, if I’m at school it falls under either club activities or committee work. Since I don’t belong to any committees, in other words it’s due to club activities.
 
I’m on my way back from women’s basketball club activities together with Shiori. I passed her an omiyage souvenirs on the way too.
 
“A family trip hot spring must have been wonderful! What kinda souvenir is it?”
 
“Panties. I pondered it over and picked some light blue ones thinking they’d suit you–“
 
“Why are you giving me underwear!?”
 
Shiori is shocked with the opened capsule in hand.
 
Good, looks like she’s happy about it. Knew a bright color would be good for Shiori.
 
“I gave some to president at the student council room earlier too but she tried putting them on immediately so I got out fast.”
 
“I don’t even know where to start retorting!”
 
The vice president Mikumo-senpai was grappling her into a sleeper hold but Secretary Sakuma-senpai was egging her on.
 
As I’m boasting about amusing tales from my hot spring vacation, a voice suddenly calls out from behind.
 

 
“Kamishiro-san…?”
 

 
Probably returning from club activities like us, it’s a group of several people.
 
One boy gets pushed out to the front by his friends.
 
“Suzuki-senpai…?”
 
That name is familiar. If I remember right he’s the second-year from the baseball club who confessed to Shiori, a candidate for the next ace pitcher. Since this is my first time meeting him I can’t just butt into the conversation.
 
Despite being the baseball club he doesn’t have a buzzcut. Times sure have changed…
 
“Is Kamishiro-san on a date?”
 
“N, No! I’m just going home with Yuki, we aren’t on a date!”
 
“That guy over there is… I see, so you’re Yukito.”
 
He had been quiet as a wooden carved carp but it was the senior who tried striking up a talk with me.
 
“I wanted to introduce myself but…”
 
He seems down about it.
 
“Well, you’re pretty famous after all. I’m Suzuki Keiji, a second-year. So, are you going out with Kamishiro-san?”
 
“We’re at the giving panties as presents level of relationship! Though well, it is actually just a single coin!”
 
“Why do you keep making the conversation more complicated!?”
 
“I see… So is that how it is?”
 
Suzuki-senpai seems troubled. But he braces himself.
 
“To be honest, I don’t think very highly of you. Be they true or not, you stand out too much.”
 
“Senpai, Yuki isn’t like–“
 
“Kamishiro-san, I haven’t given up yet. You aren’t dating anyone right? If that’s the case then I think I’ve still got a chance. Even though you rejected my confession before, I’ll make you turn around to look my way.”
 
“I, I’m sorry but I told you no!!!”
 
“I seriously like you y’know.”
 
“Even if you say that to me…”
 
Suzuki-senpai’s friends unscrupulously clamor hyuu hyuu. Suzuki-senpai has a sincere look in his eyes. That straightforward attitude confessing his feelings seems noble. Only natural for the baseball club I guess. However, approaching her like this again as a group after being rejected once could also be seen as applying pressure, and feels rather underhanded to me. Doesn’t he notice Shiori dislikes it?
 
“Geez, c’mon Shiori, let’s go home ‘kay?”
 
“Eh, Yuki? I’m sorry senpai!”
 
“O, Oi! Wait up!”
 
I forcibly cut the conversation short. Too annoying to deal with. Shrugging, Shiori and I exit the school gates.
 
I don’t know what kind of person Suzuki-senpai is but forcing your way in like that isn’t fair play.
 
“Thanks as alway Yuki.”
 
“You sure are popular huh.”
 
“It somehow only sounds sarcastic when you say it Yuki!”
 
“Not like I’ve ever had a girlfriend or anything…”
 
“–Then!”
 
The sky that had been completely clear in an instant grows dark. The masses of cumulonimbus clouds covering the sky had rapidly developed. When the hot air heated by the summer sunshine is cooled in the upper atmosphere, cumulonimbus clouds undergo abrupt development making atmospheric conditions unstable. Thunder roars and in the blink of an eye intense rain comes pouring down.
 
Sudden natural disasters in summer are extremely difficult to predict. Of course, we don’t have umbrellas or anything.
 
“A summer guerrilla downpour huh. Shiori, let’s run! “
 
“Yeah. Yuki, my house is closer from here! “
 

 
They say women’s feelings and autumn skies change easily but perhaps summer weather might be said the same.
 
Sunny skies transform into cloudy ones in an instant, rain falls as if to cool down the hot air heated by sunshine.
 
Nature’s providence continues operating normally today as well. Sudden phenomena of summer.
 
On our way back from club activities, caught in a sudden guerrilla downpour we take shelter at Shiori’s apartment. My shoes are soaked with water giving an unpleasant slimy sensation.
 
Weather forecasts are powerless in the face of such rapidly changing weather. I wipe myself down with the towel I have.
 
“Why don’t you go take a shower first?”
 
I should at least not let Shiori catch cold. Making the suggestion but for some reason Shiori’s face has gone red. What happened?
 
“S, Somehow you saying that is kinda embarrassing…”
 
I don’t know where there was anything embarrassing about it, but I can’t help but wonder about it. Questioning further never leads to anything good, that is the way of the world.
 
Lightning stikes, igniting flashes in the thick clouded sky.
 
“We won’t get a blackout will we?”
 
“If we do, I’ll warm you up.”
 
“Yuki, why do you say things like that!? You’re doing it on purpose right!? You’re definitely doing in intentionally!”
 
“Doing what now?”
 
I direct a sparkling, innocent, pure gaze on Shiori’s way.
 
“Ugghhh! Your eyes are always kinda shifty so why are you acting all innocent at times like this!”
 
Shiori raises an anguished voice, writhing in agony. What is up with her?
 
If a blackout makes it pitch black, it’ll be dangerous trying to take a bath.
 
Risks like slipping and falling in the bathroom. Something serious might happen if you hit your head falling over too. Just heatstroke deaths alone account for around five thousand annually with around seventeen thousand home accidents occurring in bathrooms annually. Bathrooms rank among the most hazardous spots domestically.
 
Entering in the darkness poses far too much danger. Everyone, please be careful!
 
What I meant by what I said earlier was that if the power goes out, all I can do is to keep Shiori warm so that she won’t catch a cold. But what exactly is Shiori going on about?
 
Maybe it’s just youthful fantasies running wild since she’s at that age. Well, nothing can be done about it I guess.
 
“Doesn’t look like it’ll let up any time soon.”
 
“Will it last into the night you think?”
 
“The clouds have thinned out more over in that direction, so might not keep this up for long?”
 
A feature of summer rain is it doesn’t drag on. Though it currently shows no signs of relenting whatsoever, it should settle down after an hour tops.
 
“Ah, I gotta take the laundry in too!”
 
“I’ll do it. More importantly, you’ll catch a cold. Go on and get in.”
 
“Thanks Yuki! I’ll be out in a minute!”
 
I immediately head onto the veranda and begin taking the laundry in, while hearing the flapping cloth sound of clothes being stripped off.
 
The rain is pounding the veranda relentlessly on an angle. Since the laundry is soaked either way, it’ll dry properly hanging it after the rain stops. I only take in the dried clothes.
 
It’s another hot summer this year. Holding the Olympics in this season is nothing short of madness.
 
While it’s called laundry, there are few items. At a glance, seems to only be Shiori’s stuff.
 

 
“Huge…”
 

 
SUGOIDEKAI bra are hanging. Shiori-san, you have quite the figure…
 
Kamishiro Shiori has the strongest build among girls. She’s still growing since it’s her development period so her height keeps breaking records.
 
And it’s not just tall. She also excels athletically. Naturally she gets scouted by sports clubs especially basketball but volleyball too. And while left unsaid, her body parts scale accordingly making Kamishiro Shiori a girl whose body parts are out of the standards.
 
While thinking that, I take in her underwear that has been hanging out to dry along with the rest of the laundry.
 
Can’t very well leave only her underwear out after all. I harbor no indecent thoughts or anything.
 
“Waaaah! Yuki, underwear, underwear is no good!”
 
Perhaps realizing that her underwear was hanging there, Shiori hastily comes out of the bathroom.
 
“Isn’t that outfit worse? Besides, I’ve already brought it in…”
 
Shiori, wrapped only in a bath towel, rushed out, but it was already too late.
 
By that time, I had already started folding the laundry. When Mom came home late, I usually took care of most of the household chores. There’s no reason to be flustered now just because underwear was mixed in with the laundry.

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scene transition  

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Besides, Mom and my sister have SUGOIDEKAIs too. Mom aside, unlike Shiori my sister isn’t very tall so there’s a sense of immorality.
 
“Uuuuuuuu…”
 
With tearful eyes and a bright red face, Shiori goes back to the bathroom. I am a man who doesn’t expect lucky perverted situations, I am Kokonoe Yukito. Continuing a conversation with Shiori in that state might lead to an unexpected and risky situation, such as the bath towel coming off.
 
I don’t take such risks. My risk management is flawless.
 
Shiori, who has finished her shower and come out, is still blushing. She’s making incoherent moans. Wondering what to do, I decide to reassure her.
 
“Don’t worry, I’m used to it because of my Mom and my sister.”
 
“W-Well, I do worry! And why are you used to it!?”
 
“My sister has zero housekeeping skills. I used to take care of the laundry and household chores.”
 
“I see… So, that’s why you can cook too, huh?”
Here is my attempt at translating your story into English while keeping the original tone:
 
“It’s because mom used to come home so late”
 
I’ve had much less opportunities to cook recently, but it’s a useful skill not to lose.
 
I hand the folded laundry to Shiori, who has changed into casual clothes.
 
“Are you gonna take a shower too, Yuki?”
 
“I’m good. I’m heading back soon anyway.”
 
“Go take one! You got anything to do after this?”
 
“No but…”
 
“Then–!”
 
I see, I get it. You’re feeling lonely, aren’t you?
 
Shiori’s parents are away. They’re on a company trip to Hokkaido apparently.
 
“Fine, I’ll borrow it for a bit.”
 
“Yeah!”
 
“I won’t do anything weird so don’t worry.”
 
“Why do you always say things like that!”
 
“I was trying to be honest but…”
 
“Geez! Go, come back quick after your shower. Let’s play some games or something?”
 
Shori pushes my back. The smell of soap tickles my nostrils. She may be building up more stress than she looks. It’s my duty as her friend to help relieve that stress by sending her joining women basketball club.
 

 
–How long do I continue to steal Shiori’s future?
 

 
“What should we play? I’m not very good at games and stuff.”
 
“How about bingo then? First we need to make the bingo sheets–“
 
“You can’t play that with two people!”
 
“I haven’t prepared any prizes either.”
 
“That’s not what I meant…”
 
“Okay, let’s start with the numbers one to five hundred…”
 
“There’s no way we’ll fill up the whole sheet! How long were you planning to play??”
 
After discussing various options, we decided to simply play a falling block puzzle game. I don’t know much about it but apparently it’s a dating sim where you match blocks to make characters fall. What kind of game is that!?
 
I reflexively look it up and it’s by some mysterious developer I’ve never heard of. While exasperated, we end up getting strangely into it. By the time we make the fourth character erotically fall, the sky has turned evening.
 
“How about carbonara?”
 
“It’s been a while since I’ve had Yuki’s cooking in a while!”
 
I dry my damp clothes in the dryer. I check the ingredients and swiftly cook the meal.
 
Shiori doesn’t seem very good at cooking for herself. That’s clear from looking at her kitchen.
 
“Cut it out with all the convenience store food.”
 
I plate the food and set it out on the table. It’s simple cooking but it’s an awkward time. I made less as she’ll probably eat again at night. After all, Shiori is still growing.
 
She is SUGOIDEKAI., she likely won’t have any issues eating this much.
 
“I am trying my best kinda…just struggling to commit to the results.”
 
“Pain in the ass cooking for only yourself. You’ll get used to it eventually.”
 
“Yeah you’re right! Let’s eat.”
 
After we finish eating and I wash the dishes, Shiori awkwardly tries to talk to me.
 
“Kinda nice, you know, stuff like this. When home alone, nights and stuff, I occasionally feel a bit lonely. So it’s nice to have someone.”
 
Shiori looks at the calendar stuck on the wall, an awkward smile surfacing.
 
“Hokkaido trip huh. Maybe you’ll get a little brother or sister soon?”
 
“Don’t say such vivid things!”
 
“Are you planning to have grandkids before that☆”
 
“The vividness just doubled!?”
 
Shiori’s face turns bright red as she gets all embarrassed. At first glance she looks cute but since this is Shiori whose mental fortitude is maxed out, the sound effect is more like a loud thud, so I end up taking huge damage.
 
“Sorry. I guess from all the sexual harassment, my senses have gone numb.”
 
“The circumstances and symptoms both seem severe huh.”
 
“Right…”
 
As I poke holes in the bingo sheet, I slowly open my mouth.
 
“Why didn’t you accept your senior’s confession?”
 
“Because the one I like is Yuki, obviously!”
 
No matter what, those words sincerely reach me, blocking any way out.
 
I know there are many people who are fond of Shiori, not just that senior from baseball club. To those people, my existence is nothing but a hindrance.
 
It would have been better if I could lie. The worst possible reaction that trample on Shiori’s feelings. But those eyes filled with determination won’t allow such misunderstanding again.
 
I know she likes me. I don’t have the denseness or composure of a harem manga protagonist. There’s no way I can nonchalantly keep up an unaware act.
 
To keep knowing of received affection yet indefinitely postponing and playing with feelings is cruel.
 
Time flows equally for everyone. To keep tying her up in her precious limited youth is a sin. Everyone has the right to spend a glorious youth.
 
And no one has the right to steal that away.
 
So I’ll tell her. Plain truth without embellishment.
 
Even if the answer hurts, Shiori should live her own youth.
 
Refusing or postponing hurts all the same. Only the scale differs. But still, obscurely keeping hopes and expectations while manipulating feelings cannot be forgiven.
 
“–Shiori, I can’t accept your confession.”
 
I distinctly hear a swallowed breath.
 
I couldn’t pretend to not see her expression warp as if about to cry.
 
“Can I not stay by your side? It has to be Suzurikawa-san?”
 
“I’ll tell Hinagi the same thing.”
 
“Huh…? Why…?”
 
–Please don’t say it, don’t make me say it!
 
Somewhere in my heart that conflict swirls violently.
 
That’s exactly why I know it has to be said out loud for her to understand.
 
“…Because I can’t fall in love to you.”
 
That single bare truth.
 
“Is it my fault? If I hadn’t done all that stuff…!”
 
I gently wipe the tears welling up in her large eyes.
 
“No. You did nothing wrong. It’s all my fault. Hate me if you want. Dislike me if you want. So from now on, move forward. Don’t waste your time.”
 
“Stop it, Yuki! I can’t do that…”
 
“You’re popular. I’m sure you’ll find wonderful partners, unlike that baseball club senior that’s out of the question. And there’s refreshing pretty boys with marriageable specs, right?”
 
“It has to be you! The one I li–“
 
“Your atonement is already over. I can’t make you happy.”
 
The past never mattered to begin with. I didn’t care that she injured me either.
 
This is nothing but a breakup talk. Her confession got turned down. Just a single event that happens everywhere.
 
It got unnecessarily complicated. Two separate events that should have no intersection. I’m untangling that knot.
 
“Thank you for everything until now.”
 
“I don’t wanna…let go…”
 
A hand touches my cheek as if clinging on.
 
How can I get her to move on? How can she shake off the past? Should I make her hate me? Make her think it was a mistake to have liked such an awful person. Think that there was no value in sympathizing over a stain like me–.
 
“Shiori, I’ve always hated you. Don’t come near me anymore.”
 
“Yuki…?”
 
Shaking Shiori off, I head to the entranceway.
 
Stepping outside, the thick clouds have passed and the sunshine starts coming back
 
“So this is goodbye.”
 
I whisper faintly without looking back. However it happened, I knew this would make her sad. Yet I still want her happiness. Perhaps wanting conflicting things itself is contradictory.
 
If she fell for someone else, could there have been a future where I could love Shiori? In any case that is nothing but an IF, a question without an answer.
 
Just getting confessed to and rejecting felt this gut wrenching. I can’t even imagine how much more painful cheating on someone would be after starting a relationship.
 
There’s absolutely no way I could do something like that. That Old man really are scum.
 

 
I am not a harem protagonist but a man named Yukito Kokonoe.

 

 
 

 
“Ahh…I got dumped…”
 
Alone again in the room after Yuki left, I plop down on a chair and mutter dejectedly.
 
Joyful memories and sorrowful memories. Chaotic, imbalanced emotions.
 
“He hates me…that makes sense. No way someone would fall for me, right?”
 
I hurt him three times already. I denied my own words and injured him after that. The advisor and boys basketball team members blamed Yuki for getting injured right before the important tournament.
 
Expectations were so high. Everyone thought he could get results. That’s probably why those words accidentally slipped out my mouth.
 
But Yuki didn’t blame me at all for causing his injury or getting reprimanded. He silently took all those words without explaining himself and quit basketball.
 
He made no excuses. After that he never showed his face to the basketball team again and didn’t even show up to handoff to his juniors. Maybe they reflected on their harsh words, as the advisor and male basketball members came to apologize but Yuki never came back and nothing changed.
 
It’s all because of me. Of course he hates me. Why would someone like someone like me who keeps clinging to him when I’m so bothersome to him.
 
For the first time he openly told me he hates me to my face. I figured as much. But Yuki–.
 
“I can’t give up on you. …… “
 
If Yuki had said that with his expressionless face as usual I probably could have honestly accepted his words. Believed he truly hates me from his heart.
 
Maybe I would have been able to give up then.
 
But the expression on Yuki’s face as he said that looked more anguished than I’ve ever seen him.
 
It seemed he spat out the “I hate you” forcibly. That makes me realize it’s out of kindness. A fake true feeling. Showing the kindness he somehow can’t fully shake off.
 
So that’s probably why. Even getting told I’m hated, rejected in words, my feelings keep expanding as I can’t control my feelings of love. But I don’t know what to do.
 
I couldn’t reach Yuki’s heart. I figured he would choose Suzurikawa-san.
 
A childhood friend, someone Yuki used to love.
 
But he said he would tell her the same thing. Why? Then who does Yuki like? Come on, remember what he said. What were his words?
 
Yuki is bad at lying to himself. Honest fits him rather well. Supreme mental toughness to bluntly say anything without pretense. That’s why I understand him sometimes.
 

 
“–Does he not have anyone he likes…?”
 

 
I feel like he said he can’t fall for me. He doesn’t have anyone else he likes and for a fundamentally different reason rather than Suzurikawa-san or loving someone else…
 
I really am hopeless huh…
 
He told me so many times already. That he doesn’t care about the past anymore.
 
And I think that’s exactly how he feels. If Yuki says he isn’t bothered by it then he truly isn’t bothered by it. That’s just the kind of person he is. Yet I still wanted to atone for what I did.
 
“I see… I wanted to be scolded…”
 
Why am I only realizing this now? Silly me is always so slow, only regret after that. Yuki is kind. His kindness had me constrained.
 
Just now, he freed me from that.
 
I have nothing I can give back. I only injured him and made him protect me.
 

 
Powerless to do anything for him. Tormented by frustration. That’s why I chased him.
 
I wanted to be together with him so much I chose the same high school.
 
But I think Yuki felt I was sacrificing myself for him.
 
That’s why he rejected me so bluntly. No, maybe not. I might not have understood myself that well yet, insisting it wasn’t just atonement while I said otherwise. My own feelings…
 
It wasn’t atonement or recompense but pure, unadulterated feelings of affection.
 
Won’t you let me say it one more time?
 
I was told to move on. That surely means to look to the future not the past.
 
But you know, I don’t want that future if Yuki’s not there. No way.
 
It’s not my issue anymore. It’s his problem. I can’t reach him. I can’t find the answer.
 
“But there’s things Yuki can’t figure out alone either, right?”
 
I’m sure Suzurikawa-san would reach the same conclusion.
 
Even if Yuki rejects her the same way, she surely won’t give up like me.
 
No matter what Yuki thinks alone, he can’t convince us to quit with just those words.
 
Because it’s not just Yuki’s or just my problem. It’s both our problem.
 

 
There’s no way we’d be satisfied without reaching a conclusion together.

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TN : here’s Idol Himiyama

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