The Girls Who Traumatized Me Volume 3 Chapter 5

Chapter Five: “Kokonoe Yuuri”

I, Anya Shakado, am a dark loner.
I’ve been a dark loner for sixteen years now. I’m an experienced loner, as if I’ve never been anything but… hehe.
“Hehe… I brought you some food. Here, Chi-chan. Eat up…”
I feed my chameleon Chi-chan in her cage. Her long tongue shoots out in a flash. I watch her with a broad smile… No, not a cute smile, just a grin. Hehe…
Chi-chan’s skin looks so shiny today. Wow, so different from me…
But hey, I’ve been working hard on my skin care lately too, Chi-chan! I chat with her, but as usual, she completely ignores me, that tsundere…
I, Anya Shakado, am a reptile girl.
I’ve always liked reptiles. But no one ever agrees when I try to share my love for how cute they are. It didn’t take me long to realize that this is an unusual interest for a girl.
Is that why, except for kindergarten, which I barely remember, I never had many friends in elementary or middle school? I couldn’t join in when the girls talked about girly things, and I was completely unaware of any crushes or romance… Just a loner sitting alone in the corner of the classroom – that was me.
*** scene change
Scene Transition


“Th-th-that’s right, I’m definitely an introvert… Most of the time, my hair is messy, I’m hunched over, and I wear a gloomy smile. It’s not like any of my classmates would want to get close to someone like me.
The day they told us to form pairs or groups of people we liked was the beginning of the end for me. The ever-anxious teacher would usually just force me into the leftover group.
Fortunately, I was never bullied. In fact, no one would come near me out of sheer discomfort. No one ever knew that I liked reptiles unless I said so myself, but the aura of introversion that emanates from me keeps my classmates at bay.
Before I knew it, my existence had dissolved into the air, treated as if I weren’t even there. Perhaps I had also become invisible.
I remember the time in elementary school when I told a girl I often talked to about my love of reptiles. “You’re different.” Those were the kind words, wrapped in a gentle denial, that made me realize she had stopped talking to me.
Even someone as socially awkward as me can tell when it’s blatantly obvious by her demeanor. I’m different. There’s something off-putting about it. When I realized that such feelings were lurking, I cried.
I, Shakado Anya, am different.
I thought that had become the norm. Gradually, I stopped talking to my classmates, and my rejection was naturally passed on to them.
I became more and more isolated, and as I continued to be alone, I remained, always vaguely invisible to everyone, Shakado Anya, colorless and transparent, quietly contained in the cage called the classroom.
My mom and dad worry that their only daughter doesn’t have any friends, but that doesn’t change anything. I wish I had a little brother or sister. I should try to ask for one on my birthday. Hehehe.
Oh well, it can’t be helped. I don’t know how to make friends anyway…
It’s hard for me to reach out. Loners have high barriers. Strangely enough, it’s harder to communicate with humans than with Chi-chan here… What an unfair world.
“Don’t you get lonely, Chi-chan…?”
I wonder how she feels being alone all the time? I have no idea.
Of course, she won’t answer, but chatting with her like this is part of my daily routine. I don’t want to go to school. I’d rather play with my pet all day.
I only go to school because I have to. I don’t want to worry my family anymore… Hehe.
I thought my high school days would just be more of the same. Nothing changed from elementary school to middle school, so I’d still be treated like an invisible loner. Boring routine, colorless days. That’s what I thought.
Until I entered high school.
That’s when I met him. A god. I learned that gods exist in this world.
I thought I was weird. But maybe I was wrong. The beliefs I held were shattered and crumbled. I was a frog in a well. An endless, vast ocean stretched before me.
An existence that doesn’t care about anything else.
Compared to him, I’m ordinary. Overwhelmingly ordinary. I’m ashamed and embarrassed of my delusion.
Dazzlingly bright, far too intense… Next to him, no one would ever think I’m strange. Or care that I am.
Yes. He’s a charismatic loner. A very charismatic loner.
Thanks to him, I’m now just an ordinary classmate.
He made me ordinary instead of special. Anya Shakado, a normal girl who happens to be a loner.
He changed me so much that I now look forward to school, after having found it such a pain throughout elementary and middle school. I even miss it during summer vacation now–
For the first time, I’m enjoying school life without being isolated.
But since I’ve gotten so used to being a loner, I don’t know how to interact and end up confused. I obviously lack experience.
Still, no one rejects me. Even when they find out I love reptiles, my classmates accept it as an individuality. Of course, with someone so much more intense right in front of us, my quirks are trivial.
I remember when they first realized I loved reptiles. Right after I started high school, he happened to walk by while I was looking at my Chi-chan collection in the classroom. He could tell at a glance that Chi-chan was a panther chameleon. Apparently he was thinking about getting one as a pet.
Unexpectedly knowledgeable, I got carried away and told him about it, but he didn’t mind at all and just accepted me for who I was.
After that… Somehow I started to feel embarrassed about my messy hair and began to take a little more care with my appearance.
I’m still not very good at it because I never cared before. When I asked my mom for advice, she was so happy. Hehe… sorry for the trouble!
Before I realized it, more people started talking to me on their own. Maybe I was the one who was shutting them out.
The dark loner aura is like a barrier. If I can take even a small step forward, there are people who will respond.
I learned that the invisible, transparent me can take on color for the first time.
My phone rings with an incoming message.
“Wha–what is it…? Eli-chan…?”
A message from Eli-chan appears on the screen.
An invitation to hang out. Eli-chan is Carne Sakurai.
The complete opposite of me, a lively, bright girl. The top of the social pyramid, a level I could never reach. He calls her Elizabeth, so I respectfully call her Eli-chan in my head, even though I don’t dare say it to her face. He just casually calls her Elizabeth like the god he is. A message from someone like Eli-chan makes my whole body shake.
“Th-the pool!? Is it this kind of pool, Chi-chan!? Are they calling me out to drown me? Or is it for swimming and wearing bathing suits!?”
Not only am I invited to hang out, but the meeting place is a pool. Too much capacity for a loner like me.
What am I going to do? I can’t stay like this.
I rush out of my room and into the living room.
“Mom…wh-what am I doing!? I-I got invited to hang out with a friend, but we’re going to a pool! Is my school swimsuit okay?”
My mother’s eyes go wide and tears start to fall.
“An-chan made a friend who invited her…? Mommy is so happy! But An-chan, I don’t think you have a school swimsuit, do you? Let’s go shopping for a cute one together!”
“Hehe… I didn’t realize. Thanks for telling me.”
My mom is in a good mood. She always seems happy lately.
The loneliness I used to feel has faded away somewhere. I hope I can stay in the same class until I graduate. The old me would never have imagined this.
He shakes up my dull routine with his constant antics. My days change quickly. But it’s fun and pleasant in an uncontrollable way.
I am Anya Shakado. A loner, but also an ordinary girl and a devout follower of God.

Yes, the boy our class secretly worships – that is Yukito Kokonoe.

I’ve been clinging to my sister for the past week.
It must have been so annoying. Sorry, Yuuri san.
We walk to school together in the morning, and sometimes I even sleep in her room at night.
When I saw her looking at me sadly like an abandoned puppy, I felt bad. I’m sorry.
On weekends, we would go shopping, watch a movie together. Played bowling and stuff.
Basically, onee-chan doesn’t object to anything I want to do. She accepts everything.
I tried my [Operation Lower Affection Levels] on her too, but like Himiyama-san and Mom, my sister’s affection for me doesn’t seem to decrease at all.
When I suddenly left the house, saying I was going to buy suspenders, she rushed out to stop me before I could even react. Hell was waiting for me when I got back. So this is the infamous naked gate.
But could this really happen?
Even a naughty little sister will face retribution from her big sister if she goes too far.
This past week I identified the cause and came to a conclusion.
Obviously, sister is overreacting.
The closer I get, the more I try to be on her good side, the more she accepts me, but her expression is tense, her heart is racing, her breathing is ragged. Her body is shaking, drenched in cold sweat.
Trying to force a broken relationship back to the way it was will only create a distorted, broken facade.
Only once has my sister shown me her true feelings.
“I hate you! Go away!”
With these words, she threw me off the playground equipment.
I was badly injured and hospitalized, but I don’t blame my sister one bit.
It was my fault for bothering her. I should have disappeared like she said.
After that, I tried to avoid interacting with my sister as much as possible.
Looking back now, that was the right decision. Those words were her real feelings.
She started to change after we entered high school. I finally realized.
That’s why my sister is suffering. Especially lately, she’s clearly trying to keep her distance. Some days she hides in her room and we hardly see each other.
Of course, when I visit, she’s always happy to see me and does everything I ask.
But I know she suffers alone afterwards.
I’ve even heard her sobbing late at night.
Yes, my sister forced herself to like me.
Feeling guilty about my serious injury, my sister tried to become an absolute ally.
And she must have vowed never to commit the atrocity she once did to me again.
My sister erased her true feelings with logic, leaving nothing but love for Yukito.
In her mind, she can only evoke positive feelings for me.
She would never allow herself to feel anything else towards me.
But continuing this deception will eventually take its toll.
Torn between conflicting emotions, my sister continues to suffer.
There is no need to force a good relationship just because we are siblings if we don’t really like each other.
It’s okay to dislike someone. Forcibly denying that causes tension.
Many siblings have a bad relationship or are completely indifferent to each other.
After the accident, my sister and I kept a good distance. So it’s easy to imagine how hard it is for her now that our relationship is unstable.
I am approaching her because I have realized this. I won’t stop until my sister reveals everything.
What my sister needs is the courage to admit that she hates me again.
To free her heart that has been locked in the prison of lies without hiding her true feelings.
I see my sister getting more and more exhausted every day. She’s approaching her breaking point.
However, I will not stop getting closer to my sister. Even if it means pushing her to the brink, I will continue relentlessly until she reveals everything.
That’s enough. I’ve been loved by my sister so far.
She has suffered long enough. It’s time for her to seek her own happiness.
Somehow I feel that this is what it means to grow up.
I’ve been protected by my sister until now. But that time is over.
I can handle most things on my own, and I have plenty of allies to help me when I need them.
my sister doesn’t need the curse called Yukito anymore.
I respect her. The time has come to say goodbye, it seems.
“Thank you for caring even though you hate me. Onee-chan.”
All that remained were feelings of gratitude.

“So this is the campsite!”
I get off my dirt bike and look around.
Sunlit open grassland. Bright young leaves shine.
The smell of fresh green fills my nostrils. I take a deep breath to appreciate nature.
“We finally made it.”
My sister also gets off her dirt bike. Sweat glistens brightly. She looks beautiful.
“Are you okay? Must be tired.”
“Still getting used to it, but we practiced, took plenty of breaks. Don’t worry.”
My sister and I rode our dirt bikes for two hours to get to this nature park.
Since we’re minors, it’s just a day trip. People tend to think of camping as roughing it in the mountains, but nowadays campsites have full facilities for beginners to enjoy.
I suggested it might cheer her up.
“My butt hurts a little from you plucking my butt hair,.”
“I’m not plucking them, am I!?”
“But you’ve already seen my butthole, so what’s the big deal now?”
“Is that my fault?”
“I could even count the number of wrinkles.”
“So is that my fault?”
“I keep it pretty, so look as much as you want.”
“Look at what!? Hey, look at what!?”
The first annual Kokonoe family mahjong tournament ended in disaster. I won, but the extreme battle between me – who didn’t want to win – and the three who wanted me to win continued late into the night.
We were in an indescribably ridiculous mess due to the late night shenanigans, but those memories have been buried in the darkness of history.
Incidentally, all three of them deliberately dealt me winning hands. They are heretics without blood or tears.
“Next week we’ll have a tights ripping championship.”
“A brilliant idea?”
Sounds super fun. Life in modern society is a struggle against stress. Everyone has their own way of relieving stress, but there’s no doubt that fulfilling destructive urges through things like axe throwing venues and smashing plates is an effective method of stress relief.
“Between you and me, I’ll let you in on a secret. I wear the tightest tights.”
“Even if it’s a blatant violation of the rules?”
“Mom wears control tops, so she’s not the enemy.”
“Even if I take the mount position?”
“Sekka is despicably prim and proper. But underneath she’s a low woman.”
“What kind of conversations go on behind my back every day?”
The darkness of the Kokonoe household runs deep.
“What exactly is this competition?”
“To see who can tear our pantyhose the most.”
“I don’t understand a word you’re saying, so I’ll just pretend to understand.”
The imagined horror leaves me no choice but to let it slide as I complete the registration.
Although they call it natural, there are still bathrooms and all equipment is for rent.
I flop down in the assigned tent, which is surprisingly comfortable.
“Do you want to use my lap as a pillow? My thighs are sore and swollen.”
“I sincerely apologize.”
I can only be grateful to my sister for accepting my intrusive invitation.
The two-hour bike ride left me pleasantly tired, but the ride back might be harder. I make a mental note to take more breaks along the way.
“But still, was that really okay?”
My sister’s expression clouds over. The cross bikes we rode were bought by me.
Twenty thousand yen for two. I keep saving my allowance so it’s not a problem, but it’s still a lot for a high school student, so I can’t blame onee-chan for worrying.
What really worried me was the risk of losing Mom’s financial support.
“I need some extra income. Hey, will you help me with a part-time job?”
“I can support you so you don’t have to work.”
“So you’re the kind of big sister who ruins her little brother.”
“If you need money, I’ll make it. I could even try paid dating…”
“Never say that again.”
I grab my sister’s shoulders and look her in the eye. She’s serious.
Painfully self-sacrificing. She’d never do it for herself, but if it was for me, my sister might do it without hesitation.
“You’re right, I’m sorry.”
If I don’t break the cursed chains that bind my sister, she’ll surely hurt herself one day, thinking it’s atonement.
It has to be done today. I will make my sister admit that she hates me.
“I said I have extra income. Let’s eat, I’m hungry.”
I take my sister’s hand. In the past she always took mine.
She did her best in mom’s place. And I, being insensitive, ruined everything without considering her feelings. I caused the destruction.
The biggest sin is not with my sister, but with me. Even worse.
I’m the arch-criminal who took advantage of my sister’s kindness by exploiting her guilt.
Clueless demon, tyrannical king. Arrogantly accepting one-sided devotion.
I robbed my sister of her smile and her life, still unsatisfied, greedily draining her.
When she threw me off the playground equipment, I took revenge without realizing it by throwing my sister into hell. I accepted her apology, and yet I gave her no forgiveness. Unbearably insolent.
“You’re so kind.”
“…………I’m a demon.”
If my sister is an angel, then I’m a demon. So I’ll play that role.
Even if I hurt her again, it will be the last time.

“What do you do for fun when you go camping? Do you play mobile games?”
“Is that indoor or outdoor? Philosophy.”
Like cooling off with air conditioning in the summer, then cozying up to a kotatsu with ice cream. A punishable offense while families scream about high electricity bills.
Lunch is barbecue, of course. No need to light a primitive fire.
While modern conveniences are appreciated, I worry about survival if shipwrecked on a deserted island.
Since American dad’s home BBQ was all meat, I also prepared seafood for this BBQ.
“I’ll do it.”
My sister struggles to grill the scallops, so I take over and skillfully remove them. Yuuri-san is unskilled. She dislikes bitterness, so I remove the liver and give her the meat.
“Thank you. But why scallops?”
“I wanted to highlight seasonal ingredients. Besides, all meat gets boring.”
“You’re so meticulous. What are you going to be when you grow up?”
Since I apprenticed under the chef, my cooking skills have improved significantly.
Cooking used to be just part of the household chores, but now I can make elaborate dishes and I’m starting to specialize. Thanks to this, I’ve developed some strange obsessions with ingredients.
“Onee-chan, the meat is ready.”
“Thank you. I tend to eat too much, but I have to watch my weight.”
“You’re actually too thin. I think it’s okay if you gain a little more.”
“True, that’s a good point. If I want to lose weight, I can just swing my hips on you.”
“This beef tongue is delicious.”
Munch, munch. Pretending not to notice a friend’s embarrassing accidental message is also an act of kindness.
I’ve repeated self-destructive comments many times before, making unnecessary remarks that would dig my own grave.
Even Confucius said that the secret to a peaceful life is to “see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil.
I peel some shrimp and hand them to my sister. Yuuri-san is unskilled. Maybe to apologize or to assert her big sister authority, she puts a chicken bite in my mouth. Happy.
Under the blinding sun, I enjoyed the BBQ with my sister to the fullest.

“Phew…I’m stuffed.”
“Yeah. Let’s clean up.”
I quickly start cleaning up. The camping equipment is rented, so all we take from home is the food.
“Hey…why do you want to go camping all of a sudden?”
A belated question. I probably should have explained when I invited her.
But onee-chan doesn’t question anything I say I want to do.
Only confirmation. And I’m the same with her. So our relationship was skewed.
I look up at the sky to check the position of the sun. It’s probably time.
“Hang on a second! I’ll get the luggage.”
I grab the luggage I had delivered to the campsite earlier.
onee-chan looks confused at the two boxes I brought.
Without a care in the world, I carefully unwrapped the tightly wrapped material with a cutter.
I couldn’t just tear it apart here, because I want to use the wrapping again when I take it home.
Inside is a framed painting.
“Ta-da! Here, a present for you, onee-chan.”
“A present? Even after you bought me a dirt bike?”
My sister gasps. She stares at the painting, devouring it with her eyes.
“It’s called [Onee-chan in Ten Years]. What do you think?”
A woman in a white sundress stands in a grassy field, bathed in sunlight.
The radiance is blinding, capturing a moment of happiness.
“At first I thought of submitting it to an art competition, but Sanjoji sensei said this painting should only be seen by you, onee-chan.”
No reaction, as if she didn’t hear me. Oh no, did I screw up?
“…..Ten years? But this woman in the painting, she’s …..”
Trembling hands trace the Yuuri in the painting.
That’s right, the woman is not the 27-year-old adult sister in ten years, but the 17-year-old Kokonoe Yuuri herself. That’s how I imagined the smiling Yuuri in my memory would look in ten years, all grown up.
The charming big sister who was always with me back then, if she just grew up normally, she’d be a lovely woman with a smile that suits her like in the painting.
After the accident, my sister apologized countless times. And I just accepted it.
Then my sister’s penance days began. I realized that she stopped smiling when I was six years old. It’s been ten years, and she’s still in prison.
The painting holds my ideal. The big sister I loved.
The future that should have been. That unfortunate event, distorting destiny.
I wanted to recreate that smile, that was my only wish in making this.
“Hey…that landscape in the painting, could it be…?”
My sister looks around as if just realizing. The windswept field. The position of the sun.
“It’s similar, isn’t it?”
I had recreated the situation from the painting. She noticed.
No words are necessary, her expression speaks volumes. But that’s not nearly enough!
“Fufufu. This isn’t over yet!”
Somehow in time, the white sundress. My masterpiece.
Identical to the painted outfit. I accidentally made it too complicated, and I was in hell.
“You made this, Yukito?”
“Yes. Wedding dresses are too difficult, but I thought a sundress would work.”
“A wedding dress? Are you going to make me wear it?”
“Huh? Oh, right. Since I imagined it.”
Wedding dresses are too complicated. I’ve only managed the veil so far.
Mom will have to wait a little longer. Life is a daily practice.
“If Yukito will forgive me, even against the whole world…”
“Oh, wait! I have to change!”
Flustered, my sister runs to the back of the tent. Rustling as she changes.
I take my DSLR out of my bag and check it’s working.
It would be a waste not to use it at times like this.
“Sorry to keep you waiting.”
She looks out of the tent shyly.
Her cheeks flush with embarrassment. An undeniable beauty stood there.
A sweet, gentle, beautiful woman. Trite words cannot capture her description.
Seconds passed, tens of seconds. I forgot even to breathe, rapt by the sight.
“What do you think?”
“An angel.”
The pure white dress flutters like wings in the wind.
A manifestation of the Seraph Uriel. Divine, I bow my head in awe.
That’s right, I just realized. My sister also started to like black after the accident. Like me, she wears a lot of black clothes.
But she used to like white. But she stopped wearing it because of me.
After My sister threw me off, she tried to pick up my bleeding body. Her white clothes quickly turned crimson with my blood.
I don’t remember seeing her wearing those clothes after I came home. She must have thrown them away. Then my sister came to prefer black. Unstained black.
Maybe it’s my fault. I stole her smile and even distorted her preferences.
“I thought white didn’t suit me…I’m embarrassed, but thank you.”
I snapped back to reality at my sister’s words. This is not the time to confess.
“How about a picture?”
My sister nodded and we walked quietly towards the meadow.
My sister took off her shoes and walked barefoot, feeling the texture of the earth under her feet.
The sunlight greeted my sister as if it were an effect, illuminating a path of light.
Guided by the gentle breeze, she gave a blessing as if mischievous spirits were guiding us.
“Is this place good?”
Perfect. But it’s not enough. Something crucial is missing.
I only wanted this, wished for this, and wanted to fulfill only one thing.
“Smile like you used to.”
“Yes, you’re right. Yukito worked so hard for this.”
“I know I have no right to say this, especially since I took away your smile, but I still want to see you smile, onee-chan. I loved that about you.”
There were many painful moments. I thought everyone around me was an enemy.
But there was someone who was by my side all the time. They supported me by my side, always.
My sister’ tears trickle down her cheek. Another new discovery.
I thought my sister didn’t cry. That she’s strong, so she wouldn’t.
–I know so little about my sister.

“Hey, Yukito. Am I really smiling? Like when we used to play together and get along so well…”

The wind gently caresses her hair.
Stiff and awkward, a terrible smile. But for me,
“Yes. – So beautiful.”
I capture the world in my viewfinder. Again and again.
So I can remember her smile when I see these photos.
Burning the fantastic, fleeting scene into my eyes.
Only this time, just as siblings.
As if our childhood hearts have returned, I turn back time with my sister.
There stands the ideal big sister I painted.
“I had completely forgotten this feeling.
A sunflower smile, brightening the room just by being there.
“I’d better return the favor. Look forward to it.”
“Already have.”
I was given the best gift imaginable. A refreshing, rewarding feeling.
Compared to her smile, all my efforts were insignificant.
“Hey, Yukito. If I disappeared one day, would you be sad?”
A sudden question. But her expression is deadly serious, her voice trembling.
No need to think. Ridiculously obvious. Only one answer.
“I would cry.”
“You’ve never cried before.”
“I did recently.”
“I’m Mom’s son.”
“I guess. She’s a crybaby. Like me?”
My sister gives a wry smile.
“No matter where we go, we’re parent and child, siblings. Birds of a feather.”
“Family. You don’t need a reason to love. I just came to understand that again.”
She spins her words like a weight lifted from her soul
Under the wide open blue sky, we became normal siblings again for the first time in ages.

“Let’s go home, onee-chan.”
“Okay. I won’t forget this day you gave me.”
The wind ruffles my sister’s long hair.
“–Yukito, thank you.”
I’m gently hugged. The scent of sun and grass mixes with my sister’s scent.
So this is negative ions. It has a relaxing effect and improves my mood.
At the same time, frustration wells up in my chest.
Is what I’m trying to do correct?
If we stop here, we can be happy just to leave things as they are.
Hesitant to answer. Uncertain of the solution. How much value is there in continuing to torment onee-chan’s heart, no matter what may come of it?
I shake off the struggle. But the dark feeling hasn’t gone away.

My little brother made me cry. Even though I swore I wouldn’t. Shameful. But strangely, my mood is bright.
Perhaps because those tears were of joy, not sorrow.
I carefully repacked the painting and sent it home. I look forward to hanging it in my room.
I decide to practice smiling in front of a mirror when I get home. To loosen the tight muscles in my cheeks. I must be worthy of the sundress he made for me.
I’ll treasure it until the day comes when I can smile naturally.
I’m still full of emotion. In the end, he gave me one last precious memory.
With this, I won’t feel lonely even if we’re apart….Silly lies I tell myself again.
I could just accept my classmate Mizuguchi’s confession, if only to give up.
Not that I’d ever do anything like involve others.
If I imitate that foolish childhood friend, the one who would get hurt is my brother.
Falling in love like a normal girl. I wonder if that straight path was ever open to me.
When did I stray from it? When did I love him so much?
He never blamed me. On the contrary, he apologized for causing me trouble.
He didn’t tell anyone about my sin, didn’t ask for anything, didn’t seek anything, kept his distance so that I wouldn’t worry, and lived normally so that I could too.
Not noticing such tender kindness, I recklessly kept the distance, unsatisfied.
I understand that I can’t love him more, that I can’t cross that line, but no matter how much I deny it, it’s useless.
I love him. I’m in love with him. I can’t undo those feelings.
It’s only natural that I would fall in love with him after what happened. Of course I’d fall in love with him.
How much did he prepare for today?
How much effort did he put in? I’m not worth it….
How can I respond to him doing all this just for me, thinking only of me?
“Where is this…?”
On the way back, Yukito suggests a detour.
A familiar park. The place where I hurt Yukito so badly.
Since then, I haven’t even gone near it. Why now of all times?
“It’s gone.”
“The equipment has been removed.”
Yukito answers my unconscious mumbling. No need to wonder about the obvious.
After such a big accident, it would of course be dismantled immediately.
Where the equipment once stood, there is now an empty space. An incongruous emptiness.
What I remember is Yukito crouching there, covered in blood.
My body tensed, my breathing ragged. I hide my trembling hands behind my back.
“I’m sorry.”
“….Why are you apologizing?”
Fear swirls inside me. Just a moment ago I was so happy, but now inexplicable terror envelops my whole body. It feels much colder than the summer night.
Darkness falls. Only the street lights illuminate us standing here.
Perhaps my damnation will begin under this spotlight.
Even though I’ve dreamed of it so many times, I’m afraid of it happening now.
“That day, I destroyed onee-chan’s world. Have you ever felt like that? Classic loner experience. Trying to join a close group of friends, but feeling left out. I intruded on the relationship you and your friends had built. Like a guy intruding on a Yuri couple. An alien existence deserving death for the atrocity. I impudently trampled on your world. It was my fault, and your rejection was only natural. I’m the one in the wrong. I bear the sin.”
No! You have done nothing wrong! I’m the murderer, the guilty one!
I want to scream, but the words in my throat won’t come out. The victim can’t defend the perpetrator. An act that defies reason. But there is no anger or accusation in my brother’s voice.
Just a steady, quiet outpouring of his heart….So this is Yukito’s world.
What he sees. Faded sepia. Always looking up at the sky.
He never speaks ill of anyone. I thought that was admirable.
But after I realized, after I understood, I could never say such things, even if it killed me.
How sad his world must be. Longing from the depths, from the very bottom, just for the sky above.
Reaching out, but unable to grasp the heights. Alone in the devouring darkness.
“But onee-chan forced herself to affirm the broken world. She accepted the foreign me and defined it as right. Killed her feelings, shattered her heart.”
I can’t remember my feelings that day. Not even why I committed such a folly.
But the memory says that in that moment I hated and rejected my brother. This is the truth.
“Onee-chan, it’s okay now. Don’t force yourself. It’s okay to hate me if you do. Stop deceiving yourself and twisting yourself to try to like me. It’s okay if you don’t.”
Yukito gently brings my trembling hands to his neck.
“Wh-what?! Did you actually notice!?”
“I just had a vague feeling of your presence.”
My blood ran cold. No, it’s not like that. I never thought that!
I wanted to shout it out, but who would believe such an excuse?
I can’t possibly say that I was tempted by the lure of more sins to seek punishment.
I put my hand on my sleeping brother’s neck many times. But it was like a ritual.
It was to make me aware of my unforgivable sins. I had no intention of actually strangling him.
But if Yukito had noticed, if he had woken up feeling my presence, how would my actions have appeared to him? Maybe he was afraid of a non-existent murderous intention.
If that’s the case, I’m still a murderer in Yukito’s eyes…
“I can’t bear to see it. My sister is suffering. If you hate me, that’s okay. So please forgive yourself. Set yourself free.”
“What are you saying? I can’t possibly hate you.”
Yukito exerted power over my hands. A shiver ran down my spine.
No…. stop, please stop! Don’t make me do the one thing I can’t!
A shiver ran down my spine. Desecrate life. Trampling on dignity.
“When strangling, it’s most effective to cut off consciousness by squeezing the carotid arteries here, rather than with full force.”
He casually imparts trivialities, immediately strangling without hesitation.
Yukito’s strength drains away with a gasp, his knees giving out.
“….Lies. Lies! Hey, answer me! ….Why are you doing this! Yukito, Yukito!”
Why, why is this happening!? You said…!
Show me your smile like before. You wanted me to smile. Then why?
What is the point of smiling when there is no one to smile at?
I never wanted to see him like this again. I swore to protect him, but now at my hands…!
I shake my brother’s limp body. Barely breathing. I won’t let you die, I won’t kill you!
Somehow suppressing the madness that threatens to overwhelm me, I pick up my phone.
“That’s right, ambulance! call an ambulance!”
Yukito’s hand grabs my arm.
“Cough, cough! Uwaaaaa!”
Is he regaining consciousness? He coughs and gasps for air.
“Are you okay!? Why did you do that! Without you, I–“
A world without you,
I have no reason to live in such a world.
I don’t need such a world.
“….I’m sorry I couldn’t disappear.”
The same words as before. My heart feels as if it has been ripped out by a sharp knife.
I killed Yukito. Pushed with the order to never forget your sin.
“Stop! The one who has to disappear is not you, it’s me!”
“No, you’re wrong, onee-chan. I have learned that there are people who love me, who cherish me, who would grieve for me. So I can’t act like that anymore. I’m sorry. I can’t fulfill your wish anymore.”
Yukito’s sad expression. But his words were the opposite of those days.
When he tried to disappear before and failed, now he replied that he couldn’t disappear.
That’s growth. To know that he is loved, to want to live for someone.
“My wish? That you disappear? That’s not possible!”
“You don’t have to force yourself anymore, onee-chan. Admit it. If you keep this up, you’ll break one day. Pretending your true feelings forever–“
“Don’t presume to decide my feelings!”
At a loss, I swing my arm to slap him, but of course I can’t bring myself to do so, and instead I caress Yukito’s cheek. Don’t be silly… I do love you.
“I love you! I know it’s an unforgivable, forbidden love. I never wanted to say it. I wanted to hold back. But you’re so kind…”
Tears overflow. No matter how many years I have endured and held back, the dam bursts and they pour down my face. Pattering on the floor. So pitiful. So miserable.
“No that was just onee-chan’s misunderstanding…”
“Even if you hate me, I’ll love you until I die!”
It doesn’t matter if my love is unrequited. I’m used to unfulfilled desire.
Even if that feeling is false, as you say, I’ve sublimated it into something true. Something that no one can take away from me. Not even you.
“…………To you, I’m a hated nemesis, aren’t you?”
“You, my only beloved little brother in this world.
“…………You must resent me like a devil you want to kill.
“My only precious treasure, pure and unsullied.”
Yukito looks disturbed and confused. Of course you would be. With such sudden declarations.
I never intended to, I should have kept it a secret forever.
Somehow, lately, this child who should hate me has started to spoiling me lately. For me, starved of affection from our indifferent mother, it felt like a dream come true. I tried to keep my distance, but I was just being played by this child who was getting closer in return.
But I was happy, not bothered at all.
To the point where I foolishly thought I was forgiven. Drunk with such impossible delusions.
“This can’t be…”
Dejected. I’m exhausted. He showed me one last wonderful dream. That’s enough.
After getting such a beautiful painting, making me this sundress, giving me back my smile…
What more happiness could I ask for?
“Yukito, thank you. And I’m sorry for everything so far.”
I vaguely feel that this is our farewell.
Even though I am studying abroad, my feelings will remain forever. This is enough. I want nothing more.
If he can find happiness, that will be my happiness too.
A subtle, uncomfortable expression. I feel something is wrong.
Yukito opened his mouth awkwardly.
“…………Don’t you think there’s some kind of disconnect, misunderstanding?”

Pushing the dirt bikes, we head home. On the way, we work to recalibrate our understanding.
“You want to study abroad, Yuuri-san?”
I can’t hide my shock at this sudden revelation.
Somehow our positions felt out of sync, an uncomfortable feeling hard to pin down, but my sister and I were both careless. We were just saying what we each wanted without communicating properly.
Our social dysfunction shows that we really are siblings. No wonder, after being estranged for so long. We were so distant.
After talking it over, it turns out that my sister wants to study abroad at a foreign university.
“Which overseas college? With you, probably the UK, right?”
My sister is good at many languages. But her specialty seems to be Yukito language! What’s that?
“Um, well…”
“Such a clear goal is amazing. What do you want to do in the future, onee-chan?”
“Uh… it’s not that, but… um…”
What is it? Uncharacteristically hesitant for Yuuri san.
“Well, I thought it would be better if I distanced myself from you…since I’m not needed anymore…”
“What are you talking about?”
“I mean, you can do everything on your own! I can’t protect you or anything, and Yukito hates me, right? I’m the worst sister ever. You’re the one who shouldn’t force yourself.”
When I found out the details, it turned out that my sister wasn’t struggling to convince herself that she liked me while actually hating me. Instead, she was struggling because she had lost sight of her own purpose and role, and felt that she could only fulfill her purpose by distancing herself. In other words, what I had been thinking was completely off the mark. Just a hasty conclusion. Pure conjecture.
What was that all about? I was also so worried.
Most of all, I might have caused my sister more unnecessary trauma.
I’m so embarrassed that I could die of frustration. It feels like my face is on fire. Facepalm
Huh? There’s no way I could dislike Yuuri-san. We know each other’s bodies inside and out. Why would something like that happen… (Act of God)
“Don’t presume to decide my feelings, onee-chan!”
“That’s what I just said!”
“Maybe so. But– I can’t support you studying abroad for reasons like that.”
“You’re right, that was insensitive of me.”
“I’d be lonely without Onee-chan around.”
“I get it. I’ll cancel it right away. Honestly, I didn’t really want to study abroad anyway. It’s such a hassle to go overseas and stuff.”
Her flip-flop is frightening. As usual, sister’s final judgment is divine, comes from God. Is that okay?
I let out a huge sigh. It’s like a weight lifted, or rather a wasted effort.
But if my sister ‘s worries are gone, then I guess it all works out. I’ll celebrate for now.
“We misunderstood each other, huh…”
“I guess…though now I feel kind of deflated. What was I worried about…haa…. Even though it took some time, let’s bridge the gaps one by one. We have a lot of time ahead of us.”
“So first, my motto: What’s mine is yours. What’s yours is yours. I belong to you, too.”
“Way too self-sacrificing!”
Will she really be okay with this angel mentality? I’m afraid you’ll fall in with the wrong kind of people
“I’m really sorry for all the trouble this time. I didn’t mean to mess with you. But believe one thing. My love for Yukito isn’t wrong at all.”
“….I’m honored by your kind words.”
“Words alone cannot be trusted, right? I know, how about a ‘Little Brother Only’ tattoo on my lower abdomen?”
“Absolutely not! That idea is pure horror even for summer!”
“You’re right, ‘Yukito Only’ would be better.”
“As if that would be better?”
“You’re the only one who can write the kanji for ‘justice’ on my thigh.”
Where does she get that kind of knowledge?
“That’s so Yuuri, isn’t it?”
Yes, yes. This craziness is onee-chan’s true character. A dejected look doesn’t suit her.
Being jerked around like this is just right for me. It’s not that I hate my sister.
“Let’s start over. Even mom started over as mom. We can too.”
“Is that okay with you?”
“Smiling big sister is more charming.”
We tried to distance ourselves, thinking we must hate each other. Didn’t interfere.
But if that’s not the case, we can go back to being the close siblings we used to be.
“Is it okay to love you?”
“You told me to not decide your feelings”
“Will you put me on wedding dress?”
“Huh? What are you talking about?”
“Of course I’ll dress onee-chan in a wedding dress! Just you wait!”
“Yay. I’m looking forward to it.”
Hmm, is this relationship really okay? I’m starting to worry.
The apartment building finally comes into view. I’m tired today. I want to rest soon.
“Hey, Yukito. I won’t hold back anymore. I’m serious about you.”
With these words, onee-chan dashes off, a gentle smile like back then still on her face.

The waiting room of the photo studio was filled with heat.
A make-up artist is doing Shiori’s make-up. She has excellent skills, as expected from a professional. The lively, cheerful Shiori gains more attractiveness from the makeup.
As I ate the snacks, I was intensely watching the makeup skills, trying to steal them.
“Yuki, this costume is way too embarrassing!”
“It shows less skin than a bathing suit.”
“I think light clothes are wrong for a battlefield…”
“Dancers have always been like this, traditionally.”
“….Why does dancing increase skills anyway?”
“Isn’t it obvious? Because it makes me happy when you shakes!”
“It doesn’t!”
Shiori’s face is red, but it’d be bad to object right before filming. There’s no turning back now.
After all, this was custom made for Shiori’s body. There’s only one in the world. That alone cost a lot of money. Out of my own pockets, of course.
“I never thought I would cosplay like this… onee-chan will laugh at me.”
The refreshing Ikemen gives a wry smile as he starts to change. Shiori goes to the changing room after her makeup is done.
“Mihou looks cool too. Who would have thought that I would show this side to Ryoune. Kukuku, thanks, Yukito Kokonoe!”
The fiery senpai is fired up in the heavy costume. The hero senpai, that is.
They thank me, but I’m the one who asked for their help. We have a mutual relationship.
This full-armored hero senpai, in exchange for sacrificing mobility, is the so-called defensive model who pushes the armor to the limit and demonstrates tremendous defensive power under the goal.
“What exactly is Basuke…?”
Could it be banuke instead of basuke? Maybe I’ll try bunshin…
Flip through the setup materials and it’s unnecessarily detailed down to the smallest detail.
The mischief of the adults knows no bounds. Things are going well for us, so there’s nothing to worry about, but will we ever see the light of day?
We have an upcoming web commercial shoot. Two versions, 15 seconds and 30 seconds.
It started with an offer from a company that contacted my SNS account.
I was approached by a major sporting goods manufacturer to create a bunny man model of their basketball shoes, basketball sneakers that is. Summer merchandise launch decided!
Initially, it was just the bunny man, but after the fiery senpai expulsion uproar, when Senpai Himura became nationally known as [The Hero], they decided to make a hero model as well.
In addition, the refreshing ikemen Kouki and Shiori, who appear with me in the videos, have often attracted attention.
Mihou Kouki is a handsome guy with great motor skills, and Shiori Kamishiro has an extraordinary physique for a beautiful girl.
At that point, they decided to produce it as a set with our team [Snow Rabbits].
Pure mischief. Driven by the evil plans of greedy adults, the plan progressed in the blink of an eye.
But then, unlike me as the bunny man and Himura senpai as the hero, Mihou and Shiori lacked individuality without distinctive nicknames.
After discussing it with the people in charge, the idea was born!

[Reincarnated Into a Basketball Club] aka [ReBa].
Search the hashtag “#ReBa”!

The commercials are also based on this setting, but instead of reincarnating into another world, we reincarnated from a fantasy world of swords, magic, and basketball into the modern era.
This groundbreaking solution gave them each the characteristics of [Hero] Himura senpai, [Sword Saint] Mihou, and [Dancer] Shiori. The arrival of the Hero, Sword Saint, and Dancer Party!
Originally, Shiori was supposed to be a mage, but no matter how you look at it, Shiori isn’t a mage type. Then she almost became a martial artist, but I put a stop to that. “Wait a minute!” Despite her incomparable physique, Shiori is still a girl. It would be sad to make her a muscle-head character.
Just think about it. A dancer looks cooler than a martial artist, right? Hehehe.
It was decided unanimously (except for Shiori).
And so five types of sneakers were set for release.
What, not four types you say? Well, wait.
Don’t you think a princess is essential for otherworldly things?
Personally, my idea of a princess is beautiful long hair.
It was a natural step for me to ask my sister. The true identity of the part-time job I offered her.
“….I somehow feel uncomfortable.”
Exuding a noble aura, wrapped in a luxurious dress, Yuuri looks uncomfortable after changing.
The men cheered. A breathtaking beauty stood there.
Like a princess reborn from another world. [SSR/★8 Princess Yuuri]
“As expected from Kokonoe, Yukito’s sister. It suits you perfectly!”
“Oh really? I don’t want to hear any boring flattery.”
“Onee-chan, you’re so pretty!”
“It suits me, right? But I’m just your princess, okay?”
Patted approvingly. For some reason, she seems cheerful lately.
After a stern talk with Mom, we agreed that she will sleep in my room three nights a week. Please just sleep in your own room.
My sister says she doesn’t like the idea of studying abroad. She doesn’t even like going overseas to begin with.
That’s how seriously she took being my sister, it seems. Sorry for the trouble.
“Isn’t her reaction to you completely different from mine?”
Himura senpai looks dissatisfied, but Mihou also praises without reservation.
That’s right, that’s right. Yuuri is beautiful after all.
“After the CM shoot, let’s roleplay in these outfits in another world, ‘kay?”
“Well… then, how about this? I get captured by a group of goblins and it looks like I’m about to be violated, and you swoop in to save me, slam dunking them. How about that?”
“Too innovative a concept!”
I shouldn’t have asked. I regretted it. What kind of world is ReBa!?
“I’ve finished changing, but it’s embarrassing…”
In contrast to my sister s composure, Shiori comes out red-faced in the dancer’s outfit.
With a mysterious veil covering her mouth, a bikini-like top and a pareo-like cloth wrapped around her lower half. Her mysterious appearance draws gasps.
“Hmm, erotic.”
“Blatant sexual harassment with no intention of hiding it?”
Shiori freezes. I really want her to dance for us.
Speaking of fantasy worlds, these mysterious armor pieces that seem to offer no defense at all are a prime example. The bikini armor leads the pack, but Shiori’s outfit obviously lacks any defense as well. One hit and it’s instant death.
The [ReBa] cosplay group is fully assembled here. Too surreal.
We’re going to wear these outfits to events during the summer holidays. Shiori cried.
By the way, in addition to the CM, we also signed a sponsorship contract.
The conditions are simply to wear the assigned sneakers for training. Videos filmed by someone are always uploaded when we do training. Maximum publicity effect.
In addition to the shoes, I also have collaborations with clothing manufacturers for Bunny Man merchandise.
Sales of Bunny Man logo shirts, hoodies, towels, and various other Bunny Man merchandise such as pens, acrylic stands, badges, pillows, etc. The smoothness is frightening.
The Bunny Man monster is now completely out of my hands.
Above all, my followers are an incomprehensible mess. Maybe that’s why the people in charge get stiff with tension when we meet. I’ve become a full-fledged urban legend madman. Thanks to the power of my followers, executives come to meet me in droves.
As a result, the trust and ability to spread my name is assured.
We also did a photo shoot and an interview in a basketball magazine. I alone had them make all my lines end in ~usa to stay true to the character. Pure professionalism.
The media is bombarding me with coverage requests, but I’m limiting it to specialty publications.
Needless to say, my temporary income has become exorbitant. My eyes are dollar signs.
So much so that I’m not even thinking about getting a summer job to make money. I hear the sneakers are already getting reservations.
The Bunny Man, who was supposed to be inconspicuous, went from being a slightly suspicious local weirdo to an online phenomenon, and now he’s even starring in a commercial. Historically unprecedented fame.
With deep emotion I think again… How did this happen?

“Huh? onee-chan, is this script okay for me?”
After shooting the 15-second commercial, we go straight to shooting the 30-second version.
From the indoor studio, this time it’s an outdoor location.
The commercial goes from [Another World Edit] to [Present Day Edit], but there are two versions – the 15-second one on video sites and the full 30-second one on the official site.
The unfinished ending entices people to visit the official site. It’s designed that way.
At the end of the other world edit, the scene transfers and the stage moves to the present. The basketball game starts again.
When I check the script in the location bus, for some reason only my last 5 seconds are blank.
When I ask Mihou and the others, they all have the same lines. Even though the details differ from role to role, only the ending is the same. For some reason, the instructions just said “Blessing”.
“onee-chan, everyone else’s last line is [Eeeeeeeee!?], but…is that okay?”
“What does it mean?”
Shiori and Senpai confirmed. I also don’t know why I’m the only one missing a line.
“Yukito, I know…this is the calm before the storm. That’s how it is, right?”
The refreshing Ikemen shivers. onee-chan was the one who finalized the script with the people in charge.
She volunteered to help in any way she could. Angelically. Since she was originally an outsider, onee-chan may have felt left out as my sister.
After countless planning meetings, the end result is the best content ever, she boasts. The people in charge have also praised it to the skies, but we haven’t seen it yet.
With a slight feeling of uneasiness, we arrive at the outdoor court and begin the CM preparations. Strange…I’m getting chills.

(You don’t need me anymore. …… That’s right.)
I mock myself inwardly, trying not to show it on my face. Who knew this day would come?
Days of undisturbed sleep, as if it were a lie, all thanks to my little brother.
He was always getting into mischief. Even though I’m one to talk, I was determined to protect this troublesome brother.
But before I realized it, there was no more need.
(I’m sorry. ……I can’t go back to the way things were, even for Yukito’s sake).
What we have is not a reset, but a remake.
Not starting over, but rebuilding in a new form.
I almost committed murder. But the one who prevented it was the very brother I was trying to kill.
It’s impossible. I can’t kill my brother. I don’t need to protect him. He’s much too strong and brave. Arrogant misunderstanding. All the time until today, the one who was protected was me.
We talked at length, filling in the blanks. Fun and happy times, he taught me his true heart without hiding anything, as it is.
–He cherished me. He didn’t hate me.
That alone makes me feel so rewarded. A warmth in my chest.
I wasn’t trying to convince myself that I loved my brother. I didn’t force myself to like him. Quite the opposite. I thought he hated me. I thought he must resent me. Of course, since it was my fault.
But that wasn’t the case. He cared for me just like he did before. He loved me.
Once I knew that, I could no longer hold back my feelings. It is impossible to hold back.
The fourth attempted murder. I’ll stop being conceited about possibly killing my brother one day.
Arrogant. A blade swung by someone like me could never reach him. I lack that power.
Yukito gave me the reassurance I was looking for the most.
To say it’s okay to love, to accept my feelings.
You’ll dress me in the wedding dress, too, won’t you?
What a nice devil to make his sister feel like that.
Yukito often compares me to an angel, but if it’s an angel and a devil, that would really be taboo.
I did not hesitate to taste the forbidden fruit.
It was refreshing. I never dreamed to see the world so alive.
I look down at my costume. Maybe it’s a woman’s fantasy, but honestly, I’m not the princess type. Still, since he chose it for me, I’ll proudly play the princess.
I don’t know why Yukito made me the princess.
But I don’t seem to be the kind of princess who just waits in a castle for the hero.
Wait. I’ll prove it to you.

The Bunny Man’s shot misses. He falls to his knees.
“No way…you despicable…”
Forced to admit defeat. The day the demon who brought the world to its knees meets his end.
The battered hero, the swordsman, the dancer. Yet their expressions showed the joy of victory.
“Our fight ends here!”
The long contest between the Bunny Man and the Hero Party came to an end.
The period of their bizarre feud continued even after their reincarnation in another world.
The hero’s determination crushed the bunny man’s ambitions after he was banished and resurrected from the depths of despair.
“…I wrote the script myself, but what the hell is this?”
I snapped out of it involuntarily, and though I kept my composure somewhere, I waited quietly for this moment.
“Now, hero. It’s time for the final blow!”
The dancer urged the hero. This could be the climax where the Bunnyman is defeated.
You might think the story goes that way. But it doesn’t. Not at all.
We were nearing the climax. Still in my dress, I rushed to where the Bunnyman was, careful not to trip.
My brother just doesn’t seem to have enough sense of danger. Well, that’s sweet.
He trusted me with the script without a doubt. He even gave me the role of a princess.
Am I a princess to Yukito? Then I’ll live up to his expectations.
He’s dear to me. Everything about him is. I realized that there’s no limit to this feeling.
I had given up. I thought I was no longer needed.
I still can’t forgive myself for what I did. I’ll never forgive myself for the rest of my life.
But it was my brother who saved me.
When I look at the picture on the wall in my room, every day in front of the mirror, I practice my smile.
To be closer to what he expects. To remain the older sister he can be proud of.
I’ve received so much. To give back, I’d have to give everything, my body and my soul. My whole life is at stake.
Until my body decays, I’ll vow to love my brother.
Once I’ve made up my mind, there’s nothing to fear. My heart is clear.
If I continue to force myself to love, I will continue to force myself to love. And that’s okay.
That kind of life can still be enjoyable, I’m sure. Up to now, and from now on, it’s all for you.
There’s no one in this world who can make me happier than you.
“Bunnyman, I love you! I love you!”
I hug him with all my strength. Yukito stumbles back a little because of the force, but he catches me firmly.
Firm, muscular arms. I had no idea that he had become so strong.
Whispering in his ear so that only Yukito can hear.
“I’ll show you the results of my training.”
I kiss my brother, his eyes widening.
Our tongues entwine gently. For five seconds, a sincere kiss with threads of saliva.


According to the script, there was a voice of blessing (or something) from behind.
“N-n-n-n-n-no way!”
“I told you. I’m serious.”
Whispering again, I smile. It’s my best smile, the best I can muster.
I hope this feeling reaches the one person I love.

scene change



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